If you had a baby in your late twenties

[Anonymous]

Do you want to have a kid right now? You said your DH wants to start trying, but do you?

I don't think you ever feel 100% ready, but you should definitely want it before starting. It's such a huge change, it's not something you should feel pressured into. Having a kid doesn't end your life - of course you can travel and do things you want to do - but it really is so massively different.

I had mine at 32. No particular reason to wait, it just wasn't something I really thought about before then. No regrets, and I'm glad I was a little more senior in my job when I had mine. Getting back to full speed was difficult for me, so it was nice to feel established in my position.

Honestly, even separate from age, being pregnant in a pandemic looks . . . really hard. I'd probably wait for that reason alone, though I know opinions differ on this.

[Anonymous]

I'm 37 now and I'll be 45 when my youngest (of 2) graduates. I am SO excited for that.

[Anonymous]

It comes down to what you two want. Down South, we were "late" compared to our friends because we didn't have our daughter until we were 28. We'd already been married six years, and most of our friends had multiples. Their kids are almost grown now while ours is only 10. That's another thing. We "only" had one while none of my friends have just one. The only thing you have to be careful about is fertility. Otherwise, do what you want.

[Anonymous]

I met DH in college and we got married at 24. Had my oldest at 29. We started trying when I was 26- I had just been laid off in the 08 recession so the timing made sense. Even in my mid-20’s we had fertility issues and it took us 2.5 years to get pregnant. I’m glad we started trying when we did. It made sense for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom had her kids at 27, 29, 30. She and my dad had been married since they were 21, so they waited 6 years, a fairly long time.

I had my kids at 41 and 43. It was perfect for me. Her timing was perfect for her. We are all on our own schedule.

My sister had an unplanned kid at 21 when I was in high school. She went to college until she was 19. My parents and I basically raised the kid for years.

[Anonymous]

I turned 30 shortly before my son was born. It was a good time for me. Young enough to have energy for the energy filled little kid years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend in the whole world had her first at 27 and her second at 33. I had my first at 36 and my second at 40. We've never felt out of step even though we've led very different lives in many ways. She's a kindergarten teacher and I'm a professional in a "big" job with way too much travel. None of this has ever been an issue. Her kids dote on mine and mine idolize hers. It's all good. Count your lucky stars.

I think this is a really important point. OP, I had my first at 28 in NYC and was definitely on the younger end of the mothers there, but did find some women my age through mother's groups/playgroups/baby classes. That being said, the majority of my mom friends were older, and that's really ok! It's an instant connection when you have children the same age, and some of the differences women may experience being at somewhat different ages do melt away when you have other things in common. You may feel more connected to women not based off their age, but where they are in their life stages in comparison with you (married several years, finished graduate school, etc).

[Anonymous]

I had my kids ten years later then you. And I wish it had been earlier. My mom had me late too. I saw how my own parents health deteriorated with age, and I am sad that its possible I will be not in a healthy state when my own kids are starting families (assuming they also do so on the later side).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friend in the whole world had her first at 27 and her second at 33. I had my first at 36 and my second at 40. We've never felt out of step even though we've led very different lives in many ways. She's a kindergarten teacher and I'm a professional in a "big" job with way too much travel. None of this has ever been an issue. Her kids dote on mine and mine idolize hers. It's all good. Count your lucky stars.

I think this is a really important point. OP, I had my first at 28 in NYC and was definitely on the younger end of the mothers there, but did find some women my age through mother's groups/playgroups/baby classes. That being said, the majority of my mom friends were older, and that's really ok! It's an instant connection when you have children the same age, and some of the differences women may experience being at somewhat different ages do melt away when you have other things in common. You may feel more connected to women not based off their age, but where they are in their life stages in comparison with you (married several years, finished graduate school, etc).

+1 (but I'm the first PP so goes without saying). I wanted to say that it's OK to have friends with differences. It's OK if some of them like partying and cruise travel (which most of my business school friends do) while I like nothing better than a good book and a hammock under a tree. Sure, common interests bring us together but how boring would it be if we all had identical lives. Embrace the differences.

[Anonymous]

That’s not early at all. I had my twins in my late twenties, I honestly wish I started earlier

[Anonymous]

Twenty-seven is NOT young. Not at all. If your life is together, then there is no need to wait. You don't know what the future will bring, so why waste time?

[Anonymous]

Don’t wait OP. If I was married in my 20s I absolutely would’ve started then. As it stands I had one at 34 and 37. I’m nearing 50 and although most of my friends have kids right around my kids ages I still wish I had done it much earlier. My mother had three kids by the time she was 29. My grandmother had her last kid at 39. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way, but I do think it’s much easier when you’re younger.

[Anonymous]

I had my twins at 31 and am now 45 and am feeling old.
I wouldn't mind being a few years younger with my kids the ages they are (kids are almost 14, 14 and 12).
I'd love to have them all out of the house and in college by the time I turned 50.

[Anonymous]

Just had our first at 34, and don’t regret it (so far). We did a lot of international traveling and still wanted to enjoy a child-free life a few more years. More than sleep, it was the freedom I missed and the ability to do anything I wanted at any moment (I’m talking about going to the grocery store or the pharmacy, etc on a whim). Now I don’t remember life before her.

Don’t worry about what your friends think of are doing. You guys sound stable, but think about if it’s what YOU really want right now, and not just bc you guys can’t do anythjng/go anywhere bc of COVID.

[Anonymous]

for many reasons, it's better to do it before you hit 30. Years ago, it used to be 25, and after 30 you would be considered "high-risk". It all changed now due do advances in medicine but our bodies did not change. It's so difficult after certain age, even those sleepless nights. We all delay but then we pay the price when we have no energy for our teenagers because we are just too old.
Our grandmothers had it right.