Anti vax DH won't compromise principles and may quit Fed job, how should I prepare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH has become an anti vaxxer and feels extremely strongly that the covid vaccines, and covid testing, are unnecessary/harmful to people. I completely disagree and am vaccinated. Needless to say, this is causing a tremendous amount of stress in our relationship, which already is pretty frayed and I've thought about divorce several times over the last couple of years, but I'm afraid of taking such a big step and so far I haven't found the situation so unbearable that I could make that call. We both work FT at the GS-15 level and have middle school age kids.

DH doesn't seem to allow for any exceptions for a covid test even for something I know he ordinarily would want to do (like travel internationally) which I point out to show how he sticks to his principles pretty much no matter what. My DH also is a Fed and, after the recent executive order, I am suspicious that he intends to quit his job rather than getting the jab. I have asked him straight up what he will do and he is not giving me a clear answer. If DH wanted to change jobs for another reason, I would understand and expect that we jointly would evaluate the impact on our family bc this is how we handled it in the past. However, DH's actions have become unpredictable and I could see him just up and quitting. I'm not sure how to prepare for this, and the thought that he would be so reckless with our family is basically driving me crazy too...however, I keep reminding myself that he hasn't done anything, yet, so I'm trying to pull back emotionally and make a plan so that I'm less anxious. Basically, what should I do to protect me and our kids financially, if there is anything I can do? Does it differ whether I plan to divorce DH or not? If this will push me over the edge to choose divorce, which is how I'm feeling now, do I have to file for divorce or separation right away to demonstrate that DH not working is not the standard for our family?

Has he always been a freeloading, anti-social twat? Or is this new behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Principles? lol Your husband is mentally ill. You need to get him mental health help.

My brother is like this too, and he is mentally ill but wont do anything about it. Please dont place the burden if getting help on his wife. It’s not her fault and he cannot be compelled yo get health if he doesn't want to. Trust me, Ive tortured myself about my brother. It means my family wont visit him. I just have to come to terms with the fact he’s an adult and is responsible for his own actions (unless rightfully deemed mentally unfit).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op your husband sounds like mine. I can only tell you my house has been a tense one, over this plus other issues that lately revolve around politics and vastly different views. It's frickin miserable. That said, I personally decided that I can't divorce over this or any of our other disagreements, at least not now. I have decided to stand down. The data on kids is somewhat reassuring and I believe they will most likely be ok without vaccines. The fed mandate will take at least a little time to implement and I'm sure will have lawsuits and such. My dh may fall unde a dod loophole because they seem to be treated differently. I'll wait and see what he decides to do and try to let him make the decision. In the meantime I'm seeking out a new therapist and working on the things I can control. If he did decide to quit with no other options, I think we would move to a lower col area and I would continue working remotely or possibly seek out a new job. Honestly that doesn't sound like a bad option to me either. I'm sure others here would call me crazy for trying to be accommodating but this is what I'm trying. My kids are younger so I might feel different if they were older. But in the meantime my priority is to keep my kids close and to try to be a supportive, understanding and forgiving spouse. God help us all.

God made you a mother and you are putting your children at risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Principles? lol Your husband is mentally ill. You need to get him mental health help.

My brother is like this too, and he is mentally ill but wont do anything about it. Please dont place the burden if getting help on his wife. It’s not her fault and he cannot be compelled yo get health if he doesn't want to. Trust me, Ive tortured myself about my brother. It means my family wont visit him. I just have to come to terms with the fact he’s an adult and is responsible for his own actions (unless rightfully deemed mentally unfit).

Will you visit him once everyone in your household is vaxxed? If not, then you’ve made vaccinations as political as your brother, and are contributing to the anti-vax problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Principles? lol Your husband is mentally ill. You need to get him mental health help.

My brother is like this too, and he is mentally ill but wont do anything about it. Please dont place the burden if getting help on his wife. It’s not her fault and he cannot be compelled yo get health if he doesn't want to. Trust me, Ive tortured myself about my brother. It means my family wont visit him. I just have to come to terms with the fact he’s an adult and is responsible for his own actions (unless rightfully deemed mentally unfit).

Will you visit him once everyone in your household is vaxxed? If not, then you’ve made vaccinations as political as your brother, and are contributing to the anti-vax problem.

How does it contribute to the anti-vax problem to allow anti-vaxxers to do what they want? Honestly, they are like addicts that have to just live with the consequences of their actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Principles? lol Your husband is mentally ill. You need to get him mental health help.

My brother is like this too, and he is mentally ill but wont do anything about it. Please dont place the burden if getting help on his wife. It’s not her fault and he cannot be compelled yo get health if he doesn't want to. Trust me, Ive tortured myself about my brother. It means my family wont visit him. I just have to come to terms with the fact he’s an adult and is responsible for his own actions (unless rightfully deemed mentally unfit).

