Some questions about adoption!

[Anonymous]

Thinking of adoption at some point... and would love to hear from others experiences with the process!
1. Did you already have kids?
2. Did you adopt privately through an agency or through the foster system?
3. How long did the process take?
4. What age was your child(ren) when you adopted?
5. How much did the adoption cost?
6. Anything you learned along the way that would be helpful to someone considering adoption or anything you did differently you would share?)

[Anonymous]

1. Did not have other kids
2. Adopted internationally, through an agency and the other government—not facilitated by a private attorney. The latter can be shadey, with regard to ethics/coercion.
3. Process took around a year.
4. Child was 14 months old when I got her
5. Cost was close to 20K (including home study, agency fees, travel etc)—close To 20 years ago
6. It is scary but SO worth it. My daughter is a joy. Adopting her was the best decision I ever made. The live and experience of raising a child is comparable to having a biological child (I have been told this by people who did both). Just a different way to attain the same outcome. Go for it!!

[Anonymous]

Sorry, previous post (#6) should have read love not live

[Anonymous]

No other kids, used Adoptions Together and did a domestic infant adoption. I wanted to adopt from Central America initially but when we looked into International no other country ( that does adoptions with the US) will adopt to a gay couple. This may have changed by now, I have no idea. We started the process in March 2011 and finished all our paperwork, home study, background check etc in Nov. it’s a lot built they walk you through it. Adopted DD the following July, so less than a year actual wait time. She was 31 days old. Healthy AA infant. Our total cost was around $23K. Some of this is income based. Our HHI at the time was around 130K. One of the things I like about Adoptions Together is their after adoption support. Because we are a transracial adoptive family we joined their transracial support group. We meet once a month ( pre Covid) and the adults can chat about different racial related issues we might be having and the kids play and get to be around other kids with families like theirs.

[Anonymous]

1) No
2) Private
3) 1 month once I joined an adoption agency, however, 12 months total including home study and using only a lawyer for networking.
4) Less than 1 day old (I had 3 days notice.)
5) 35,000
6) There is so much random much involved. The best thing you can do is stay positive even when you feel it will never happen. Your luck could change at any moment. Good luck!

*** I adopted as a single woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) No
2) Private
3) 1 month once I joined an adoption agency, however, 12 months total including home study and using only a lawyer for networking.
4) Less than 1 day old (I had 3 days notice.)
5) 35,000
6) There is so much random much involved. The best thing you can do is stay positive even when you feel it will never happen. Your luck could change at any moment. Good luck!

*** I adopted as a single woman

I forgot to add that I adopted domestically (Texas) but I am in MD.

[Anonymous]

1. Did you already have kids? yes
2. Did you adopt privately through an agency or through the foster system? adopted privately
3. How long did the process take? few months once we started it
4. What age was your child(ren) when you adopted? the one who was adopted was 8, my daughter (born to me) was 5
5. How much did the adoption cost? dunno, I didn't pay
6. Anything you learned along the way that would be helpful to someone considering adoption or anything you did differently you would share?)

We had an unusual situation in that we were adopting the brother of my boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

1. Did you already have kids? No, she was our first child (we had a bio child after).
2. Did you adopt privately through an agency or through the foster system? Adopted through an agency for an international adoption.
3. How long did the process take? From first application to bringing her home, it took 14 months. Most of the wait was due to both American and international governments' clearance processes.
4. What age was your child(ren) when you adopted? 10 months old.
5. How much did the adoption cost? I think it was around $22k, but that included a 2 week trip to visit the country and pick her up, which wasn't required at the time (it is now).
6. Anything you learned along the way that would be helpful to someone considering adoption or anything you did differently you would share?) If you're going to be of a different race than your child, please learn about parenting in a transracial adoption. Also know that the love for an adopted child is no different than for a bio child, but adoption adds a complex layer or two. I am also a transracial adult adoptee in reunion with my birth parents, and my desire to search for them was no way a reflection or indictment of my adoptive parents.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

1. Did you already have kids? I adopted three times, so no for the first time, but yes for the second and third

2. Did you adopt privately through an agency or through the foster system? twice private international, once foster care

3. How long did the process take? 10 months for the first and second and 14 months for the third.

4. What age was your child(ren) when you adopted? 2.5 years, 7 years and 10 months

5. How much did the adoption cost? from $10k to $35k. The two private were international so they were expensive due to travel.

