Men, if you have ever wanted to have an affair but didn't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife has virtually no interest in sex (at least with me), so I think about it all the time and have had opportunities, but I’m too old to deal with the possibility of blowing up my life and suffering financial harm. I’d like to think that somewhere deeper down it has to do with a sense of loyalty to my wife, but I really don’t know if that’s a factor, as the other reasons are so acute.

Just letting you know you are not alone. My ideal situation would be a work trip one-night stand, but not looking for any emotional affair locally to screw up finances and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife has virtually no interest in sex (at least with me), so I think about it all the time and have had opportunities, but I’m too old to deal with the possibility of blowing up my life and suffering financial harm. I’d like to think that somewhere deeper down it has to do with a sense of loyalty to my wife, but I really don’t know if that’s a factor, as the other reasons are so acute.

Just letting you know you are not alone. My ideal situation would be a work trip one-night stand, but not looking for any emotional affair locally to screw up finances and family.

One night stand is not worth the risk. IMO it’s only worth it for someone you might actually leave for. Otherwise so much risk/possible pain just for fleeting pleasure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife has virtually no interest in sex (at least with me), so I think about it all the time and have had opportunities, but I’m too old to deal with the possibility of blowing up my life and suffering financial harm. I’d like to think that somewhere deeper down it has to do with a sense of loyalty to my wife, but I really don’t know if that’s a factor, as the other reasons are so acute.

Just letting you know you are not alone. My ideal situation would be a work trip one-night stand, but not looking for any emotional affair locally to screw up finances and family.

One night stand is not worth the risk. IMO it’s only worth it for someone you might actually leave for. Otherwise so much risk/possible pain just for fleeting pleasure.

This has to be written by a woman, men would much much rather have crazy hot one night stand sex than have the complication of maintaining a deep relationship while married. BTDT and not worth it. Hotel conference sex with someone I will never see again? Sign me up!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife has virtually no interest in sex (at least with me), so I think about it all the time and have had opportunities, but I’m too old to deal with the possibility of blowing up my life and suffering financial harm. I’d like to think that somewhere deeper down it has to do with a sense of loyalty to my wife, but I really don’t know if that’s a factor, as the other reasons are so acute.

In the same situation, and I agree with this. It's hard to have loyalty, i.e. sexual fidelity with someone you aren't having sex with.

Only reason I don't cheat is fear of getting caught. I wouldn't feel guilty and I don't owe loyalty to someone who has sexually abandoned me.

You should then talk to your spouse about that. You're lack of communication clearly says you're part of the problem! Or both get counseling. My DH cheated and there's no going back after that. In my mind he betrayed me to the hilt, and I treated him very well in all regards. He cheated himself out of having a partner that loves or cares about him. He stepped over a dollar to pick up a penny.

Well if you and your husband had a good sex life, then maybe your situation is different than the PP. Not everything needs to be about you.

Everyone knows that when you get to the point of talking about lack of sex, it's over. Maybe there are rare exceptions. But why is it on him to "communicate" this to his wife. She must know what's up. It is so passive aggressive to demand monogamy, then be uninterested in sex, and then demand the partner beg, and do more chores, etc. etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife has virtually no interest in sex (at least with me), so I think about it all the time and have had opportunities, but I’m too old to deal with the possibility of blowing up my life and suffering financial harm. I’d like to think that somewhere deeper down it has to do with a sense of loyalty to my wife, but I really don’t know if that’s a factor, as the other reasons are so acute.

Just letting you know you are not alone. My ideal situation would be a work trip one-night stand, but not looking for any emotional affair locally to screw up finances and family.

One night stand is not worth the risk. IMO it’s only worth it for someone you might actually leave for. Otherwise so much risk/possible pain just for fleeting pleasure.

This has to be written by a woman, men would much much rather have crazy hot one night stand sex than have the complication of maintaining a deep relationship while married. BTDT and not worth it. Hotel conference sex with someone I will never see again? Sign me up!!

yep. women are all about 'exit affairs'. sadly, they have a 2% chance of that ever happening. but, willing to blow up their life and traumatize their kids and spouse for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here. Fear of getting caught.

woman here.. my DH knows that if he did cheat, I would somehow find out. He's careless, and I'm very perceptive, plus I control the finances.

If he did cheat, he knows that I would divorce him, and take half the assets. He wants to retire early really badly (and he is on track to do that). But, if he had to split his assets, he knows he can kiss his early retirement goodbye.

He knows I can be ruthless.

You sound like a wonderful wife.

[Anonymous]

How do spouses justify holding those they allegedly love hostage in a sexless marriage? I put you all in the dysfunctional box. You refuse sex, then say I'll financially destroy them if they cheat. You are batsh!t crazy. For all those hostages out there, I'm a woman and I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do spouses justify holding those they allegedly love hostage in a sexless marriage? I put you all in the dysfunctional box. You refuse sex, then say I'll financially destroy them if they cheat. You are batsh!t crazy. For all those hostages out there, I'm a woman and I'm sorry.

I don’t understand the men that DO have sec with their wives while having a secret affair.

It’s worse than being a hostage for the wife because we are physically harmed (exposed to stis w/out our knowledge) and psychologically destroyed when we find out.

How can you say you have unconditional love and reeks to while stabbing your wife in the back? And what sicko wants to have an affair with a married man?

To all the women who have experienced this, it’s awful. It takes a lifetime to get over. I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d have a hard time explaining it to my kids.

+1
Imagine getting caught and explaining it to your spouse, kids, parents, relatives, family, friends, neighbors, coworkers....Imagine being divorced, messing up kids, leaving your home and relationships and tanking your financial and emotional health.

Most people want an affair in addition to their normal life. But an affair is not an added bonus that you can have on top of your normal life. It actually is a replacement of every normal and functional part of your life. No affair partner is worth it. NONE.

[Anonymous]

I'm mid-50's, good looking but not a god, and not wealthy. My wife has sex with me twice a week. She's overweight and it's vanilla and a little bit samey after 20+ years.

Sure, I'd love some variety, but all I want is a physical affair, not a romantic one. Given my situation, I doubt I could find what I would like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d have a hard time explaining it to my kids.

+1
Imagine getting caught and explaining it to your spouse, kids, parents, relatives, family, friends, neighbors, coworkers....Imagine being divorced, messing up kids, leaving your home and relationships and tanking your financial and emotional health.

Most people want an affair in addition to their normal life. But an affair is not an added bonus that you can have on top of your normal life. It actually is a replacement of every normal and functional part of your life. No affair partner is worth it. NONE.

+1,000,000