SIL Said My Parenting Is “ Cold”.

[Anonymous]

FYI nothing you did made your kid a good sleeper. I don’t think you SIL should’ve said anything, but maybe she was concerned because if you did tell her you were sleep training at 8 weeks that seems abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, couple things: DCUM is not the place for you to find support as a new, fragile, first time mom.

Second, my first baby was a good sleeper like yours. I did hold her, but I was all about scheduled and thought I had it all figured out. Well, my second baby didn’t sleep through the night for almost 2 years! Joke’s on me!

I have a feeling you smugly told your SIL about your awesome “discovery” of how to get babies to sleep, and she was rightfully annoyed by you. That’s it.

OP here. I never said anything about it. It was my husband. We spent last Saturday today at my house. She commented on how much my baby sleeps, how her kids stayed up for much longer and we let him nap too much, how she would never let her child cry even for 5 minutes at this age, etc. Then she told us that it seems “ cold” to her. I never gloated. She sleep trained all of her kids at 4 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m done with this thread. I never once acted like I knew everything about parenting. I explained what I did and what form of method I used after I was asked. That was all. Then everyone started attacking me and starting with the CIO is abuse stuff and how I’m naive because my kid is a decent sleeper. No where did I float or say I have it all figured out. I said we chose a method of parenting that we feel works for us. That’s it. I care because my SIL is family and it hurt my feelings for her to say my parenting was “ cold” after she knows how much we love our child.

Hmm I haven’t posted in this thread yet but I will now because you’re obviously a holier than thou type. So you say you don’t have it figured out but apparently you “chose a method of parenting” lolz okay! So you did choose something and did an active something to make your newborn sleep? Or wait was it you don’t have parenting figured out and you’re not realizing your just got lucky with a kid that sleeps? Or wait is it because you let your newborn cry to teach him to sleep? Seriously try to get your stories straight here. And SIL may have used the word cold but I bet she was looking for the word sanctimommy.

OP here. You sound crazy.

I never said I don’t have it figured out. I said I didn’t act or say that I did. You can be a new parent and know how you want to raise a child. The first 8 weeks of being all over the place wasn’t working and we realized sleep training and schedules worked better for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FYI nothing you did made your kid a good sleeper. I don’t think you SIL should’ve said anything, but maybe she was concerned because if you did tell her you were sleep training at 8 weeks that seems abusive.

OP here. Letting a baby cry for 5 minutes is another abuse. We checked with his pediatrician and she told us it’s okay to let him cry or fuss for 5 minutes. She was the one who recommended we not hold him for every nap like we did for the first 8 weeks because it will create a habit and he will become used to it.

I disagree that we did nothing to help his sleep. He was a decent sleeper but needed to be rocked and then held for naps. He slept well at night on his own but needed to be rocked to sleep. We followed the guidelines from Taking Cara Babies and he went from being rocked and held for every nap to now putting himself to sleep and taking long naps. He sleeps 8-7 now with a dreamfeed at 10pm. This has been going on for a month. It may change but we will sleep train if we need to when he’s older. We do not let him cry for more than 5 minutes and won’t do that until he’s 4 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FYI nothing you did made your kid a good sleeper. I don’t think you SIL should’ve said anything, but maybe she was concerned because if you did tell her you were sleep training at 8 weeks that seems abusive.

OP here. Letting a baby cry for 5 minutes is another abuse. We checked with his pediatrician and she told us it’s okay to let him cry or fuss for 5 minutes. She was the one who recommended we not hold him for every nap like we did for the first 8 weeks because it will create a habit and he will become used to it.

I disagree that we did nothing to help his sleep. He was a decent sleeper but needed to be rocked and then held for naps. He slept well at night on his own but needed to be rocked to sleep. We followed the guidelines from Taking Cara Babies and he went from being rocked and held for every nap to now putting himself to sleep and taking long naps. He sleeps 8-7 now with a dreamfeed at 10pm. This has been going on for a month. It may change but we will sleep train if we need to when he’s older. We do not let him cry for more than 5 minutes and won’t do that until he’s 4 months.

Op, what do you want us to say? Tell us and we will! I think 5 minutes it’s cruel. Your baby knows now that his parents aren’t coming. What type of validation were you expecting? You might be a loving mom in many other ways, but sleep training (at 8 weeks especially) sounds cold to most of us

[Anonymous]

OP, do you think if Taking Cara Babies were such magic that there would be any bad sleepers? If it’s that easy, why aren’t all newborns taking long naps in the crib and sleeping all night? I’m glad it worked for you, but you honestly need to stop with your “parenting” theories - you have a 3 month old! I am telling you sincerely, you are not even really a parent yet. Should your SIL have said you’re cold? No, that’s rude. But if you and/or your husband keep telling other people about your “parenting philosophies,” that’s what you’re going to get.

