Anti vax DH won't compromise principles and may quit Fed job, how should I prepare?

[Anonymous]

My DH has become an anti vaxxer and feels extremely strongly that the covid vaccines, and covid testing, are unnecessary/harmful to people. I completely disagree and am vaccinated. Needless to say, this is causing a tremendous amount of stress in our relationship, which already is pretty frayed and I've thought about divorce several times over the last couple of years, but I'm afraid of taking such a big step and so far I haven't found the situation so unbearable that I could make that call. We both work FT at the GS-15 level and have middle school age kids.

DH doesn't seem to allow for any exceptions for a covid test even for something I know he ordinarily would want to do (like travel internationally) which I point out to show how he sticks to his principles pretty much no matter what. My DH also is a Fed and, after the recent executive order, I am suspicious that he intends to quit his job rather than getting the jab. I have asked him straight up what he will do and he is not giving me a clear answer. If DH wanted to change jobs for another reason, I would understand and expect that we jointly would evaluate the impact on our family bc this is how we handled it in the past. However, DH's actions have become unpredictable and I could see him just up and quitting. I'm not sure how to prepare for this, and the thought that he would be so reckless with our family is basically driving me crazy too...however, I keep reminding myself that he hasn't done anything, yet, so I'm trying to pull back emotionally and make a plan so that I'm less anxious. Basically, what should I do to protect me and our kids financially, if there is anything I can do? Does it differ whether I plan to divorce DH or not? If this will push me over the edge to choose divorce, which is how I'm feeling now, do I have to file for divorce or separation right away to demonstrate that DH not working is not the standard for our family?

[Anonymous]

He is probably fully vaccinated beyond the covid vaccine and its his choice. If you want to divorce, go for it. You sound really difficult. Just file for divorce, agree to 50/50 custody, move out and find housing for yourself and be done with it. If you threaten divorce, be prepared to follow through. If my spouse filed, there would be no turning back.

[Anonymous]

Principles? lol Your husband is mentally ill. You need to get him mental health help.

[Anonymous]

Family court judges are not very happy about unvaccinated parents right now.

[Anonymous]

There’s no question in my mind that I would divorce him. Unless he has some legitimate PEG allergy or something but you have not mentioned

[Anonymous]

I would take out extra life insurance on him, in addition to consulting a lawyer. Maybe ask him about his plans? Has he started applying for non fed jobs already?

It's probable kids will eventually bring Covid home from school and he will be much more susceptible than if he was vaccinated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is probably fully vaccinated beyond the covid vaccine and its his choice. If you want to divorce, go for it. You sound really difficult. Just file for divorce, agree to 50/50 custody, move out and find housing for yourself and be done with it. If you threaten divorce, be prepared to follow through. If my spouse filed, there would be no turning back.

Your spouse should file.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Principles? lol Your husband is mentally ill. You need to get him mental health help.

This is ridiculous. DH, DC and I are all fully vaxed. I agree with the mandate and wish Biden would have included all interstate travel by public transport but someone not wanting to be vaxed does not mean they are mentally ill.

OP, I'm sorry. There is no easy answer on this but if he does quit his job without another comparable job that would be a dealbreaker for me.

[Anonymous]

I would tell him if he quits his job over Covid he will lose both his job and his marriage. And if he says fine I’m quitting, start divorce proceedings. I know an anti-Vaxer who convinced his parents to not get vaccinated and they both died this summer from Covid. I wonder how he lives with that?

[Anonymous]

If you file for divorce and your husband does get the vaccine, will you still go through with it?

I mean, in theory, if he looks at the big picture... losing his job, losing his wife & family... and that kicks him into action, will you still go through with it?

FWIW, I have an ex-military, anti-vaxx cousin who lost her healthcare job recently due to her refusal to get vaccinated. Her husband, also ex-military but vaccinated, has threatened divorce but not yet gone through with it. I think if he did it may change her mind about things. Right now she's still in the post-let-go high of having so! much! free! time! to do all the things she's wanted to. And she believes that she'll easily be able to get another non-healthcare job as a placeholder until "covid dies down and vaccine requirements are no longer a thing." But an impending divorce and him no longer paying for everything would force her to stop the pinterest crafts and get a job asap, IMO.

In the case of my cousin and her husband, her pay was higher than her husband's pay but not by much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Principles? lol Your husband is mentally ill. You need to get him mental health help.

This is ridiculous. DH, DC and I are all fully vaxed. I agree with the mandate and wish Biden would have included all interstate travel by public transport but someone not wanting to be vaxed does not mean they are mentally ill.

OP, I'm sorry. There is no easy answer on this but if he does quit his job without another comparable job that would be a dealbreaker for me.

Believing covid testing is harmful to people? Behaving increasingly erratically?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Principles? lol Your husband is mentally ill. You need to get him mental health help.

This is ridiculous. DH, DC and I are all fully vaxed. I agree with the mandate and wish Biden would have included all interstate travel by public transport but someone not wanting to be vaxxed does not mean they are mentally ill.

OP, I'm sorry. There is no easy answer on this but if he does quit his job without another comparable job that would be a dealbreaker for me.

Believing covid testing is harmful to people? Behaving increasingly erratically?

Agreed. He is mentally ill. Mental illness is a grounds for divorce. Financial suicide is a grounds for divorce. That you have thought to divorce him even before this...it is ground for divorce. Protect yourself and your kids and make sure that he is out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is probably fully vaccinated beyond the covid vaccine and its his choice. If you want to divorce, go for it. You sound really difficult. Just file for divorce, agree to 50/50 custody, move out and find housing for yourself and be done with it. If you threaten divorce, be prepared to follow through. If my spouse filed, there would be no turning back.

Your spouse should file.

My spouse had to take care of everything for three months after I got sick with the second vaccine shot after he pushed me into taking it. He doesn't want to do everything again and values our marriage. If he wants a divorce, he can have one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is probably fully vaccinated beyond the covid vaccine and its his choice. If you want to divorce, go for it. You sound really difficult. Just file for divorce, agree to 50/50 custody, move out and find housing for yourself and be done with it. If you threaten divorce, be prepared to follow through. If my spouse filed, there would be no turning back.

SHE sounds difficult? What?

Yeah, no. Hubs is an a$$.

[Anonymous]

Are your children vaccinated? If so, how did he react to that?