If you had a baby in your late twenties

[Anonymous]

I think there are different approaches to raising kids. I don’t want mine to leave. I am enjoying being a mom and raising them. I love this phase of life and don’t mind it being a long one. I had my kids at 29, 35, and 39. I would have had them closer together but infertility sucks. My parents had us at 22, 32, and 37. They were much better parents to my younger siblings, and I was raised by the grandparents and felt abandoned a lot.

[Anonymous]

I had mine at a few weeks before turning 29 and I thought it was perfect. Young enough to still have plenty of energy, but not too young in the sense that I was established in my career and felt like it was pretty easy to jump back in. Also young enough that I’ll only be 47 by the time my kid graduates from high school...prime years for earning and really ramping things up career wise.

[Anonymous]

Start early. It’s easier.

[Anonymous]

I was 28 and 31 when I had my kids.

Heck no, I'm glad that I am in my early 40s with tweens. I understand that everyone has a different path, but I personally would not want to be dealing with tiny babies or toddlers right now. By the time I hit my late 20s I was bored with bar hopping and all that - it was a good time to buy a house, get married, have kids - if I had waited, I could travel more, but I am traveling with my kids easily now that they are the ages they are (well before COVID) so that isn't a reason to wait to have kids.

The career part - well - honestly being younger made it easier to take time off being a stay at home mom, and I went back to work in my mid 30s before anyone thought I was too old to return. Am happy where I am at in my career. I did wait to stay home until I had my second child, so I wasn't off for too long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s the perfect time. It only seems young in this unusual area. Go for it. You will have less trouble getting pregnant, more energy, and you will have more of your youth left by the time the kids are grown. I had mine at 29 and 32.

I agree with this. My married niece had her first at 24. I thought she was crazy. But, she will be young and have lots of energy to travel later. Grandparents are younger and can help out more. I had my kids after 40. Grandparents are to old (or no longer here) to help. By the time my last kid graduates high school I’ll be in my sixties! We are just gonna suck it up and travel with the toddler, but I’d prefer not to, but it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

If you have the means I say go for it. DH and I started trying when I was 28 and had loss after loss. We had no trouble getting pregnant but could not stay pregnant without lots of treatment. I ended up finally being able to carry to term when I was 31, gave birth at 32. There were way for me to know this would be the case for me when we started trying. Then, I had 3 kids in 3.5 years, which I do NOT recommend. Totally wrecked my body. If you start now you can also pick the spacing a bit better and make sure you are in good shape physically before getting pregnant again.

You will make more friends once your kids are in preschool or elementary. We have family who had kids before us and friends who had kids later than us and it's worked out fine. My niece and nephew who are 6-4 years older love to play with their cousins and they get along great. I think I'm right in the avg age when most people in this area have their first so I have no regrets at all, I'm just happy to be a mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my kids at 20 and 23 years old. I finished my undergrad in 3 years just after my first daughter was born. I finished my masters just after my second daughter was born. They are both out of college now, our house is paid off, and every summer (except for this one), my husband and I travel for at least a month. It might not work for everyone, but it worked for us. Yes, I got married when I was 19, but sometimes you just know. My husband and I went to school together from kindergarten through high school. He's literally the best person I know. We have a great life and will retire at 55.

I agree with you. I hate the generalization that people have about both young and older mothers. My husband and I married when I was 18. We knew from the beginning we would have to be smart and make good lifestyle and financial choices. We both finished our degrees early on, got great jobs, and live a very comfortable life here in Arlington that will only continue on an upward trajectory. We never once had outside help or used a family babysitter. We prioritized her early education and she is doing very well in school. I will be 37 when my daughter graduates high school and I am looking forward to having more time to travel with my husband alone. While I definitely do not believe it is for everyone, I do not think we should go around bashing older or younger moms. It’s so petty and weird honestly. I personally am glad with our timeline and would not change anything. I do not feel I have missed out on anything in life. In fact, I feel that we are so lucky to have been able to see each other grow from basically children, to young adults, to the more wise older adults we are today. 85% of the time young motherhood is extremely difficult and maybe not the best choice, but calling these women selfish is unnecessary and unhelpful. I have known many young mothers who go on to lead amazing lives. Heck, even my own parents were extremely young parents and both my mother and father hold senior positions in their government jobs. I personally would not want to be chasing children or changing diapers at 35. But that’s okay because the majority of people on here would not want anything to do with babies or diapers at the age of 19 either. Haha

[Anonymous]

I had my kids at 28 and 31 and think it’s a great time to start. It worked out well for me career-wise (I mommy-tracked somewhat, but was well positioned to move into a leadership position in my late 30s when kids were more independent). It’s been a fun ride and I’m glad I’ll have them in my life a long time, and that I’ll still be relatively young and healthy when they leave the house. Socially, it can be a little hard to be the only ones with kids, but that’s temporary (we have many friends now with similar ages kids). Money can also be a struggle. The early years were tough when we were relatively early in our careers and had daycare expenses. Overall, I wouldn’t change a thing and definitely wouldn’t want them any later.

[Anonymous]

Why are you all so tired? I had my 3 kids in my forties and they energized me so much. I never sat down, we walked everywhere and I was in the best shape of my life.

[Anonymous]

I had my kids at 37, 41 and 44. I couldn't have them earlier because I did not meet a man who wanted to marry and have children until then. I love my kids but if I could have my way, I would have them earlier. Much earlier. I will advise my daughter against waiting. It's good to be done with baby-making when you're younger, it's good to be around for more of your children's lives, it's good to give your children time with grandparents and yourself, grand-parenting time. It's easier on the body. Yes we have more money but honestly, the kids would have been fine sharing rooms. It is what it is. Part of the problem is that many eligible men do not feel like marrying until late thirties too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all so tired? I had my 3 kids in my forties and they energized me so much. I never sat down, we walked everywhere and I was in the best shape of my life.

What happened in your thirties and twenties that you were in worse shape compared to your forties?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all so tired? I had my 3 kids in my forties and they energized me so much. I never sat down, we walked everywhere and I was in the best shape of my life.

Human beings are more physically fit when they’re younger. It’s a fact of life. If you’re more fit in your 40’s than your 20’s you must have really treated your body terribly in your younger days. Most people don’t fit that profile.

Do you think you’re going to have more energy when you’re in your 50’s and 60’s than you do now in your 40’s? Honest question because that’s what you’re implying...

[Anonymous]

I had my kids very late and like you I focused only on the first baby and that change in my life even though I knew I wanted to have at least two. OP also do calculations to think about how old you want to be when you are finished having them all and think hard about how many you'll want. I think most people fail to think about kid no 2 3 4. That was my big mistake.

Unless you know you only want one and unless you have already had fertility testing and know you don't have any issues you might want to start now. Before I pulled the trigger I read a lot of books on the topic. If you are a reader take a look at the books Maybe Baby and Waiting for Daisy. If you look up these two on Amazon you will pull up a whole genre of books that helps you think through the issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all so tired? I had my 3 kids in my forties and they energized me so much. I never sat down, we walked everywhere and I was in the best shape of my life.

How old are your kids now?

[Anonymous]

I had mine at 26, 28, 33. I wish I would have waited until 30 to start.

Once you have kids, everything is harder. It is harder to learn new skills, pick up a new hobby, travel, read a book...especially if you have kids close together. At 26 I was just getting in the groove of my career, being financially stable, and being a supportive spouse. Once you have children, any self enrichment is HARD to fit in for those early yrs.