If you had a baby in your late twenties

[Anonymous]

24 and 26. It was a while ago. When younger was in school, I started a PhD. Starting mid forties kids were gone, and we traveled a huge amount - so grateful for that now.

Kids waited to have their own kids, so I'm glad I have a good chance of seeing them grow up.

There were downsides. We didn't have much money back then. I certainly could have used more child-rearing wisdom - I think that's the biggest downside.

Oh, and labors were short and baby weight came right off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I had our first child in our early 40s because that's how life worked out for us and three years in, so far so good. Neither of us feels too tired, old, etc. (in fact we're both in better shape than ever what with all the running around). We are well-settled in our careers and have the luxury of flexible hours at decent salaries in stable jobs, have savings built up, and can afford good childcare in a way we couldn't have 15 years earlier, and in the notoriously family-unfriendly environment we have in this country I value all that quite a bit. I also feel mentally I am in a better state and more "ready" to have a child than I was in my 20s or even 30s. It's a never-ending grind in a lot of ways but I'm old enough to appreciate that the early years will go by really fast and it isn't going to last forever which helps me laugh about it and relax and enjoy the toddler years a lot more than I think I would've done earlier in life. That said, of course we're all supposed to be having kids a lot earlier from a health perspective. Late teens to mid-30s is ideal, especially if you're financially in good shape. I would never advocate anyone wait til their 40s to have kids if they didn't have to, even though it's working out fine for us.

As for your friends, while we're on the other end from where you are in that all my peers already had their kids and are starting to see them off to high school and college, I have gathered another group of friends with little kids. We range in age from late 20s to, well, me, and all have a great time together. So point being even though you'd be the first among your friend group to have a baby if you do right now, you'll find your baby-friend group.

However OP, the fact you say your DH is the one suggesting this just makes me wonder, do you really want to have kids right now yourself? At 26 you really do have plenty of time. And you're the one who's going to be giving your body over to pregnancy and childbirth and bearing the brunt of the strain on your personal and professional time that come with having a kid, because the woman just does. I just think if you were really ready, you probably wouldn't be here asking advice, and I think you should listen to that inner voice. Remember: men never have trouble telling women they aren't ready to have kids, and that's a good thing. If you aren't ready yet, don't get pushed into it. You don't owe him a baby any more than you owe your friends your child-free social time. It's your life and you have the right to live it your way.

+1 I wish nature agreed with, uh, the organization of life. People are most fertile at 16-24.

[Anonymous]

Nope.

[Anonymous]

No one I know that had their kids young while their lives were stable has ever regretted it. The ones who waited for whatever reason are those more likely to feel that way.

[Anonymous]

Started trying for a baby when I had just turned 27 and DH was 34. It actually took me much longer than I anticipated to get pregnant - about a year. Had my first a few months shy of my 29th bday. Now pregnant with #2 at 31. I don't really have any regrets - I felt ready, and I think my body bounced back after #1 faster than I've heard some older moms bounce back. And even though I'm already very established in my career, I'm really looking towards being able to advance further in my 30s without worrying about taking time off for maternity leave. And also happy I'll still be young enough to travel and enjoy life after the kids leave in my 50s.

The main downside has been the social aspects. None of my friends here in DC were having kids when I did - literally zero. Hardly any were even married yet. We still hang out (or at least we did, pre-COVID) because we all make the effort to do it, but I miss out on a LOT of stuff that they do together because I can't go for impromptu brunches, happy hours, etc., and my life looks a lot different than theirs so it's not always easy to find common ground. I've tried making some mom friends, but that is hard too since most moms in the area are 7-12 years older than me; for instance, I didn't feel like I clicked with anyone in the new moms group that I attended after my first. It's not terrible - like I said, I still have my old friends, and I've met some families that I'm friendly with through activities my kid does - but I would have loved it if my friends and I all were going through a similar stage of life at the same time.

