Beyond tacky “shower” invite

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she the pregnant person? If so, then no, she can't send that out. If she's a bff, she could perhaps host a "Zoom" shower, give out a date and time, and say that the mom-to-be will open gifts that she has during the zoom session. And to do this , I would assume it would go out only to the closest friends and relatives. This is not for wide distribution.

If no one else is giving you a shower it is perfectly fine to still have a baby shower! If no one gives you a birthday party you can't celebrate your birthday either? These rules are ridiculous! Where did they come from? Emily Post?

Actually the Emily Post Institute (Emily post is long dead) have a pretty modern, broad view compared to the ppl on this board. They acknowledge that self or immediate family-hosted showers are traditionally frowned upon but that in modern society there are many reasons why a person might have one.

"Today it is appropriate for anyone to host a baby shower as long as there’s a legitimate reason. For example, some parents-to-be live far from their hometowns, and their mothers and siblings want to host a shower so that longtime friends can attend."
Link: https://emilypost.com/advice/baby-showers-welcoming-the-new-baby/

PP following up: the key is to acknowledge and sincerely thank to anyone who shows effort or gives a gift in welcoming your baby into the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she the pregnant person? If so, then no, she can't send that out. If she's a bff, she could perhaps host a "Zoom" shower, give out a date and time, and say that the mom-to-be will open gifts that she has during the zoom session. And to do this , I would assume it would go out only to the closest friends and relatives. This is not for wide distribution.

If no one else is giving you a shower it is perfectly fine to still have a baby shower! If no one gives you a birthday party you can't celebrate your birthday either? These rules are ridiculous! Where did they come from? Emily Post?

Actually the Emily Post Institute (Emily post is long dead) have a pretty modern, broad view compared to the ppl on this board. They acknowledge that self or immediate family-hosted showers are traditionally frowned upon but that in modern society there are many reasons why a person might have one.

"Today it is appropriate for anyone to host a baby shower as long as there’s a legitimate reason. For example, some parents-to-be live far from their hometowns, and their mothers and siblings want to host a shower so that longtime friends can attend."
Link: https://emilypost.com/advice/baby-showers-welcoming-the-new-baby/

Are you saying wealthy people don't have baby showers?

I guess Meagan and Harry are "tacky" then since there was no real "legitimate" reason to but their friends threw one for them anyways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she the pregnant person? If so, then no, she can't send that out. If she's a bff, she could perhaps host a "Zoom" shower, give out a date and time, and say that the mom-to-be will open gifts that she has during the zoom session. And to do this , I would assume it would go out only to the closest friends and relatives. This is not for wide distribution.

If no one else is giving you a shower it is perfectly fine to still have a baby shower! If no one gives you a birthday party you can't celebrate your birthday either? These rules are ridiculous! Where did they come from? Emily Post?

Actually the Emily Post Institute (Emily post is long dead) have a pretty modern, broad view compared to the ppl on this board. They acknowledge that self or immediate family-hosted showers are traditionally frowned upon but that in modern society there are many reasons why a person might have one.

"Today it is appropriate for anyone to host a baby shower as long as there’s a legitimate reason. For example, some parents-to-be live far from their hometowns, and their mothers and siblings want to host a shower so that longtime friends can attend."
Link: https://emilypost.com/advice/baby-showers-welcoming-the-new-baby/

Are you saying wealthy people don't have baby showers?

I guess Meagan and Harry are "tacky" then since there was no real "legitimate" reason to but their friends threw one for them anyways.

Oh my goodness. YES they were beyond tacky. Do you remember how much smack people talked about her NY baby shower???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she the pregnant person? If so, then no, she can't send that out. If she's a bff, she could perhaps host a "Zoom" shower, give out a date and time, and say that the mom-to-be will open gifts that she has during the zoom session. And to do this , I would assume it would go out only to the closest friends and relatives. This is not for wide distribution.

If no one else is giving you a shower it is perfectly fine to still have a baby shower! If no one gives you a birthday party you can't celebrate your birthday either? These rules are ridiculous! Where did they come from? Emily Post?

Actually the Emily Post Institute (Emily post is long dead) have a pretty modern, broad view compared to the ppl on this board. They acknowledge that self or immediate family-hosted showers are traditionally frowned upon but that in modern society there are many reasons why a person might have one.

"Today it is appropriate for anyone to host a baby shower as long as there’s a legitimate reason. For example, some parents-to-be live far from their hometowns, and their mothers and siblings want to host a shower so that longtime friends can attend."
Link: https://emilypost.com/advice/baby-showers-welcoming-the-new-baby/

Are you saying wealthy people don't have baby showers?

I guess Meagan and Harry are "tacky" then since there was no real "legitimate" reason to but their friends threw one for them anyways.

I am saying that Emily Post Institute acknowledges that old rules can be set aside if there is a legitimate reason. People here are flaming OP's friend for hosting her own non-traditional shower.

