Men, if you have ever wanted to have an affair but didn't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most stable normal people don't want to lose their spouse or kids, over a dirty napkin. In all honesty that's what interlopers are. It would put me in that same category. And I value myself more than that, as well as my family.

I would rather work out a issue, or go to counseling if need be. If it's that bad I would divorce, date down the road. Lastly, I would be scared to death to catch something because if someones willing to cheat with a married person then I assume they've been around the block.

Yep. When they are willing to go from meeting on the Internet to into bed immediately —which is how it works on AM- they have been at this rodeo awhile. Not very discriminating.

Counseling lol. I never understand counseling. You spend tons of money so someone can tell your partner “maybe you should try to have more sex with each other”, but it does nothing and the problem does get solved. Fk counseling. Either your spouse wants to fk you or they don’t. Obviously divorce sucks. It’s sucks. But does being sexually frustrated your whole life seem any beyywe

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to have an affair now. My wife controls my sex life and parses sex out as she sees fit. It’s frustrating because once every 2 weeks is not enough, but I’m the ashole for initiating. I’m so supposed to be content with my lot in life according to her. I’m fking 40 years old. I want to fk all the time. If I could get laid without getting caught and catching an std, I would.

So get a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most stable normal people don't want to lose their spouse or kids, over a dirty napkin. In all honesty that's what interlopers are. It would put me in that same category. And I value myself more than that, as well as my family.

I would rather work out a issue, or go to counseling if need be. If it's that bad I would divorce, date down the road. Lastly, I would be scared to death to catch something because if someones willing to cheat with a married person then I assume they've been around the block.

Yep. When they are willing to go from meeting on the Internet to into bed immediately —which is how it works on AM- they have been at this rodeo awhile. Not very discriminating.

Counseling lol. I never understand counseling. You spend tons of money so someone can tell your partner “maybe you should try to have more sex with each other”, but it does nothing and the problem does get solved. Fk counseling. Either your spouse wants to fk you or they don’t. Obviously divorce sucks. It’s sucks. But does being sexually frustrated your whole life seem any beyywe

You don’t seem to hold your spouse in terribly high regard, so it’s not very surprising that she doesn’t want to have sex with you. My spouse speaks to me and about me with respect and, guess what? We have sex four or five times each week. That’s what happens when you treat your spouse with kindness and respect.

[Anonymous]

Currently being heavily pursued by an attractive younger woman who is recently divorced. Very tempting. Problem is I just don't trust her to keep everything secret. Ironically, her husband cheated on her which caused her divorce. I like she is wounded and looking to spread pain.

My marital sex life is pretty much dead so I am not against an affair but has to be someone who isn't looking for a new partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most stable normal people don't want to lose their spouse or kids, over a dirty napkin. In all honesty that's what interlopers are. It would put me in that same category. And I value myself more than that, as well as my family.

I would rather work out a issue, or go to counseling if need be. If it's that bad I would divorce, date down the road. Lastly, I would be scared to death to catch something because if someones willing to cheat with a married person then I assume they've been around the block.

Yep. When they are willing to go from meeting on the Internet to into bed immediately —which is how it works on AM- they have been at this rodeo awhile. Not very discriminating.

Counseling lol. I never understand counseling. You spend tons of money so someone can tell your partner “maybe you should try to have more sex with each other”, but it does nothing and the problem does get solved. Fk counseling. Either your spouse wants to fk you or they don’t. Obviously divorce sucks. It’s sucks. But does being sexually frustrated your whole life seem any beyywe

You don’t seem to hold your spouse in terribly high regard, so it’s not very surprising that she doesn’t want to have sex with you. My spouse speaks to me and about me with respect and, guess what? We have sex four or five times each week. That’s what happens when you treat your spouse with kindness and respect.

Lol, this is just a new twist on the whole "well maybe if you did more housework she would be hornier" line. There are plenty of women here who either just don't want sex period, or aren't attracted to their husband. This often has nothing to do with whether or not the guy shows "kindness and respect."

[Anonymous]

So here is my answer. The short answer is that I have never wanted to have an affair, but that doesn't mean it hasn't at least crossed my mind here and there when opportunities have presented.

The clearest case was out of town on a work trip. We had been there a few days and after concluding all actual work the final day went out drinking the night before returning. It turned into an absolute bender and one of the women there told me she was separating from her husband and invited me to hang out... I wouldn't say I came close to taking her up on it, but I was struck by just how easy it would have been.

There were a couple of other cases where I perceived that the opportunity existed but didn't pursue it and so I can't say 100% for sure it was genuine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Currently being heavily pursued by an attractive younger woman who is recently divorced. Very tempting. Problem is I just don't trust her to keep everything secret. Ironically, her husband cheated on her which caused her divorce. I like she is wounded and looking to spread pain.

My marital sex life is pretty much dead so I am not against an affair but has to be someone who isn't looking for a new partner.

I would never inflict that pain on another woman-one they don’t even know and didn’t do anything to them. I don’t get how these women that were betrayed want to participate in creating the same pain they suffered, break up another family. Hey- if she wants to bang the OW’s husband as payback so be it—but why a complete innocent woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
So here is my answer. The short answer is that I have never wanted to have an affair, but that doesn't mean it hasn't at least crossed my mind here and there when opportunities have presented.

The clearest case was out of town on a work trip. We had been there a few days and after concluding all actual work the final day went out drinking the night before returning. It turned into an absolute bender and one of the women there told me she was separating from her husband and invited me to hang out... I wouldn't say I came close to taking her up on it, but I was struck by just how easy it would have been.

There were a couple of other cases where I perceived that the opportunity existed but didn't pursue it and so I can't say 100% for sure it was genuine.