[Anonymous]

You will likely be the only one of your friends for a long time. It's hard to be the first. Some people without kids can understand how hard it is, and will make the effort to remain friends despite your new priorities.

Others will miss you but get mad that you're "dropping them" even when you feel like you're moving mountains to still see them.

You'll also miss out on a lot of group things that your friends will continue to do. Would that make you sad?

I started at 34 and wish I'd had my first in my late 20s. But I didn't meet my DH until I was 31 so...

[Anonymous]

Go for it! I had my first at 30, second at 33, and am now expecting my third at 36. Husband is 45. We both wish we had kids earlier. But, we didn’t meet each other earlier nor were we settled due to long professional training associated with our careers. I wish someone had told me how great kids were, and how much easier things get once they are 3+. Be prepared financially to pay for Childcare and be prepared for the impact to your career (while your partner may not have any impact). You don’t stop having adventures like international travel just because you have kids. You may do it slightly differently than childless couples.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t set your normal based on the “old mom” culture here.

most 20 something bodies, sperm, and eggs are better than most late 30s/early 40s bodies, sperm and egg. This really is one of those times when the window closes. Unless you want a science project baby that costs $100k.

You are married, educated, financially stable. Go for it.

[Anonymous]

Had my kids at ages 29 and 31. If I could go back, I would actually have wanted to start having kids a few years earlier than we did. My husband and I have been together since we were 19, we both finished grad school and started careers in our early- mid 20s, and we have always been big about saving money/were financially stable by mid 20s too, traveled together a lot before kids. The only thing I didn’t like about having kids relatively young was/is that a lot of our friends didn’t have kids yet so it was/is harder to maintain some of those friendships when you’re at a different stage of life and it would’ve been fun to have more peers to raise kids with.

I think the main reasons i liked having them young and would have liked having them even younger is that they are able to spend more time w their grandparents and hopefully I too will have more of a chance to spend time w potential future grandchildren. Of course nothing like that is guaranteed but seeing my kids w my own grandmother (their great grandmother) and w my parents and husbands parents is priceless.

[Anonymous]

People who have babies +40 are gross and selfish.

[Anonymous]

27 is not young for starting family. I was 39 when I had my first child. I should have had it much sooner- dumb me. Please do not delay- if you want to have kids.

[Anonymous]

I'm 35 with three children (plus one miscarriage) and we plan to try for another in two months. We got married at 27 and waited one year to try, so I had my first at 29, which I don't consider early at all. I don't regret it at all; I'm grateful that I made different life choices than my parents, who had me at 38 and 39 and are now in their mid-70s, whereas my husband's parents had him in their early 20s and his mom turns 60 this year. All other things being equal (which I know isn't reality), his parents will have 15 more years with our kids than mine do. That makes me sad, because I love all of them.

Having kids "early" hasn't stopped us. We travel more than almost anyone I know, including around the world, but we also are in a very solid financial position.

I would never put career and other factors before getting married and having children, and feel sorry for my girlfriends who have done so. I went to a top-3 law school but am also an evangelical Christian so I have quite a mix of friends who've made varying life choices and have seen all sorts of situations.

[Anonymous]

Had our oldest DS when I had just turned 27. We’d been married 15 months. We didn’t want to wait because my DH is 8 years older than I am and he didn’t want to be much older when we had kids. Zero regrets. I’m almost 44 with an almost 17yo and 13yo.

[Anonymous]

Never regretted it. Best decison eve. Was 24 and 26 when I had my kids. At 44 my kids are 20 abr 18. Its amazing. I feel so bad for my peers who have toddlers.

[Anonymous]

I had my first at 30 - BUT it took us that long to be established professionally. DH was getting a PhD through most of our 20’s so we relocated at 28, bought our house at 29 and had our first baby at 30. We had known each other since college and if we had the jobs/house earlier there really wouldn’t have been much difference if we’d had the first baby a few years earlier (we got married at 26.)

Go for it!