Will you visit him once everyone in your household is vaxxed? If not, then you’ve made vaccinations as political as your brother, and are contributing to the anti-vax problem.

How does it contribute to the anti-vax problem to allow anti-vaxxers to do what they want? Honestly, they are like addicts that have to just live with the consequences of their actions.

Because you’re making it about politics and control rather than concern for a person’s well-being. You will never change someone’s mind otherwise. And you’ll make implementing other programs harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take out extra life insurance on him, in addition to consulting a lawyer. Maybe ask him about his plans? Has he started applying for non fed jobs already?

It's probable kids will eventually bring Covid home from school and he will be much more susceptible than if he was vaccinated.

I'm not a Fed, but I am a contractor. We will also be required to be vaccinated.

I would start preparing to leave now OP. Consult a lawyer, figure out what housing you can afford, and start making plans. If this is a hill he is going to die on, he will be unemployed soon. He will also contract Covid soon.

I wonder if it would be eye opening for him to do some family/financial planning with him about the cost of quitting - what benefits will you/he lose - health insurance, disability, sick leave, pension and contribution, vacation days, etc. How much will it cost to pay for these when he quits? What would the impact be if he gets sick - like what is the best health insurance pal. and what deductibles and coinsurance and OOP has to be paid? If he gets fired for not taking the vaccine will that adversely affect his ability to get employed elsewhere? Where can he work that isn’t (eventualy) going to require a vaccine?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Principles? lol Your husband is mentally ill. You need to get him mental health help.

My brother is like this too, and he is mentally ill but wont do anything about it. Please dont place the burden if getting help on his wife. It’s not her fault and he cannot be compelled yo get health if he doesn't want to. Trust me, Ive tortured myself about my brother. It means my family wont visit him. I just have to come to terms with the fact he’s an adult and is responsible for his own actions (unless rightfully deemed mentally unfit).

Will you visit him once everyone in your household is vaxxed? If not, then you’ve made vaccinations as political as your brother, and are contributing to the anti-vax problem.

How does it contribute to the anti-vax problem to allow anti-vaxxers to do what they want? Honestly, they are like addicts that have to just live with the consequences of their actions.

Because you’re making it about politics and control rather than concern for a person’s well-being. You will never change someone’s mind otherwise. And you’ll make implementing other programs harder.

Antivaxxers are 100 percent about politics and control. You can talk to them all day about their "well-being;" e.g. we dont want you to get covid and potentially have long-term problems or die, the shots are safe, I can give you a ride, blah blah blah. They don't care, because it's LITERALLY all about politics and control.

I'm not the PP with the brother but have had to step back from some friends who are just not rational about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH has become an anti vaxxer and feels extremely strongly that the covid vaccines, and covid testing, are unnecessary/harmful to people. I completely disagree and am vaccinated. Needless to say, this is causing a tremendous amount of stress in our relationship, which already is pretty frayed and I've thought about divorce several times over the last couple of years, but I'm afraid of taking such a big step and so far I haven't found the situation so unbearable that I could make that call. We both work FT at the GS-15 level and have middle school age kids.

DH doesn't seem to allow for any exceptions for a covid test even for something I know he ordinarily would want to do (like travel internationally) which I point out to show how he sticks to his principles pretty much no matter what. My DH also is a Fed and, after the recent executive order, I am suspicious that he intends to quit his job rather than getting the jab. I have asked him straight up what he will do and he is not giving me a clear answer. If DH wanted to change jobs for another reason, I would understand and expect that we jointly would evaluate the impact on our family bc this is how we handled it in the past. However, DH's actions have become unpredictable and I could see him just up and quitting. I'm not sure how to prepare for this, and the thought that he would be so reckless with our family is basically driving me crazy too...however, I keep reminding myself that he hasn't done anything, yet, so I'm trying to pull back emotionally and make a plan so that I'm less anxious. Basically, what should I do to protect me and our kids financially, if there is anything I can do? Does it differ whether I plan to divorce DH or not? If this will push me over the edge to choose divorce, which is how I'm feeling now, do I have to file for divorce or separation right away to demonstrate that DH not working is not the standard for our family?

Drop all talk of covid in your house right now and don't start up again. I am wiling to bet in a couple of weeks your Dh schedules and gets the first dose of the vaccine without comment to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Principles? lol Your husband is mentally ill. You need to get him mental health help.

My brother is like this too, and he is mentally ill but wont do anything about it. Please dont place the burden if getting help on his wife. It’s not her fault and he cannot be compelled yo get health if he doesn't want to. Trust me, Ive tortured myself about my brother. It means my family wont visit him. I just have to come to terms with the fact he’s an adult and is responsible for his own actions (unless rightfully deemed mentally unfit).

