Beyond tacky “shower” invite

[Anonymous]

My friend sent me an image of her “mail-in” “shower” invite asking me if it’s tacky and it’s so tacky it’s cringeworthy.

“We would love to celebrate with our close family and friends, however times are difficult to gather, so we invite you to mail your gift or card so baby can feel your love near and far.” Tacky tacky tacky, but it gets worse:

“Please mail gift by June 4th.”

I’m a little horrified, but chose to ignore the first part and just gently addressed the deadline bit...she responded “I wanted to have a deadline so I can get what I still need before she’s born.” I do understand where she’s coming from and feel for her that she can’t have a real shower, but there are much better ways to do these things.

I haven’t responded yet because I don’t even know what to say.

[Anonymous]

This is so outrageous that I pray you're trolling, because I'd frankly rather continue to assume that there aren't people so obnoxious living in the world with us.

However, on the chance that this is real, you need to drop her as a friend. Honestly.

[Anonymous]

You are such drama.

[Anonymous]

OP, please try hard to save your misguided friend from embarrassing herself.

I would not respond well to such an invitation

[Anonymous]

Is she the pregnant person? If so, then no, she can't send that out. If she's a bff, she could perhaps host a "Zoom" shower, give out a date and time, and say that the mom-to-be will open gifts that she has during the zoom session. And to do this , I would assume it would go out only to the closest friends and relatives. This is not for wide distribution.

[Anonymous]

I know someone who did exactly this. Just not during a pandemic. It was so cringe-y.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so outrageous that I pray you're trolling, because I'd frankly rather continue to assume that there aren't people so obnoxious living in the world with us.

However, on the chance that this is real, you need to drop her as a friend. Honestly.

I PROMISE I’m not trolling. I kind of want to upload the image to prove it. I wouldn’t say she’s normally someone particularly concerned with etiquette but I’m very surprised by this honestly. I’m chalking it up to stress of being pregnant during these times.

[Anonymous]

You say there are better ways to do this... well, start by suggesting one!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she the pregnant person? If so, then no, she can't send that out. If she's a bff, she could perhaps host a "Zoom" shower, give out a date and time, and say that the mom-to-be will open gifts that she has during the zoom session. And to do this , I would assume it would go out only to the closest friends and relatives. This is not for wide distribution.

She’s the pregnant person, but it’s unclear to me if she made this invite thing or the her friend who was planning to host the real shower did. I think it was my friend though.

I don’t want her to embarrass herself, but she didn’t seem super open to feedback...

[Anonymous]

Did she actually ask you if it was tacky? If so, and if you are a close friend, give it to her straight. Just say “yes, I do think that’s pretty tacky.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You say there are better ways to do this... well, start by suggesting one!

I don’t want to hurt her feelings. Any suggestions about what to say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so outrageous that I pray you're trolling, because I'd frankly rather continue to assume that there aren't people so obnoxious living in the world with us.

However, on the chance that this is real, you need to drop her as a friend. Honestly.

I PROMISE I’m not trolling. I kind of want to upload the image to prove it. I wouldn’t say she’s normally someone particularly concerned with etiquette but I’m very surprised by this honestly. I’m chalking it up to stress of being pregnant during these times.

If I received that "invitation", I would promptly drop her as a friend. And if I knew that you had something to do with it, it would make me reconsider my friendship with you too.

Is this friend into MLM by any chance?

[Anonymous]

Ok, I'm obviously "tacky" too because I don't see this as a big deal. If the friend is doing this in lieu of a baby shower where you would be buying stuff for the baby anyhow, how is this any different? I'm assuming they are also social distancing so they can't have people together for a baby shower, so this is the next best thing, right? Or are you saying the gift card is tacky?

[Anonymous]

I would flat out tell my friend they couldn’t do that. I would encourage her to create a registry and I would offer to informally spread the word if it was appropriate in conversation. If someone was already planning to host a shower, that person might want to send a note that the plans are canceled but she is hoping to instead host a sip and see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I'm obviously "tacky" too because I don't see this as a big deal. If the friend is doing this in lieu of a baby shower where you would be buying stuff for the baby anyhow, how is this any different? I'm assuming they are also social distancing so they can't have people together for a baby shower, so this is the next best thing, right? Or are you saying the gift card is tacky?

The person sending the email is the pregnant lady. It would be like hosting your own shower.