If you had a baby in your late twenties

[Anonymous]

My SIL is 25 and they have a 1yo. They have been on 2 transcontinental trips and to Brazil since my nephew was born. She has had good luck with breastfeeding and she is young and healthy enough that she bounced back physically pretty quickly in terms of energy level and being able to be active. I am a decade older and most of my peers who are just now having kids are exhausted and can’t lose the baby weight without a lot of effort. The handful of friends my age who had their kids 10 years ago had a similar experience to SIL—they had the energy to just drag the baby along with them and do what they wanted in life, and I envy the fact that they will be in their early or mid 40’s when they have empty nests and can enjoy life a lot more. I have friends who are 40 and have a college freshman and friends who are 40 and have preschoolers. If I had met my husband earlier I definitely would have had kids earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who have babies +40 are gross and selfish.

I've actually met some really great older parents over the years. They are mature, responsible and very involved with their kids.

I know that I was much better parent having kids in my mid 30's than I would have been in my early or mid 20's. Late 20's would have been fine from a responsibility standpoint but I wasn't quite ready financially. I'm glad I waited.

People who have babies before 24 are gross and selfish

My siblings and DH's siblings all had kids by 24. Every single relationship imploded and it's pretty obvious they all wish they'd rather not have kids. DH and I are the oldest, and we got married at 23 and just waited forever to have kids. It was strange watching our younger siblings get married, have (unplanned) children, and divorce long before we even considered having a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who have babies +40 are gross and selfish.

X1000000

[Anonymous]

My mom had her kids at 27, 29, 30. She and my dad had been married since they were 21, so they waited 6 years, a fairly long time.

I had my kids at 41 and 43. It was perfect for me. Her timing was perfect for her. We are all on our own schedule.

[Anonymous]

I had my kids at 20 and 23 years old. I finished my undergrad in 3 years just after my first daughter was born. I finished my masters just after my second daughter was born. They are both out of college now, our house is paid off, and every summer (except for this one), my husband and I travel for at least a month. It might not work for everyone, but it worked for us. Yes, I got married when I was 19, but sometimes you just know. My husband and I went to school together from kindergarten through high school. He's literally the best person I know. We have a great life and will retire at 55.

[Anonymous]

Nope. I had my oldest at 29 and if anything I wish I would’ve had him at 26 or 27. But I wasn’t married until a few weeks before my 27th so that wouldn’t have worked too well. If you are financially stable and have a good marriage, you lose absolutely nothing by going for it IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my kids at 20 and 23 years old. I finished my undergrad in 3 years just after my first daughter was born. I finished my masters just after my second daughter was born. They are both out of college now, our house is paid off, and every summer (except for this one), my husband and I travel for at least a month. It might not work for everyone, but it worked for us. Yes, I got married when I was 19, but sometimes you just know. My husband and I went to school together from kindergarten through high school. He's literally the best person I know. We have a great life and will retire at 55.

That sound ideal. You got very lucky!

[Anonymous]

I didn’t have kids until I was 35, and I am so happy we waited. I feel like I got to do everything I wanted on my bucket list of being a young professional, my DH and I got to do lots of things that are impossible to do in the same carefree way once you have kids (travel, friends, experiences, figuring out our relationship during hard times). We also got to save up funds for a down payment, pay down student loans, etc.

From a practical point, I had the ability to lean in to my career for many years before I scaled back with my first baby, which allowed me to get multiple promotions working hours and traveling more than I ever could have with kids. Once I had a baby, I was definitely mommy tracked at my employer as I wanted to work a normal 40 hr workweek and reduce travel. I switched to another employer once I was done having babies and am now moving up again, although not travel or working insane hours any more.

We were very lucky that I was able to get pregnant easily, and we have 3 amazing DCs. I’m not saying you should wait until you are 35 to have kids, but if you want to wait a bit, wait. Enjoy being young and with someone you love - your relationship does change (not worse, just different) when you have kids, and so do the things you spend time and money on. I feel so grateful to have had the time in the 20s for myself, my early 30s for my relationship, and my mid and late 30s for my kids.

[Anonymous]

I would have regretted it because I really enjoyed traveling with DH during ages 26-30 before getting pregnant. However, as you noted, travel isn’t going to be fun for the next few years, so may as well get the baby years over with and defer travel. For instance, we have a toddler now and we weren’t planning to go anywhere this summer other than visit family (which we still may do) so Covid hasn’t affected us negatively travel-wise. We plan to do a lot of traveling again once kids reach upper elementary and stop being so needy

[Anonymous]

I had mine at 35 and 38. The great part about being older was that we had more money, and we got hand me downs from friends. The rough part was a miscarriage. We didn’t meet until I was 32, so we didn’t really have a choice.

I would personally wait until we are closer to a COVID vaccine. In some places they aren’t letting spouses be in the room. I had to labor alone for about four hours with my first because DH was VERY sick, and just collapsed in bed. It was miserable. If you were short on time, I might risk it, but not so young. Don’t wait for the vaccine, but I would wait to see how next winter goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who have babies +40 are gross and selfish.

I've actually met some really great older parents over the years. They are mature, responsible and very involved with their kids.

I know that I was much better parent having kids in my mid 30's than I would have been in my early or mid 20's. Late 20's would have been fine from a responsibility standpoint but I wasn't quite ready financially. I'm glad I waited.

People who have babies before 24 are gross and selfish

I think it depends on the person. Parenthood is a huge responsibility and a very big step that some appear to be ready for at an earlier age than I was. I know that having a baby at 24 would have been a pretty huge disaster for me. The guy I was with at the time (shudder) - fun to date, but to raise a child with him? Oh, God no that would have been bad.

[Anonymous]

Totally do it. I had my first at 26. Had three by 32. In between had lots of professional success, wrote a book, global travel, happy marriage, etc. Motherhood helps you get your a game on. I see my friends starting at 35 and wince - only because I know all the sleepless nights etc that lie ahead. My third pregnancy and labor was SO MUCH harder and each time I bounced back less easily. Our bodies were made to have babies in our 20s and now we have the education and skills to do so in a way that doesn't sideline us from society. If you're even open to it you should do it. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Had my first at 28. Wish I’d started a few years earlier if anything, as I had secondary infertility and multiple miscarriages and now am not sure I’ll be able to have as many children as I want. Very glad I didn’t wait until after 30 like I’d originally planned.

[Anonymous]

My best friend in the whole world had her first at 27 and her second at 33. I had my first at 36 and my second at 40. We've never felt out of step even though we've led very different lives in many ways. She's a kindergarten teacher and I'm a professional in a "big" job with way too much travel. None of this has ever been an issue. Her kids dote on mine and mine idolize hers. It's all good. Count your lucky stars.

[Anonymous]

I got pregnant in my 20s but terminated. Then I had my 3 kids when i was actually ready at 39, 42, 45.