Will you visit him once everyone in your household is vaxxed? If not, then you’ve made vaccinations as political as your brother, and are contributing to the anti-vax problem.

How does it contribute to the anti-vax problem to allow anti-vaxxers to do what they want? Honestly, they are like addicts that have to just live with the consequences of their actions.

Because you’re making it about politics and control rather than concern for a person’s well-being. You will never change someone’s mind otherwise. And you’ll make implementing other programs harder.

Antivaxxers are 100 percent about politics and control. You can talk to them all day about their "well-being;" e.g. we dont want you to get covid and potentially have long-term problems or die, the shots are safe, I can give you a ride, blah blah blah. They don't care, because it's LITERALLY all about politics and control.

I'm not the PP with the brother but have had to step back from some friends who are just not rational about this.

So cutting off the brother only reinforces that “vaxxers” are all about control and you play right into their hands. There is blood on both extremes, and they are working frim the same playbook. OP is in a very difficult situation because of the environment that’s been created by the extremes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Principles? lol Your husband is mentally ill. You need to get him mental health help.

My brother is like this too, and he is mentally ill but wont do anything about it. Please dont place the burden if getting help on his wife. It’s not her fault and he cannot be compelled yo get health if he doesn't want to. Trust me, Ive tortured myself about my brother. It means my family wont visit him. I just have to come to terms with the fact he’s an adult and is responsible for his own actions (unless rightfully deemed mentally unfit).

Will you visit him once everyone in your household is vaxxed? If not, then you’ve made vaccinations as political as your brother, and are contributing to the anti-vax problem.

How does it contribute to the anti-vax problem to allow anti-vaxxers to do what they want? Honestly, they are like addicts that have to just live with the consequences of their actions.

Because you’re making it about politics and control rather than concern for a person’s well-being. You will never change someone’s mind otherwise. And you’ll make implementing other programs harder.

Antivaxxers are 100 percent about politics and control. You can talk to them all day about their "well-being;" e.g. we dont want you to get covid and potentially have long-term problems or die, the shots are safe, I can give you a ride, blah blah blah. They don't care, because it's LITERALLY all about politics and control.

I'm not the PP with the brother but have had to step back from some friends who are just not rational about this.

So cutting off the brother only reinforces that “vaxxers” are all about control and you play right into their hands. There is blood on both extremes, and they are working frim the same playbook. OP is in a very difficult situation because of the environment that’s been created by the extremes.

Nonsense. OP is in a difficult situation because her husband has gone off the deep end and seems to be prepared to throw away his job and possibly his marriage... for what? He won't even discuss it with her or make a plan. There is no "both sides" to this issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Principles? lol Your husband is mentally ill. You need to get him mental health help.

My brother is like this too, and he is mentally ill but wont do anything about it. Please dont place the burden if getting help on his wife. It’s not her fault and he cannot be compelled yo get health if he doesn't want to. Trust me, Ive tortured myself about my brother. It means my family wont visit him. I just have to come to terms with the fact he’s an adult and is responsible for his own actions (unless rightfully deemed mentally unfit).

Will you visit him once everyone in your household is vaxxed? If not, then you’ve made vaccinations as political as your brother, and are contributing to the anti-vax problem.

How does it contribute to the anti-vax problem to allow anti-vaxxers to do what they want? Honestly, they are like addicts that have to just live with the consequences of their actions.

Because you’re making it about politics and control rather than concern for a person’s well-being. You will never change someone’s mind otherwise. And you’ll make implementing other programs harder.

Antivaxxers are 100 percent about politics and control. You can talk to them all day about their "well-being;" e.g. we dont want you to get covid and potentially have long-term problems or die, the shots are safe, I can give you a ride, blah blah blah. They don't care, because it's LITERALLY all about politics and control.

I'm not the PP with the brother but have had to step back from some friends who are just not rational about this.

So cutting off the brother only reinforces that “vaxxers” are all about control and you play right into their hands. There is blood on both extremes, and they are working frim the same playbook. OP is in a very difficult situation because of the environment that’s been created by the extremes.

Nonsense. OP is in a difficult situation because her husband has gone off the deep end and seems to be prepared to throw away his job and possibly his marriage... for what? He won't even discuss it with her or make a plan. There is no "both sides" to this issue.

Believe what you want, but don’t come crying to me later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Principles? lol Your husband is mentally ill. You need to get him mental health help.

My brother is like this too, and he is mentally ill but wont do anything about it. Please dont place the burden if getting help on his wife. It’s not her fault and he cannot be compelled yo get health if he doesn't want to. Trust me, Ive tortured myself about my brother. It means my family wont visit him. I just have to come to terms with the fact he’s an adult and is responsible for his own actions (unless rightfully deemed mentally unfit).

Will you visit him once everyone in your household is vaxxed? If not, then you’ve made vaccinations as political as your brother, and are contributing to the anti-vax problem.

