If you had a baby in your late twenties

[Anonymous]

Do you ever regret it/wished you had waited?

I'm 26, my husband is 30. We've got all our ducks in a row (married 2 years, both employed at good stable jobs, both have grad degrees, we just bought our first house, we have decent savings and no debt besides the mortgage, etc.). We've been talking about having a baby soon. Originally we planned to wait because we wanted to travel more internationally and take a few big bucket list type trips but they are on hold now with Covid. So my husband thinks we are at a good place in our lives now to start ttc. Fwiw, we've been together since college so even though we are newly married, we've been together a while.

I do want to have kids but the thing is, I feel weird about it because 27 is considered sooo young to have a baby nowadays. When I mention it to friends, they all look at me like I am insane. Most of my friends are still single so they're no help and the few who are partnered don't want to have kids until their early to mid thirties at least because of grad school/job stuff.

Just curious if anyone on here had their first baby young and if you regret it/wish you had waited and why. Or, alternatively, if you did wait until your mid thirties and wish you had started earlier and why.

Basically, do you have any advice for someone in my position.

[Anonymous]

I had my oldest at 29 (he's now 15). We had been married a little over 4 years when he was born. Like you, we had stable jobs and had already bought a house. My only regret was not having traveled more before we had him. If I wasn't already pregnant right now, I don't think I'd choose to get pregnant during a pandemic at age 27. You are so young!

[Anonymous]

Op, if you’re ready, go ahead. You don’t know how your fertility road will be. You can travel with kids if you prioritize it, and once they are early elementary, it becomes easier again. Toughest time for travel is when child is 1.5-5, after that it becomes easier again.

[Anonymous]

I had my first at 27. The pros for me were no fertility issues, plenty of time to space out another child, and getting through the baby/toddler years while we were young. There are cons, too, most notably my career. It's really hard to build a career with an infant/toddler at an age when most people don't have kids. It took me a long time in my thirties to catch up with my peers and in my late thirties I struggled with feeling inferior. We also had less money because I made less. The very young baby years are wonderful but also kind of miserable, and it might have been nice to have old friends who were also going through the same thing -- mine were still mostly single and didn't get it, at all.

It's nice now that we're in our 40s/50s and our kids are older and will be leaving for college soon.

So anyway, pluses and minuses. I'd probably delay a couple years if I were doing it over, but there were good things about it.

[Anonymous]

My mom had me at 27 while finishing her medical training. I had kids at 37 and 40. She did it right. Start now.

[Anonymous]

It’s the perfect time. It only seems young in this unusual area. Go for it. You will have less trouble getting pregnant, more energy, and you will have more of your youth left by the time the kids are grown. I had mine at 29 and 32.

[Anonymous]

Had DS at 26.5. IUD fail (and he wasn't expected to survive it) so not planned either. Yes, sometimes I wish I was older. DH was 29 so less so. BUT most of my friends waited until they were in their 30s and they sometimes have regrets about that too. My best friend is 32 and her DH is 38. They've been trying for 2 years. Her DH is starting to rethink how many kids he wants because he doesn't want a newborn in his 40s. I really don't think that there is a "perfect" time. There are usually trade offs on both ends.

He's 7 now and I'm happier that I had him early than I was when he was a baby. The fact that I had him young doesn't really come into play anymore We are also very very fortunate that DS is easy going and we have lots of family help. So DH and I have always been able to retain some of that fun part of our late 20s and early 30s.

So my advice is, there is rarely, if ever a time when it's perfectly right. Don't base your decision off what your friends are doing or what is the social norm. Do what's right for you. If you want kids now, have them. If you're hesitant, wait. Revisit it in a year. You don't have to say "no I'm not going to have them until 30". Just say "I'm not ready yet. I feel like I'm too young. Let's discuss this again next year"

[Anonymous]

I had my first at 27 too. I don't regret it. He's 11 now and it's kind of nice to be 38 with an 11 year old and a 9 year old instead of a 2 year old and a baby.

