Beyond tacky “shower” invite

[Anonymous]

Yep, as others have said, she should plan a Zoom shower and set up a registry. Schedule the shower for June 4.

[Anonymous]

No need to attend. You can send some cash if you want.

[Anonymous]

Normally someone else hosts? Can you or another friend save her the embarrassment by hosting a virtual shower for her?

[Anonymous]

I participate in another online group for people who are due the same month as me (July). This group is FULL of people doing something similar. A virtual/zoom showers seem to be the most reasonable of these. Other variants include:

1) mail-in shower similar to the one OP sent,
2) Invitation to an TBD sip 'n see after covid ends but with link to registry and an appeal to "support the couple in this trying time."
3) Driveway showers, where the mom-to-be will sit in their driveway during a specified time and guests are given time slots to come by with their gift and talk from a distance.

I get it I am sad I wont be able to celebrate the arrival of my baby with friends but all of those seem way less enjoyable than an in-person party. I will be very grateful if anyone buys me a present but have no illusions that it will be on people's radar and am aware some have lost their job/income or are otherwise stressed by family responsibilities related to covid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know someone who did exactly this. Just not during a pandemic. It was so cringe-y.

Yes it’s cringe worthy but I am sure people attended that shower and brought gifts so even if Ops friend sends out the invite, people will talk about her tackiness behind her back but still attend and send gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ummm, this is awful and in such poor taste. She must know this and if not you must tell her she cannot do this! If you’re relying on gifts to have what you need then you’re not ready to be a parent. Get what you need@
- and anything else you get is gravy.

Since when do people buy only "nice to haves" for baby showers? Is this a rich person thing?

What happened to baby registries where people put in all kinds of stuff from diaper genies to bouncy chairs or whatever? Are those things considered "gravy"? Those were must haves, IMO.

DCUM skews towards people with higher education and income. Most ppl having kids are much younger and less financially secure (ready or not to be parents) and they are counting on shower gifts. Based on my experience with the sales person at BuyBuyBaby when I set up my registry back in Feb. bouncy chairs and diaper genies are what you put on the list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I participate in another online group for people who are due the same month as me (July). This group is FULL of people doing something similar. A virtual/zoom showers seem to be the most reasonable of these. Other variants include:

1) mail-in shower similar to the one OP sent,
2) Invitation to an TBD sip 'n see after covid ends but with link to registry and an appeal to "support the couple in this trying time."
3) Driveway showers, where the mom-to-be will sit in their driveway during a specified time and guests are given time slots to come by with their gift and talk from a distance.

I get it I am sad I wont be able to celebrate the arrival of my baby with friends but all of those seem way less enjoyable than an in-person party. I will be very grateful if anyone buys me a present but have no illusions that it will be on people's radar and am aware some have lost their job/income or are otherwise stressed by family responsibilities related to covid.

What is the story with this, do people rely on the showers to be able to afford the stuff they need?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) suggest a Zoom shower
2) suggest reminding people of her due date in lieu of a deadline
3) offer to send this for her. A woman who is considering hosting her own shower is one who didn’t have a friend step up. Which is sad really.

+1 Your friend obviously trusts you enough to ask for your feedback. I would offer to organize a virtual shower for her and send out the invite (good time to change the wording too). A virtual shower is not too difficult, it will most likely take an hour to organize and an our or two to host (and you don’t have to spend any money). Just keep the group small, any gathering over 8 people gets unwieldy and people just end up watching and not participating.

[Anonymous]

My feeling about this is that we should still try to make an effort for the special times in the lives of people we care about, pandemic or not. If she would have had a shower in normal times, offer her some polite suggestions on how to tactfully replace the shower instead of judging her.

I am seeing so many posts making fun of or judging people who still want to be able to celebrate marriages and babies like they would regularly, and it makes me sad to think that people don’t care enough about their loved ones to step it up and let the usual “etiquette” relax a little. It’s like they’ve had theirs so they don’t care if others get to do the same.

[Anonymous]

PP mentioning the education and income skew on DCUM is spot on. I’ve received a similar invitation (with a virtual
shower and a deadline lol) and I do think it has to do with income. Many people need help with baby stuff. (To me, that’s a good reason to not have a baby just yet or scale down your expectations, but I digress.)

Even if that’s not the issue, I get it. I’m a FTM whose showe has been cancelled and while we can afford what we need, it makes me sad to know I won’t get to participate in the community aspect of a shower. I would also love to be able to say, Aunt so and so bought you that blanket.

Several folks have asked for our registry but only 2 have made purchases for our June baby. I think if there’s no shower, most people opt out on giving a gift. Such is life.

[Anonymous]

I understand a virtual baby shower, but it sounds like the momma to be is requesting gifts...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP mentioning the education and income skew on DCUM is spot on. I’ve received a similar invitation (with a virtual
shower and a deadline lol) and I do think it has to do with income. Many people need help with baby stuff. (To me, that’s a good reason to not have a baby just yet or scale down your expectations, but I digress.)

Even if that’s not the issue, I get it. I’m a FTM whose showe has been cancelled and while we can afford what we need, it makes me sad to know I won’t get to participate in the community aspect of a shower. I would also love to be able to say, Aunt so and so bought you that blanket.

Several folks have asked for our registry but only 2 have made purchases for our June baby. I think if there’s no shower, most people opt out on giving a gift. Such is life.

I think without a shower, there isn't a date in mind to send a gift by. Depending on the demographics of your guests, unless they're recent parents or recent grandparents, they don't have a concept of preparing for a baby. That babies don't show up on the day that they're due, so a lot of people set up the bassinet or crib a couple weeks early, and install the car seat base a month before just in case, and want to get the house in some semblance of organized so they're not scrambling to get things together while tending to a newborn. Unfortunately, without a shower, I imagine people won't think to send gifts until you make a birth announcement.

[Anonymous]

I’m pregnant and was suppose to have a shower next week. Obviously not happening so my husband and I are buying everything ourselves. We have a registry but it only has clothes and other smaller items that aren’t super essential. If someone asks, we give them the link. I wish I could have a baby shower but that’s the least of the concerns now with covid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know someone who did exactly this. Just not during a pandemic. It was so cringe-y.

Yes it’s cringe worthy but I am sure people attended that shower and brought gifts so even if Ops friend sends out the invite, people will talk about her tackiness behind her back but still attend and send gifts.

There was no shower. It was literally a “shower by mail.”

[Anonymous]

Would I do this? No. Would I go to a message board to call my friend tacky? Also no. I seriously don’t get the point of these threads.