6. Anything you learned along the way that would be helpful to someone considering adoption or anything you did differently you would share?) I'd suggest educating yourself about attachment issues and FASD. I don't believe many people are honest about their prenatal alcohol use and FASD can be devastating. And, attachment issues come in all different forms, the most severe being Reactive Attachment Disorder. I am involved in different adoption groups and very few people would tell you that there are not some sort of attachment issues, some of which are really severe. And, many times, these issues (FASD and attachment) don't manifest until the teen years.

[Anonymous]

I am a PP but want to add something. With Adoptions Together we had to create a photo album about ourselves and our life that they could show a prospective birth mother. Some will pick and others let the agency pick. It’s really hard because you feel like you are trying to sell yourself as this awesome set of parents. AT told us to be ourselves because every birth mother looks for something different. We are a white 2 Mom couple and we’re so nervous that everyone would want a Mom and Dad for their kid. When AT shower our birth Mom our album she liked us because we traveled, she said she never got to travel and liked the fact we would expose the baby to different places. Our travel was trips to Rehoboth, England to visit my family, and day trips for hikes etc. it’s crazy to us that that’s what she focused on but obviously we are happy she did.

[Anonymous]

If you are adopting from another country, look into why the kids are likely to be available.

In Korea, for example, it is due to social stigma (e.g., out of wedlock births there are still frowned upon). In Russia, it is due to the child being taken away (due to abuse/neglect/parental addiction). Obviously, those two scenarios pose different risks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thinking of adoption at some point... and would love to hear from others experiences with the process!
1. Did you already have kids?
2. Did you adopt privately through an agency or through the foster system?
3. How long did the process take?
4. What age was your child(ren) when you adopted?
5. How much did the adoption cost?
6. Anything you learned along the way that would be helpful to someone considering adoption or anything you did differently you would share?)

1. no
2. private, not through agency
3. 5-6 years. We were part of two agencies and a facility and they took our money/no baby
4. newborn
5. No idea. Stopped counting - maybe $50-60K with all the agency and facilitator fees, attorney costs and private advertising but actual adoption was not expensive, maybe around $12K
6. That the agencies, facilitators and attorneys can take your money, promise you a child and never give you one and there is absolutely no accountability. Terrible ethics in the adoption community and its a business vs. helping kids get families. Lots of shady things happening. We were offered several buy-a-baby situations but declined as they were very very shady. Talk directly to the birth parents and make sure they want this. If you offer an open adoption, follow through. We have an amazing relationship with birth mom's family and we all consider each other family. We don't have the typical worries as they are so loving and supportive of us as we are them. There were a lot of heartbreaks in the process and stick with it till the end. Its ok to turn down situations you are not comfortable with.

[Anonymous]

Avoid private adoption/adoption attorneys.

They are not in it for the right reasons.

Agencies like Holt, Adoptions Together, Catholic Charities are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Avoid private adoption/adoption attorneys.

They are not in it for the right reasons.

Agencies like Holt, Adoptions Together, Catholic Charities are.

We did a private adoption and it was much more ethical and far better than the agencies. We were signed up with two agencies after leaving a local one and all three were dishonest and money grabs. A private adoption worked out by the families is far best and the attorneys do the paperwork. Some attorneys match, others don't. The best way to do it is to sign up with an agency and also try private.

[Anonymous]

I’m going to skip to number 6 and tell you that you need to be informed about FASD, attachment issues, learning disabilities, and mood disorders. Adopting a “healthy” child often only means they are physically healthy, but very often there are many mental health issues. I love my kids, but life is hard. And it is hard for many other adoptive families.