[Anonymous]

I do think letting an 8 week old CIO for 5 minutes is pretty cold. Then again, I am Asian and we tend to pamper our little children. But like, what else do you have going on in your life that you can’t be attentive to your baby while he is falling asleep? You don’t even have another child to deal with!

I doubt it causes any harm to your baby to CIO, but if it were me, I wouldn’t like to think back to those infant days and remember that I let him cry just for my own convenience. YMMV

[Anonymous]

I don't think there's anything wrong with letting a baby fuss for 5 minutes.

But it can come off as annoying when a person thinks they made their 8 week old a good sleeper because of a book. IMO, you can ruin a good sleeper by not paying attention to sleepy cues etc, but you can't take a naturally bad sleeper and make them a good one.

OP I'm not saying that you did the above, but just pointing this out more generally.

You do sound a bit regimented OP. And that's not necessarily a bad thing.

It sounds like you have hurt feelings which is okay too. I don't think you SIL should have made that comment.

[Anonymous]

OP has plenty of time to post here but is apparently too busy to comfort her crying baby.

[Anonymous]

I call troll. First your baby is 8 weeks old, then you were following his lead and it wasn’t working for the first eight weeks, but you’ve been doing TCB for 4 works and now it’s working. And I’ll tell you, we do a similar thing (not TCB, but trying to teach young infants to sleep independently with small amounts of fussing) and 1) it doesn’t work over night 2) it takes longer if you wait to start at 8 weeks (we’ve been slowly easing in since 4 weeks) and it doesn’t give 100% success at this age, it’s a process.

You’re just trying to start a newborn care war. Boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think there's anything wrong with letting a baby fuss for 5 minutes.

But it can come off as annoying when a person thinks they made their 8 week old a good sleeper because of a book. IMO, you can ruin a good sleeper by not paying attention to sleepy cues etc, but you can't take a naturally bad sleeper and make them a good one.

OP I'm not saying that you did the above, but just pointing this out more generally.

You do sound a bit regimented OP. And that's not necessarily a bad thing.

It sounds like you have hurt feelings which is okay too. I don't think you SIL should have made that comment.

THIS SHOULD BE PINNED TO THE TOP OF THIS TOPIC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I call troll. First your baby is 8 weeks old, then you were following his lead and it wasn’t working for the first eight weeks, but you’ve been doing TCB for 4 works and now it’s working. And I’ll tell you, we do a similar thing (not TCB, but trying to teach young infants to sleep independently with small amounts of fussing) and 1) it doesn’t work over night 2) it takes longer if you wait to start at 8 weeks (we’ve been slowly easing in since 4 weeks) and it doesn’t give 100% success at this age, it’s a process.

You’re just trying to start a newborn care war. Boring.

Not really. We did a no sleep solution at 8 weeks and it took 4 days. Every baby is different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a FTM to a beautiful baby boy. My husband and I are very schedule oriented people and have had our son on a routine and sleep trained since 8 weeks old. He follows a routine, sleeps in his crib + self-soothes, and is never held for naps. My SIL was over this past weekend and basically told us the way we parent is “ cold”. I was a little taken back. We love our son and he will know he is loved. We believe sleep is vital for development and overall mood and chose to sleep train and have him on a routine. We still love our son and he gets plenty of attention and cuddles. I’m a little upset about this.

There are a ton of ways to parent babies and children, and most of them turn out okay. Ignore "helpful" advice. People are rude and ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think letting an 8 week old CIO for 5 minutes is pretty cold. Then again, I am Asian and we tend to pamper our little children. But like, what else do you have going on in your life that you can’t be attentive to your baby while he is falling asleep? You don’t even have another child to deal with!

I doubt it causes any harm to your baby to CIO, but if it were me, I wouldn’t like to think back to those infant days and remember that I let him cry just for my own convenience. YMMV

5 minutes? 5 minutes is nothing.

We tried to sleep train my oldest when he was 11 months old. He screamed for 2 hours straight. I finally gave up. He won. He didn't sleep through the night until 17 months.

[Anonymous]

My neighbor described me a "chilly" when she heard that I never held my kid to fall asleep. I put him in his crib from day 1 for naps and sleeping at night. She has a 3-year-old old that requires her to stay in his room until he falls asleep. This takes up to 90 minutes every night. I call her "stupid." You do you.