It may have seemed easy at the time but utterly not worth what would have happened next. Affairs are a lot like pregnancy: fun to get into, hard to get out of, and the endgame can be very very painful and consequential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Currently being heavily pursued by an attractive younger woman who is recently divorced. Very tempting. Problem is I just don't trust her to keep everything secret. Ironically, her husband cheated on her which caused her divorce. I like she is wounded and looking to spread pain.

My marital sex life is pretty much dead so I am not against an affair but has to be someone who isn't looking for a new partner.

I would never inflict that pain on another woman-one they don’t even know and didn’t do anything to them. I don’t get how these women that were betrayed want to participate in creating the same pain they suffered, break up another family. Hey- if she wants to bang the OW’s husband as payback so be it—but why a complete innocent woman?

The PP thinks this is the woman’s motivation. He is likely completely wrong. Not saying it doesn’t happen but in this case, all we have is the opinion of a man trying to decide whether or not to cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why men?!

Every cheater I’ve found about over the last few years has been a married woman.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d have a hard time explaining it to my kids.

+1 Can you imagine the disappointment and sadness you’d bring them. They may also grow up thinking that’s the norm. F that.

If the kids are fairly young they won't understand what is going on at all. My mother cheated on my dad and I definitely sided with her. Kids are quite resilient and can still come out the other end just fine and well adjusted. Sometimes the person being cheated on is not the victim.

Kids actually aren't at all resilient. Resilience is learned, not a given.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Currently being heavily pursued by an attractive younger woman who is recently divorced. Very tempting. Problem is I just don't trust her to keep everything secret. Ironically, her husband cheated on her which caused her divorce. I like she is wounded and looking to spread pain.

My marital sex life is pretty much dead so I am not against an affair but has to be someone who isn't looking for a new partner.

I would never inflict that pain on another woman-one they don’t even know and didn’t do anything to them. I don’t get how these women that were betrayed want to participate in creating the same pain they suffered, break up another family. Hey- if she wants to bang the OW’s husband as payback so be it—but why a complete innocent woman?

The PP thinks this is the woman’s motivation. He is likely completely wrong. Not saying it doesn’t happen but in this case, all we have is the opinion of a man trying to decide whether or not to cheat.

She just went through it and experienced firsthand how traumatic betrayal in marriage is, leading to her divorce. She KNOWS what it does to the unknowing spouse, yet actively chooses to do the same to someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Currently being heavily pursued by an attractive younger woman who is recently divorced. Very tempting. Problem is I just don't trust her to keep everything secret. Ironically, her husband cheated on her which caused her divorce. I like she is wounded and looking to spread pain.

My marital sex life is pretty much dead so I am not against an affair but has to be someone who isn't looking for a new partner.

I would never inflict that pain on another woman-one they don’t even know and didn’t do anything to them. I don’t get how these women that were betrayed want to participate in creating the same pain they suffered, break up another family. Hey- if she wants to bang the OW’s husband as payback so be it—but why a complete innocent woman?

The PP thinks this is the woman’s motivation. He is likely completely wrong. Not saying it doesn’t happen but in this case, all we have is the opinion of a man trying to decide whether or not to cheat.

She just went through it and experienced firsthand how traumatic betrayal in marriage is, leading to her divorce. She KNOWS what it does to the unknowing spouse, yet actively chooses to do the same to someone else.

A lot of people lash out on other women out of anger or jealousy and want to take everyone else down, run their face on the institution. It’s a trauma response. Hurt people hurt other people. I took the opposite approach, I always thought of others prior and would never hit on, much less hook up with someone in a relationship/marriage and now that I’ve been traumatized and blindsided in what I thought was a very happy 25-year relationship it reinforces that I would NEVER inflict that kind of pain on another person because doing that would result in my actions contributing to someone else’s trauma. I’m not the selfish and lacking compassion/empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Currently being heavily pursued by an attractive younger woman who is recently divorced. Very tempting. Problem is I just don't trust her to keep everything secret. Ironically, her husband cheated on her which caused her divorce. I like she is wounded and looking to spread pain.

My marital sex life is pretty much dead so I am not against an affair but has to be someone who isn't looking for a new partner.

I would never inflict that pain on another woman-one they don’t even know and didn’t do anything to them. I don’t get how these women that were betrayed want to participate in creating the same pain they suffered, break up another family. Hey- if she wants to bang the OW’s husband as payback so be it—but why a complete innocent woman?

The PP thinks this is the woman’s motivation. He is likely completely wrong. Not saying it doesn’t happen but in this case, all we have is the opinion of a man trying to decide whether or not to cheat.

She just went through it and experienced firsthand how traumatic betrayal in marriage is, leading to her divorce. She KNOWS what it does to the unknowing spouse, yet actively chooses to do the same to someone else.

A lot of people lash out on other women out of anger or jealousy and want to take everyone else down, run their face on the institution. It’s a trauma response. Hurt people hurt other people. I took the opposite approach, I always thought of others prior and would never hit on, much less hook up with someone in a relationship/marriage and now that I’ve been traumatized and blindsided in what I thought was a very happy 25-year relationship it reinforces that I would NEVER inflict that kind of pain on another person because doing that would result in my actions contributing to someone else’s trauma. I’m not the selfish and lacking compassion/empathy.

Sure, but we only have the PP’s word this is what is happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d have a hard time explaining it to my kids.

+1 Can you imagine the disappointment and sadness you’d bring them. They may also grow up thinking that’s the norm. F that.

If the kids are fairly young they won't understand what is going on at all. My mother cheated on my dad and I definitely sided with her. Kids are quite resilient and can still come out the other end just fine and well adjusted. Sometimes the person being cheated on is not the victim.

Kids actually aren't at all resilient. Resilience is learned, not a given.

"Kids are resilient" is what people say in order to justify doing what they want regardless of how much it will hurt the children.