Men, if you have ever wanted to have an affair but didn't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Currently being heavily pursued by an attractive younger woman who is recently divorced. Very tempting. Problem is I just don't trust her to keep everything secret. Ironically, her husband cheated on her which caused her divorce. I like she is wounded and looking to spread pain.

My marital sex life is pretty much dead so I am not against an affair but has to be someone who isn't looking for a new partner.

We call that wounded bird syndrome or easy pickins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Currently being heavily pursued by an attractive younger woman who is recently divorced. Very tempting. Problem is I just don't trust her to keep everything secret. Ironically, her husband cheated on her which caused her divorce. I like she is wounded and looking to spread pain.

My marital sex life is pretty much dead so I am not against an affair but has to be someone who isn't looking for a new partner.

I would never inflict that pain on another woman-one they don’t even know and didn’t do anything to them. I don’t get how these women that were betrayed want to participate in creating the same pain they suffered, break up another family. Hey- if she wants to bang the OW’s husband as payback so be it—but why a complete innocent woman?

The PP thinks this is the woman’s motivation. He is likely completely wrong. Not saying it doesn’t happen but in this case, all we have is the opinion of a man trying to decide whether or not to cheat.

She just went through it and experienced firsthand how traumatic betrayal in marriage is, leading to her divorce. She KNOWS what it does to the unknowing spouse, yet actively chooses to do the same to someone else.

A lot of people lash out on other women out of anger or jealousy and want to take everyone else down, run their face on the institution. It’s a trauma response. Hurt people hurt other people. I took the opposite approach, I always thought of others prior and would never hit on, much less hook up with someone in a relationship/marriage and now that I’ve been traumatized and blindsided in what I thought was a very happy 25-year relationship it reinforces that I would NEVER inflict that kind of pain on another person because doing that would result in my actions contributing to someone else’s trauma. I’m not the selfish and lacking compassion/empathy.

Agree. I would never ever do that to someone else after what I’ve gone through. I’m guessing people that do are angry at the world and taking it out on strangers.

[Anonymous]

Why is nobody talking about limerance? We need to know about the limerant qualities of the affair opportunities. Were they or were they not limerant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most stable normal people don't want to lose their spouse or kids, over a dirty napkin. In all honesty that's what interlopers are. It would put me in that same category. And I value myself more than that, as well as my family.

I would rather work out a issue, or go to counseling if need be. If it's that bad I would divorce, date down the road. Lastly, I would be scared to death to catch something because if someones willing to cheat with a married person then I assume they've been around the block.

Yep. When they are willing to go from meeting on the Internet to into bed immediately —which is how it works on AM- they have been at this rodeo awhile. Not very discriminating.

Counseling lol. I never understand counseling. You spend tons of money so someone can tell your partner “maybe you should try to have more sex with each other”, but it does nothing and the problem does get solved. Fk counseling. Either your spouse wants to fk you or they don’t. Obviously divorce sucks. It’s sucks. But does being sexually frustrated your whole life seem any beyywe

You don’t seem to hold your spouse in terribly high regard, so it’s not very surprising that she doesn’t want to have sex with you. My spouse speaks to me and about me with respect and, guess what? We have sex four or five times each week. That’s what happens when you treat your spouse with kindness and respect.

Lol, this is just a new twist on the whole "well maybe if you did more housework she would be hornier" line. There are plenty of women here who either just don't want sex period, or aren't attracted to their husband. This often has nothing to do with whether or not the guy shows "kindness and respect."

You are very wrong about why your wife might not want to have sex with you. Honestly, she probably doesn’t hold you in very high regard because you don’t sound like a very nice person. My guess is that you don’t really think of women as real people who deserve to be treated like…real people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most stable normal people don't want to lose their spouse or kids, over a dirty napkin. In all honesty that's what interlopers are. It would put me in that same category. And I value myself more than that, as well as my family.

I would rather work out a issue, or go to counseling if need be. If it's that bad I would divorce, date down the road. Lastly, I would be scared to death to catch something because if someones willing to cheat with a married person then I assume they've been around the block.