The one thing is, it's hard to be out of step with your peers. We started early because we're homebodies and not big partiers. Never one to go out to bars or clubs. So we basically skipped that whole phase.

But that means that we're in a different parenting stage than a lot of our college and work friends who are deep in the baby and toddler stage right now. I don't envy them, that's for sure! But I also don't really relate. I have no interest in talking about sleep training, breast feeding, potty training, toddler tantrums, preschools, etc. I always feel like telling them that none of that stuff they're stressing about really matters in the long run but I bite my tongue because I remember what it was like. It's normal to stress but none of it matters.

As for travel, our incomes increased a lot in our 30s so we just brought our kids with us. Before CV, we traveled 5-6 times a year so I don't feel like I missed out on anything travel related. You may experience the same when everything returns to normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my first at 27. The pros for me were no fertility issues, plenty of time to space out another child, and getting through the baby/toddler years while we were young. There are cons, too, most notably my career. It's really hard to build a career with an infant/toddler at an age when most people don't have kids. It took me a long time in my thirties to catch up with my peers and in my late thirties I struggled with feeling inferior. We also had less money because I made less. The very young baby years are wonderful but also kind of miserable, and it might have been nice to have old friends who were also going through the same thing -- mine were still mostly single and didn't get it, at all.

It's nice now that we're in our 40s/50s and our kids are older and will be leaving for college soon.

So anyway, pluses and minuses. I'd probably delay a couple years if I were doing it over, but there were good things about it.

I just thought I'd add to this - we were also educated with grad degrees, had just bought a house, and had stable jobs. The thing I didn't anticipate was how difficult it would be for me in my late 20s/early 30s to cope with raising a baby while building a career. (In stereotypical fashion, my husband's career was not impacted at all). I paid a price professionally for it that he didn't. Something to keep in mind.

[Anonymous]

I had my first at 23 and my second at 28. My first I think I was a little young for, but I love that I have a teenager and I’m only in my mid 30s.

My second, however, I think I had at the perfect age. I wouldn’t change a thing about it.

[Anonymous]

start now. We had ours when I was 32 and 35. The oldest is 11 now, and I'm 43. We're doing great, but as college draws nearer, I wish I were younger so I could be around longer for them. i see my peers who waited longer struggling with fertility issues, shelling out for IVF, etc, and sometimes dealing with serious health concerns. Take life as it comes, but if the time feels right in other ways -- the whole world is nesting, it seems -- maybe follow that lead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my first at 27 too. I don't regret it. He's 11 now and it's kind of nice to be 38 with an 11 year old and a 9 year old instead of a 2 year old and a baby.

The one thing is, it's hard to be out of step with your peers. We started early because we're homebodies and not big partiers. Never one to go out to bars or clubs. So we basically skipped that whole phase.

But that means that we're in a different parenting stage than a lot of our college and work friends who are deep in the baby and toddler stage right now. I don't envy them, that's for sure! But I also don't really relate. I have no interest in talking about sleep training, breast feeding, potty training, toddler tantrums, preschools, etc. I always feel like telling them that none of that stuff they're stressing about really matters in the long run but I bite my tongue because I remember what it was like. It's normal to stress but none of it matters.

As for travel, our incomes increased a lot in our 30s so we just brought our kids with us. Before CV, we traveled 5-6 times a year so I don't feel like I missed out on anything travel related. You may experience the same when everything returns to normal.

I relate to this too. I had my first baby 13 years before my best friend had her first. The kids are so far apart it's almost like we have nothing useful to say to each other about that part of our lives. We listen to each other and try to be supportive but it's not the same as talking to someone who is in the thick of the same thing.

[Anonymous]

I had my kids at 27, 30, and 33.

My mom and grandmother had secondary infertility so I don’t wish I waited.

[Anonymous]

I had 4 by age 30. Sure it was hectic back then but now They are all in/graduated from college and I am 48. Many of my coworkers my age or older aren't even close to having kids in college. I can't imagine that. Start now!

[Anonymous]

If you're ready now and it's something you really want, I'd go for it. You never know what problems you might face in the future (like infertility).