SIL Said My Parenting Is “ Cold”.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to go F off. I had an amazing sleeper from birth to 8 weeks and thought we got so lucky. Then he woke up and something shifted. Sleep started getting worse and he would fight naps. Then 4 month sleep regression hit and he was waking up every 45 minutes for nap and night sleep. He was always fussing and cranky. We sleep trained after a week of that and he’s been back to an amazing sleeper and happy baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably she had a kid who didn’t sleep easily so she thinks you had to be way harsher than you actually were to get your kid on a schedule.

-fellow parent of an unusually easy kid (we didn’t do schedules because I’m not schedule oriented but I both never “sleep trained” the way people talk about here and also never had issues getting my kid to sleep through the night fairly early on)

OP here. She sleep trained all 3 kids at 4 months so I’m not really sure why she feels this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably she had a kid who didn’t sleep easily so she thinks you had to be way harsher than you actually were to get your kid on a schedule.

-fellow parent of an unusually easy kid (we didn’t do schedules because I’m not schedule oriented but I both never “sleep trained” the way people talk about here and also never had issues getting my kid to sleep through the night fairly early on)

OP here. She sleep trained all 3 kids at 4 months so I’m not really sure why she feels this way.

Maybe sleep training was rough for her? I don’t know but everything you’ve said sounds fine and like you love your kid and are working really hard to be good parents so I think she’s wrong fwiw.

[Anonymous]

It sounds to me that OP has an “easy” baby that needed just a routine to fall into a good schedule. Great,
Enjoy and ignore your SIL! I have 3 kids. Nothing wrong with a schedule for an 8 week old as long as it developed without too much crying and distress!

[Anonymous]

Didn't the Nazis did experiment in not soothing young infants? Yeah! Cold.

But, not my monkey and not my circus. You do you.

(YIKES!!)

[Anonymous]

Do you think she’s referring to more than just sleep training? I feel like there has to be something more.

[Anonymous]

None of us know you, so our feedback on whether or not you are a cold parent is pretty meaningless. If she’s really a close friend, then I think you need to bring it up with her. Tell her that her comment really got under your skin and ask her to clarify exactly what she meant by it. Different people have different parenting styles, so it’s possible that she will simply say that she thinks you should be more XYZ and you will realize that it’s just a matter of personality differences and it won’t bother you anymore. Or she will be able to articulate what it is she is noticing and maybe it will resonate with you and you will decide to tweak something you were doing. Either way feedback from a close friend is going to be a lot more helpful than people on the Internet trying to guess what you are doing and then judging you for it.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are lucky because it sounds like you have a very easy baby! Most people would probably have to do an intense form of sleep training (extinction method which generally involves lots of crying) to get such a young baby into a solid sleep schedule like you have. It sounds like you got there without all the tears and it works for you and your baby! Your SIL likely is projecting..maybe when she sleep trained her kids it was a much harder process and she either assumes you guys let your baby scream-cry himself to sleep or else she’s jealous of what an easy baby you have.

You don’t sound like cold parents to me and it would so hurt my feelings if someone close to me said that about my parenting. I think you should (gently) bring it up w her, tell her you’re not sure why she said it and that it bothered you and see what she says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think she’s referring to more than just sleep training? I feel like there has to be something more.

OP here. She thinks the crying to put himself to sleep, naps and night sleep in the crib, and being a routine is “ cruel”. She believe in the fourth trimester and said you’re supposed to hold your baby and let them sleep wherever. She has mentioned many times how we will miss him whine this little and will be sad we didn’t hold him enough for naps, etc. He was held for almost every nap for 8 weeks. He gets held a lot during his awake times and we spend a lot of time playing with him. He gets all of our attention when he is awake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sleep trained an 8 week old? I agree with her.

Agreed, this is harmful to the bonding required during the first year development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn't the Nazis did experiment in not soothing young infants? Yeah! Cold.

But, not my monkey and not my circus. You do you.

(YIKES!!)

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, why are relaying the details? You seem to be asking in a paragraph for us to make a determination? I thought this would be about dealing w/your SIL.

It's possible -- she used 1 unfortunate word not knowing it's impact. And yet you feel victimized + humble brag. I doubt this SIL is your best barometer re: how you parent. Make more friends, friends you can trust with this type of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sleep trained an 8 week old? I agree with her.

Agreed, this is harmful to the bonding required during the first year development.

You can still sleep train and bond with your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. All of my friends sleep trained at that age.

Did you not read one single infant sleep book?! That’s crazy early. And unhealthy. Sleep-training a baby “by” 8 weeks—when did you start letting your baby scream? You are cold. And uninformed.

[Anonymous]

I personally think it’s horrible that you let your 2 month old cry for 5 minutes at the time…. I would think the same if you did it at 4 months so to me both you and SIL are cold…