How does it contribute to the anti-vax problem to allow anti-vaxxers to do what they want? Honestly, they are like addicts that have to just live with the consequences of their actions.

Because you’re making it about politics and control rather than concern for a person’s well-being. You will never change someone’s mind otherwise. And you’ll make implementing other programs harder.

Antivaxxers are 100 percent about politics and control. You can talk to them all day about their "well-being;" e.g. we dont want you to get covid and potentially have long-term problems or die, the shots are safe, I can give you a ride, blah blah blah. They don't care, because it's LITERALLY all about politics and control.

I'm not the PP with the brother but have had to step back from some friends who are just not rational about this.

So cutting off the brother only reinforces that “vaxxers” are all about control and you play right into their hands. There is blood on both extremes, and they are working frim the same playbook. OP is in a very difficult situation because of the environment that’s been created by the extremes.

Nonsense. OP is in a difficult situation because her husband has gone off the deep end and seems to be prepared to throw away his job and possibly his marriage... for what? He won't even discuss it with her or make a plan. There is no "both sides" to this issue.

Believe what you want, but don’t come crying to me later.

Why should I cry? I'm vaccinated and so is my fed husband. Everybody keeps their job, we stay married, and nobody dies of covid. He is 100 percent remote anyway. Easy day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Principles? lol Your husband is mentally ill. You need to get him mental health help.

My brother is like this too, and he is mentally ill but wont do anything about it. Please dont place the burden if getting help on his wife. It’s not her fault and he cannot be compelled yo get health if he doesn't want to. Trust me, Ive tortured myself about my brother. It means my family wont visit him. I just have to come to terms with the fact he’s an adult and is responsible for his own actions (unless rightfully deemed mentally unfit).

Will you visit him once everyone in your household is vaxxed? If not, then you’ve made vaccinations as political as your brother, and are contributing to the anti-vax problem.

How does it contribute to the anti-vax problem to allow anti-vaxxers to do what they want? Honestly, they are like addicts that have to just live with the consequences of their actions.

Because you’re making it about politics and control rather than concern for a person’s well-being. You will never change someone’s mind otherwise. And you’ll make implementing other programs harder.

Antivaxxers are 100 percent about politics and control. You can talk to them all day about their "well-being;" e.g. we dont want you to get covid and potentially have long-term problems or die, the shots are safe, I can give you a ride, blah blah blah. They don't care, because it's LITERALLY all about politics and control.

I'm not the PP with the brother but have had to step back from some friends who are just not rational about this.

So cutting off the brother only reinforces that “vaxxers” are all about control and you play right into their hands. There is blood on both extremes, and they are working frim the same playbook. OP is in a very difficult situation because of the environment that’s been created by the extremes.

Nonsense. OP is in a difficult situation because her husband has gone off the deep end and seems to be prepared to throw away his job and possibly his marriage... for what? He won't even discuss it with her or make a plan. There is no "both sides" to this issue.

Believe what you want, but don’t come crying to me later.

Huh? Taking those crazy pills again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is probably fully vaccinated beyond the covid vaccine and its his choice. If you want to divorce, go for it. You sound really difficult. Just file for divorce, agree to 50/50 custody, move out and find housing for yourself and be done with it. If you threaten divorce, be prepared to follow through. If my spouse filed, there would be no turning back.

Your spouse should file.

My spouse had to take care of everything for three months after I got sick with the second vaccine shot after he pushed me into taking it. He doesn't want to do everything again and values our marriage. If he wants a divorce, he can have one.

I’m pregnant and not yet vaccinated and I want to get it soon…what happened to you? Did it end okay? Was the first shot okay?

Pregnant PP, PLEASE do not listen to anything this poster responds about how the vaccine "made me sick" etc. Drama. Either the PP had some other condition going on or had some allergy to something in the vaccine--which is VERY rare indeed.

Please instead read the story in today's Post about this couple who both died of Covid. The wife gave birth to her fifth child and died of Covid three weeks later, leaving behind all those children with no parents. The wife was a nurse yet didn't get vaccinated because she, sadly, seemed leery of the vaccine due to myths about the vaccine and pregnancy. Please read this story.

Yes, it's scary. It should be.

If you cannot open the link, just Google the name Davy Macias.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2021/09/13/davy-daniel-macias-covid-19/

"

A pregnant friend of a friend waited to get her vaccine until after the baby was born. Unfortunately, she got COVID towards the end of her pregnancy and died less than two weeks after delivery.

Yes pregnant pp I hope you’re still reading and get the shot. My sister is an OB and I haven’t heard her scared yet since covid started, but she is pregnant now as well and just got her booster shot because she said they are just seeing awful awful things with pregnant women. The shot is not what you should be scared of. Getting covid and leaving your baby without a mother is.