Yep. When they are willing to go from meeting on the Internet to into bed immediately —which is how it works on AM- they have been at this rodeo awhile. Not very discriminating.

a friend of mine had an affair with a married man. He was sleeping with other women, too. All while his wife was pregnant. He passed around the STD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most stable normal people don't want to lose their spouse or kids, over a dirty napkin. In all honesty that's what interlopers are. It would put me in that same category. And I value myself more than that, as well as my family.

I would rather work out a issue, or go to counseling if need be. If it's that bad I would divorce, date down the road. Lastly, I would be scared to death to catch something because if someones willing to cheat with a married person then I assume they've been around the block.

Yep. When they are willing to go from meeting on the Internet to into bed immediately —which is how it works on AM- they have been at this rodeo awhile. Not very discriminating.

How is it different from single people who have had casual sex? Would you say the same thing that "if someone is willing to have sex without a long-term commitment then I assume they have been around the block and carry STD"? Have you never had any premarital casual sex without any long-term perspective or exclusivity? How about your now-spouse or any close friend/associate of yours? It's certainly possible, but the majority of American people have had casual sex at some point of their life.

FWIW I'm a married woman who have never cheated or been cheated on. I just found some of the responses very judgmental. When I was single, the several men I had casual sex with had no problem using condoms. But of course there are also single people who take no responsibility in protecting themselves or their partners from STD. I assume married people having affairs are the same - some are very cautious about safe sex while some are the opposite, and some fall in between.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most stable normal people don't want to lose their spouse or kids, over a dirty napkin. In all honesty that's what interlopers are. It would put me in that same category. And I value myself more than that, as well as my family.

I would rather work out a issue, or go to counseling if need be. If it's that bad I would divorce, date down the road. Lastly, I would be scared to death to catch something because if someones willing to cheat with a married person then I assume they've been around the block.

Yep. When they are willing to go from meeting on the Internet to into bed immediately —which is how it works on AM- they have been at this rodeo awhile. Not very discriminating.

How is it different from single people who have had casual sex? Would you say the same thing that "if someone is willing to have sex without a long-term commitment then I assume they have been around the block and carry STD"? Have you never had any premarital casual sex without any long-term perspective or exclusivity? How about your now-spouse or any close friend/associate of yours? It's certainly possible, but the majority of American people have had casual sex at some point of their life.

FWIW I'm a married woman who have never cheated or been cheated on. I just found some of the responses very judgmental. When I was single, the several men I had casual sex with had no problem using condoms. But of course there are also single people who take no responsibility in protecting themselves or their partners from STD. I assume married people having affairs are the same - some are very cautious about safe sex while some are the opposite, and some fall in between.

If someone is married and having unprotected sexual with others while still sleeping with their spouse who thinks they are in a monogamous relationship, they should be taken out and shot. Or at the very least chemically castrtaed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if this counts....

I turned down an offer to sleep with a woman. She was REALLY into me, and I am hesitant to sleep with single women in case they get attached.

I had an affair in the past, sex was of course incredible and amazing to feel desired again. But the headaches that come with it - the need for attention, time that I don't have, of course the risk of getting caught - it doesn't seem worth it on average.[b] I suppose an NSA on a business trip would be harder to turn down.

Agree. I would never ever consider it again. It was too much stress and worry over time and married chick started pressuring for more time. She wanted an exit.

I still carry a ton of shame and regret. I went to therapy since I was in such a low place about the whole thing.

This sounds like a woman trying to write like a guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here. Fear of getting caught.

woman here.. my DH knows that if he did cheat, I would somehow find out. He's careless, and I'm very perceptive, plus I control the finances.

If he did cheat, he knows that I would divorce him, and take half the assets. He wants to retire early really badly (and he is on track to do that). But, if he had to split his assets, he knows he can kiss his early retirement goodbye.

He knows I can be ruthless.

Men know that women talk big about immediate divorce, but it doesn’t always mean much. When push comes to shove, they realize that staying is better for them and the kids than taking the financial hit, dealing with custody and possibly the ex having a new family, etc. He, on the other hand, will have a ball dating young women if he’s successful. If he’s successful, he’s ruthless too.

[Anonymous]

She had a young child at home 24x7 and her husband was into extreme sports with hand guns. There was an opening, I just didn't walk through that door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most stable normal people don't want to lose their spouse or kids, over a dirty napkin. In all honesty that's what interlopers are. It would put me in that same category. And I value myself more than that, as well as my family.

