SIL Said My Parenting Is “ Cold”.

[Anonymous]

If you’re so sure of yourself why do you keep posting here, OP?

[Anonymous]

My baby cried to fall asleep for nearly all naps for weeks. Or was it months? It felt like an eternity She did it while in my arms, being soothed - she just couldn't fall asleep with out it, except on rare occasions. We tried everything (shorter wake window, longer wake window, etc. etc. etc.). It was pretty miserable. There was overall less crying after sleep training, although we didn't do it until 6 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m confused. We don’t let him cry.

We did 12 hours by 12 weeks, and it didn't involve crying. It was more about routine and what happens during waking. OP, sleep hygiene is so very important - you did the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m confused. We don’t let him cry.

We did 12 hours by 12 weeks, and it didn't involve crying. It was more about routine and what happens during waking. OP, sleep hygiene is so very important - you did the right thing.

What you call “fuss” others call crying…

[Anonymous]

You will find answers here on both sides of the spectrum including the ones that assumed that you did "cry it out" and those that say that you can't/shouldn't sleep train a baby. Please do what works best for you and your family. You will drive yourself crazy if you listening to every person that judges you and there will always be plenty of those. Both my kids were sleep trained by 12 weeks or so and I didn't do CIO. I put them down drowsy, but somewhat awake. Not every day was rainbows and unicorns. I couldn't fathom leaving an infant crying for extended periods. There is a big difference between whining, crying, crying hysterically, and fretting. I also followed a scheduled. I have one child that would sleep for hours on end at any time, but he needed to put on weight (under weight preemie) so I had to wake him to eat. Eventually, we fell into a rhythm.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think these little infant-age choices like sleep training or BFing are a determinant of cold parenting. I don’t think they really matter at all (fwiw, I BF and did not sleep train).

My SIL is *actually* a cold parent to her ES aged kids. She is disappointed that her kids don’t don’t fit the mold of what she and her DH wanted (a strong athletic boy, a super cute girl). She is constantly pushing them to be like what she wants and mocking the boy when he doesn’t do well in sports. Not emotionally available at all, and often disciplines them physically. *That* is cold parenting IMO.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I’m done with this thread. I never once acted like I knew everything about parenting. I explained what I did and what form of method I used after I was asked. That was all. Then everyone started attacking me and starting with the CIO is abuse stuff and how I’m naive because my kid is a decent sleeper. No where did I float or say I have it all figured out. I said we chose a method of parenting that we feel works for us. That’s it. I care because my SIL is family and it hurt my feelings for her to say my parenting was “ cold” after she knows how much we love our child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m done with this thread. I never once acted like I knew everything about parenting. I explained what I did and what form of method I used after I was asked. That was all. Then everyone started attacking me and starting with the CIO is abuse stuff and how I’m naive because my kid is a decent sleeper. No where did I float or say I have it all figured out. I said we chose a method of parenting that we feel works for us. That’s it. I care because my SIL is family and it hurt my feelings for her to say my parenting was “ cold” after she knows how much we love our child.

Go hold your baby for the five minutes you do and stop posting on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

OP if you don’t want to know what people on DCUM think, why did you post?
I can’t say from what you posted if you are a cold mother. I could never let my baby cry unattended and I do think it’s cruel… but this is me… not you… if you felt fine letting him cry for a bit and as a result he/you are sleeping better, great! I could never do it.

That’s the thing about raising our kids, it matters to all of us (maybe most of us) so much that we feel very strongly about our choices (and their consequences).
Do I wish my kids slept through the night at 8 weeks? OF COURSE! Am I jealous yours does? OF COURSE! Would I let them cry so that I could have a better life? NO, NEVER.
It was hard waking up with my (3) kids all the time for months (and in one case years). I don’t think it affected my life or marriage much, but those nights were long. My kids thrived and my marriage is doing great so I am happy with my choices most of the time, but (like you) I am sensitive to criticism… our choices are sometimes what makes us most vulnerable and you SIL must have struck a nerve with you.
I am sure you do feel perhaps a bit guilty (or unsure) about some of your decisions and you will feel the same about many more you will make in the future…

Finally, DCUM is full of spiteful people who are frustrated and take their anger out in this online forum. I have been called worse than you out here more than once. Don’t post about yourself if you know the criticisms might hurt (as this time clearly did).
Relax, no parent is perfect and no one way works for every family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m done with this thread. I never once acted like I knew everything about parenting. I explained what I did and what form of method I used after I was asked. That was all. Then everyone started attacking me and starting with the CIO is abuse stuff and how I’m naive because my kid is a decent sleeper. No where did I float or say I have it all figured out. I said we chose a method of parenting that we feel works for us. That’s it. I care because my SIL is family and it hurt my feelings for her to say my parenting was “ cold” after she knows how much we love our child.