I have no comment on Meagan and Harry except to point out that you wrote "their friends threw one for them," which is not what I was talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it tacky to throw yourself a birthday party, too?

If you expect your guests to buy you presents, then yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend sent me an image of her “mail-in” “shower” invite asking me if it’s tacky and it’s so tacky it’s cringeworthy.

“We would love to celebrate with our close family and friends, however times are difficult to gather, so we invite you to mail your gift or card so baby can feel your love near and far.” Tacky tacky tacky, but it gets worse:

“Please mail gift by June 4th.”

I’m a little horrified, but chose to ignore the first part and just gently addressed the deadline bit...she responded “I wanted to have a deadline so I can get what I still need before she’s born.” I do understand where she’s coming from and feel for her that she can’t have a real shower, but there are much better ways to do these things.

I haven’t responded yet because I don’t even know what to say.

NP. I don't mind being brutally honest so I would say something like

"Dear Phyllis,

The baby cannot feel anyone's love before she is born due to the amniotic sac protecting her from the outside world. If you need items for your baby, I suggest you get them yourself, as asking for stuff via mail is SO TACKY.

Love,

Heather"

[Anonymous]

NP here.

Yes the wording is tacky. I'm with many of the other responses that if she had a zoom (or other online meeting place) shower hosted by a friend then the registery is still ok. I do think asking people to mail in presents by a certain date is a bit tacky, but if you have the party the date is built in.

Personally I'm fine with showers, I had one and I've hosted a sprinkle. I'm a social person I enjoy getting together with friends and family, and I know others do to.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to shred all of them and if she doesn't have a shreader send her some matches to burn them.

[Anonymous]

If she’s your friend, why don’t you offer to host a virtual shower for her instead of being an asshole about it behind her back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend sent me an image of her “mail-in” “shower” invite asking me if it’s tacky and it’s so tacky it’s cringeworthy.

“We would love to celebrate with our close family and friends, however times are difficult to gather, so we invite you to mail your gift or card so baby can feel your love near and far.” Tacky tacky tacky, but it gets worse:

“Please mail gift by June 4th.”

I’m a little horrified, but chose to ignore the first part and just gently addressed the deadline bit...she responded “I wanted to have a deadline so I can get what I still need before she’s born.” I do understand where she’s coming from and feel for her that she can’t have a real shower, but there are much better ways to do these things.

I haven’t responded yet because I don’t even know what to say.

NP. I don't mind being brutally honest so I would say something like

"Dear Phyllis,

The baby cannot feel anyone's love before she is born due to the amniotic sac protecting her from the outside world. If you need items for your baby, I suggest you get them yourself, as asking for stuff via mail is SO TACKY.

Love,

Heather"

This approach would effectively convey your opinion; unlikely to preserve your friendship.

[Anonymous]

I just got one of these in the mail, also with a deadline to purchase a gift (several months in advance of the birth). It doesn't help that the two (!) registries include items like a $200 diaper bag, a $400 highchair, and a $700 stroller. No mention of a zoom video call or anything, which I wouldn't want to participate in anyway (sounds like torture). Literally just a card demanding expensive gifts by a certain date. I am speechless!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just got one of these in the mail, also with a deadline to purchase a gift (several months in advance of the birth). It doesn't help that the two (!) registries include items like a $200 diaper bag, a $400 highchair, and a $700 stroller. No mention of a zoom video call or anything, which I wouldn't want to participate in anyway (sounds like torture). Literally just a card demanding expensive gifts by a certain date. I am speechless!

I'm pregnant and find these to be weird (we're not doing any kind of shower or registry), but I had a big wedding with a registry so I guess who the hell am I to say anything either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just got one of these in the mail, also with a deadline to purchase a gift (several months in advance of the birth). It doesn't help that the two (!) registries include items like a $200 diaper bag, a $400 highchair, and a $700 stroller. No mention of a zoom video call or anything, which I wouldn't want to participate in anyway (sounds like torture). Literally just a card demanding expensive gifts by a certain date. I am speechless!

I'm pregnant and find these to be weird (we're not doing any kind of shower or registry), but I had a big wedding with a registry so I guess who the hell am I to say anything either way.

Yeah, I guess at least your guests got to enjoy your wedding, were fed, etc., whereas here there is no shared experience, just a demand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aside from poor wording choices (e.g. "mail-in shower"), the tackiest aspect of this is that your friend is proposing to host her own shower. If you are close enough with her that she is coming to you for advice, you should offer to host a Zoom shower for her. Then provide her mailing address in the invite and invite friends and family who wish to send gifts for her to open over Zoom to visit her registry at attached link.

This is the solution.

[Anonymous]

why can’t you be a good friend and offer to host her a virtual shower? It’s way less effort than an in person shower. You are being tacky OP.0