I would rather work out a issue, or go to counseling if need be. If it's that bad I would divorce, date down the road. Lastly, I would be scared to death to catch something because if someones willing to cheat with a married person then I assume they've been around the block.

Yep. When they are willing to go from meeting on the Internet to into bed immediately —which is how it works on AM- they have been at this rodeo awhile. Not very discriminating.

Counseling lol. I never understand counseling. You spend tons of money so someone can tell your partner “maybe you should try to have more sex with each other”, but it does nothing and the problem does get solved. Fk counseling. Either your spouse wants to fk you or they don’t. Obviously divorce sucks. It’s sucks. But does being sexually frustrated your whole life seem any beyywe

You don’t seem to hold your spouse in terribly high regard, so it’s not very surprising that she doesn’t want to have sex with you. My spouse speaks to me and about me with respect and, guess what? We have sex four or five times each week. That’s what happens when you treat your spouse with kindness and respect.

Lol, this is just a new twist on the whole "well maybe if you did more housework she would be hornier" line. There are plenty of women here who either just don't want sex period, or aren't attracted to their husband. This often has nothing to do with whether or not the guy shows "kindness and respect."

You are very wrong about why your wife might not want to have sex with you. Honestly, she probably doesn’t hold you in very high regard because you don’t sound like a very nice person. My guess is that you don’t really think of women as real people who deserve to be treated like…real people.

Actually, my wife and I have a good sex life.

I was just pointing out how women here love to try to twist everything around to make it the man's fault.

Many women simply don't want sex, or want it very infrequently. Instead of admitting that their lack of sex drive is undermining the relationship they try to blame it on their husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here. Fear of getting caught.

woman here.. my DH knows that if he did cheat, I would somehow find out. He's careless, and I'm very perceptive, plus I control the finances.

If he did cheat, he knows that I would divorce him, and take half the assets. He wants to retire early really badly (and he is on track to do that). But, if he had to split his assets, he knows he can kiss his early retirement goodbye.

He knows I can be ruthless.

Men know that women talk big about immediate divorce, but it doesn’t always mean much. When push comes to shove, they realize that staying is better for them and the kids than taking the financial hit, dealing with custody and possibly the ex having a new family, etc. He, on the other hand, will have a ball dating young women if he’s successful. If he’s successful, he’s ruthless too.

Are you successful PP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most stable normal people don't want to lose their spouse or kids, over a dirty napkin. In all honesty that's what interlopers are. It would put me in that same category. And I value myself more than that, as well as my family.

I would rather work out a issue, or go to counseling if need be. If it's that bad I would divorce, date down the road. Lastly, I would be scared to death to catch something because if someones willing to cheat with a married person then I assume they've been around the block.

Yep. When they are willing to go from meeting on the Internet to into bed immediately —which is how it works on AM- they have been at this rodeo awhile. Not very discriminating.

How is it different from single people who have had casual sex? Would you say the same thing that "if someone is willing to have sex without a long-term commitment then I assume they have been around the block and carry STD"? Have you never had any premarital casual sex without any long-term perspective or exclusivity? How about your now-spouse or any close friend/associate of yours? It's certainly possible, but the majority of American people have had casual sex at some point of their life.

FWIW I'm a married woman who have never cheated or been cheated on. I just found some of the responses very judgmental. When I was single, the several men I had casual sex with had no problem using condoms. But of course there are also single people who take no responsibility in protecting themselves or their partners from STD. I assume married people having affairs are the same - some are very cautious about safe sex while some are the opposite, and some fall in between.

If someone is married and having unprotected sexual with others while still sleeping with their spouse who thinks they are in a monogamous relationship, they should be taken out and shot. Or at the very least chemically castrtaed.

Woman here. Guess you can move to Afghanistan. Taliban would welcome you.

[Anonymous]

^ well I’m referencing cheating men being treated/punished the same way which is not the Taliban way.

[Anonymous]

Wife has virtually no interest in sex (at least with me), so I think about it all the time and have had opportunities, but I’m too old to deal with the possibility of blowing up my life and suffering financial harm. I’d like to think that somewhere deeper down it has to do with a sense of loyalty to my wife, but I really don’t know if that’s a factor, as the other reasons are so acute.