Go hold your baby for the five minutes you do and stop posting on DCUM.

This is what I was referring to. This PP is angry at HER life and is taking it out on you. Her comment is not meant to help or even criticize. She is just being mean for the sake of putting you down and that’s it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re going to have to grow a thicker skin OP. When it comes to motherhood, your SIL, parents, friends etc are all going to have something to say about every little thing. Be confident in how you are parenting and recognize there are multiple “right” ways to do things. Also realize that you will likely have to rewrite the manual for baby #2.

My only concern with your schedule is how rigid it is and I personally didn’t want to be a slave to my baby’s nap schedule- but if this works best for you then go with it. DS #1 was a super easy baby and would go with the flow. Not so much for baby #2 but I didn’t want to be confined to the house at nap times every day so there were days I’d wear him on errands or I’d drive around a bunch until he fell asleep so that I could get things done.

OP here. It’s a routine but a flexible one. We went off his wake windows. He is only awake for 90 minutes and starts getting tired between 75-90 minutes. We see him start getting tired or the clock and put him down. He gets overtired very fast if we don’t follow the wake windows. We have a 15 minute flexibility window if he doesn’t go right away, he wakes up, or we are doing something. We do try to follow it because he gets overtired fast and then it’s harder to get him to sleep.

All your weird baby buzzwords and lingo are really telling. And as soon as your schedule is set, trust that it will completely change.

I stumbled into this thread (my kids are in their teens) and I'm so grateful that I'm past all this pointless parenting grandstanding where every mother thinks she invented motherhood. It's really quite comical.

[Anonymous]

You say that you are close to your SIL. Why not just tell her that what she said hurt and say that you want to talk about what she said. She might apologize, or she might shed light on a useful observation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m done with this thread. I never once acted like I knew everything about parenting. I explained what I did and what form of method I used after I was asked. That was all. Then everyone started attacking me and starting with the CIO is abuse stuff and how I’m naive because my kid is a decent sleeper. No where did I float or say I have it all figured out. I said we chose a method of parenting that we feel works for us. That’s it. I care because my SIL is family and it hurt my feelings for her to say my parenting was “ cold” after she knows how much we love our child.

OP, I mean this sincerely and with the utmost compassion for you. Leave DCUM, forget it exists and never come back. You will be the happier for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m done with this thread. I never once acted like I knew everything about parenting. I explained what I did and what form of method I used after I was asked. That was all. Then everyone started attacking me and starting with the CIO is abuse stuff and how I’m naive because my kid is a decent sleeper. No where did I float or say I have it all figured out. I said we chose a method of parenting that we feel works for us. That’s it. I care because my SIL is family and it hurt my feelings for her to say my parenting was “ cold” after she knows how much we love our child.

Hmm I haven’t posted in this thread yet but I will now because you’re obviously a holier than thou type. So you say you don’t have it figured out but apparently you “chose a method of parenting” lolz okay! So you did choose something and did an active something to make your newborn sleep? Or wait was it you don’t have parenting figured out and you’re not realizing your just got lucky with a kid that sleeps? Or wait is it because you let your newborn cry to teach him to sleep? Seriously try to get your stories straight here. And SIL may have used the word cold but I bet she was looking for the word sanctimommy.

[Anonymous]

OP, couple things: DCUM is not the place for you to find support as a new, fragile, first time mom.

Second, my first baby was a good sleeper like yours. I did hold her, but I was all about scheduled and thought I had it all figured out. Well, my second baby didn’t sleep through the night for almost 2 years! Joke’s on me!

I have a feeling you smugly told your SIL about your awesome “discovery” of how to get babies to sleep, and she was rightfully annoyed by you. That’s it.