If you had a baby in your late twenties

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had three kids before 30. I wanted to make sure that when I am 50, I can enjoy traveling again and have time for myself and my husband to reconnect like we used to without the interruption of children. I also wanted to make sure that when they have children I am there for them and can help watch them so they can build their career and life.

Good planning.

PP

[Anonymous]

I had three kids between 31 and 39. My husband will be 58 and I will be 57 when my youngest graduates hs. I’m too old for this!

[Anonymous]

I had my kids at 27, 29, 33. I feel really lucky to have had a partner and resources to make this timing work! We would not have had a third if we couldn’t do a larger spacing between 2 and 3.

[Anonymous]

Had my first at 33. Wanted to try earlier but DH was not ready. Because of life factors and infertility will be having my last at 38. So I will be 56 when they graduate college. Wish I had them at 28, 31, and 33. Then last one would be graduating college with me at 51. It would mean having paid off house and college before I retire and then traveling and enjoying life with DH in our 60s. Also would mean being younger to enjoy grand babies. But my kids are my joy and I am glad to have them at any age

[Anonymous]

You’re already leading a settled “parent” lifestyle. Why wait? I started at 27 but I did miss the partying with my friends (unplanned pregnancy). That said I don’t regret a thing.

[Anonymous]

Some antecdata - I had my first at 27, and post-baby completed the majority of my ivy masters, continued to be promoted at work, and continued traveling internationally (mostly for work but some personal too). Also continued spending time with my friends, some who are still single, very few had kids in their 20s. And it was all good (mostly), I wish I started earlier but it took a year to get pregnant. My point is that your life will only stop as you know it if you chose to let it stop. I understand that it’s Nice to have your close friends to discuss sleep training etc with, but in the scheme of things that’s so small, and honestly, as someone upstream said, the less time you can spend worrying about it the better, because in the long run in doesn’t really matter. Easier to worry less when it’s not a constant topic of conversation built into your life.

[Anonymous]

I just had my first and likely last at 38. I would love to have had a kid a decade ago - I just didn’t have my s*** together enough to do it. I would go for it.

[Anonymous]

No regrets. I'm 41 and just wrapped up a tennis match with my 13 year old daughter and it was lovely. I have no regrets about getting pregnant at 27. I ended up only having three kids, but starting when I did meant I had the option to space out for four before maternal age 35 without stressing.

Like a lot of previous posters, at 27 we both had graduate degrees, stable jobs, and had been married a couple years at that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had 4 by age 30. Sure it was hectic back then but now They are all in/graduated from college and I am 48. Many of my coworkers my age or older aren't even close to having kids in college. I can't imagine that. Start now!

I'm very similar. My 4th child was born 2 weeks before my 31st birthday. I'm now 44 and in the fall I will have two kids in college and two in high school. I feel it would be tough to have toddlers/preschoolers or even younger elementary age kids right now.

[Anonymous]

DH and I had our first child in our early 40s because that's how life worked out for us and three years in, so far so good. Neither of us feels too tired, old, etc. (in fact we're both in better shape than ever what with all the running around). We are well-settled in our careers and have the luxury of flexible hours at decent salaries in stable jobs, have savings built up, and can afford good childcare in a way we couldn't have 15 years earlier, and in the notoriously family-unfriendly environment we have in this country I value all that quite a bit. I also feel mentally I am in a better state and more "ready" to have a child than I was in my 20s or even 30s. It's a never-ending grind in a lot of ways but I'm old enough to appreciate that the early years will go by really fast and it isn't going to last forever which helps me laugh about it and relax and enjoy the toddler years a lot more than I think I would've done earlier in life. That said, of course we're all supposed to be having kids a lot earlier from a health perspective. Late teens to mid-30s is ideal, especially if you're financially in good shape. I would never advocate anyone wait til their 40s to have kids if they didn't have to, even though it's working out fine for us.

As for your friends, while we're on the other end from where you are in that all my peers already had their kids and are starting to see them off to high school and college, I have gathered another group of friends with little kids. We range in age from late 20s to, well, me, and all have a great time together. So point being even though you'd be the first among your friend group to have a baby if you do right now, you'll find your baby-friend group.

However OP, the fact you say your DH is the one suggesting this just makes me wonder, do you really want to have kids right now yourself? At 26 you really do have plenty of time. And you're the one who's going to be giving your body over to pregnancy and childbirth and bearing the brunt of the strain on your personal and professional time that come with having a kid, because the woman just does. I just think if you were really ready, you probably wouldn't be here asking advice, and I think you should listen to that inner voice. Remember: men never have trouble telling women they aren't ready to have kids, and that's a good thing. If you aren't ready yet, don't get pushed into it. You don't owe him a baby any more than you owe your friends your child-free social time. It's your life and you have the right to live it your way.

[Anonymous]

You will never feel like you traveled or partied "enough" before kids, so I don't think a few more years matter. The one thing you might miss out on is some weddings if a lot of your friends get married out-of-town in the next couple years, so that would kind of suck.

Also, you might decide you want lots of kids! So starting at 27 would be great for that reason.

[Anonymous]

I was your age when I had my oldest, who is now 8. No regrets. I think we have more fun now (we weren’t really the traveling or going out on the weekends types before). I did have to grow up a little while parenting, but waiting wouldn’t have changed that and it was good for me. We were financially stable before having kids, which did help.

Most of my friends had kids in their mid-late twenties. Probably helped me feel normal, and I know no one who regrets it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my first at 27. The pros for me were no fertility issues, plenty of time to space out another child, and getting through the baby/toddler years while we were young. There are cons, too, most notably my career. It's really hard to build a career with an infant/toddler at an age when most people don't have kids. It took me a long time in my thirties to catch up with my peers and in my late thirties I struggled with feeling inferior. We also had less money because I made less. The very young baby years are wonderful but also kind of miserable, and it might have been nice to have old friends who were also going through the same thing -- mine were still mostly single and didn't get it, at all.

It's nice now that we're in our 40s/50s and our kids are older and will be leaving for college soon.

So anyway, pluses and minuses. I'd probably delay a couple years if I were doing it over, but there were good things about it.

I had such similar experience too. I had my kids at 28-31-34 (surprise) and what suffered the most was my career. I was doing and finished a PhD and I am just behind my peers my youngest is 15 months and I just turned 36. Thankfully my DH is a little older and makes good money, but I just feel a little inferior to my friends that are mostly still childless

[Anonymous]

I had my first at 34 and I am glad that I waited. I was definitely much more financially secure at 34 than I was at 28. I owned a home, had a nice nest egg saved and I was able to SAH with our kids which I am grateful for her.

[Anonymous]

OP ~ do not risk karma. You are over thinking. Too much emphasis on skewing things to your advantage, maximizing all decisions will not turn out well. First rule of parenting: you take what the god lord gives you, and you are grateful.