Beyond tacky “shower” invite

[Anonymous]

All showers for women over the age of 30 are pretty tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP mentioning the education and income skew on DCUM is spot on. I’ve received a similar invitation (with a virtual
shower and a deadline lol) and I do think it has to do with income. Many people need help with baby stuff. (To me, that’s a good reason to not have a baby just yet or scale down your expectations, but I digress.)

Even if that’s not the issue, I get it. I’m a FTM whose showe has been cancelled and while we can afford what we need, it makes me sad to know I won’t get to participate in the community aspect of a shower. I would also love to be able to say, Aunt so and so bought you that blanket.

Several folks have asked for our registry but only 2 have made purchases for our June baby. I think if there’s no shower, most people opt out on giving a gift. Such is life.

Also the audience for this email is family and friends of the baby who will understand, hopefully not acquaintances and frenemies who will judge.

I sympathize with OPs friend on the timing issue. I am due in 8 weeks. Bc my shower was cancelled I have just left the registry up and told friends who inquire. Meanwhile the companies have sent me my "completion discount" offers. It not about needing people to buy me things, we can afford it; I have this nesting urge and want to buy up all the stuff NOW. Instead im focusing on the nursery and the day 1 items. I was so excited to get 900 pack of Costco brand wipes this week.

[Anonymous]

Ha hahahhahaha love this! So ridiculous! The zoom idea is the only acceptable solution and forces a deadline for sending gifts. Bonus points if it’s capped at 40min - best shower ever!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she the pregnant person? If so, then no, she can't send that out. If she's a bff, she could perhaps host a "Zoom" shower, give out a date and time, and say that the mom-to-be will open gifts that she has during the zoom session. And to do this , I would assume it would go out only to the closest friends and relatives. This is not for wide distribution.

I agree with this. The only way to remove it from not tacky to moderately acceptable is to do it as a zoom shower. That way a deadline makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister almost did something similar but I was able to talk her out of it. She was just trying to do one thing that would make her feel like a normal pregnancy. Shes bummed her husband can't come to appointments. Shes bummed they are no fun shopping trips to buy baby stuff. Shes bummed that family and friends can't celebrate in person. Shes sad that her mom can't come help out after the baby is born.

Deep down she knew her idea was ridiculous but this will be her only baby so she just wasn't thinking straight.

Im finding the lack of shopping trips annoying. There are cribs at Ikea and at Pottery Barn Kids that Wirecutters recommends. Before quarantine I looked at Pottery Barn but didnt get over to Ikea. I also need a nursery chair to sit in bc the only place to sit upstairs is on our bed but Im picky about what I find comfortable. I just want to go to the stores to see things in person but time is getting tight and I soon I will need to pull the trigger!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All showers for women over the age of 30 are pretty tacky.

Hahaha. Ok.

[Anonymous]

Your friend wants a shower and would really rather not host it herself which is why she’s reaching out to you. Is there anyway you could offer to host a zoom shower for her? It will be the least effort/cheapest shower you will ever host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All showers for women over the age of 30 are pretty tacky.

Hahaha. Ok.

Why’s that? By DCUM standards everyone should be wealthy by then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All showers for women over the age of 30 are pretty tacky.

Hahaha. Ok.

Why’s that? By DCUM standards everyone should be wealthy by then?

I am mystified by the DCUM hate for showers - no matter the context of the post when showers come up there are awash in negative comments. I think DCUM forgets that the people invited to a shower are the mom's friends and loved ones, people who are happy to celebrate a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All showers for women over the age of 30 are pretty tacky.

Hahaha. Ok.

Why’s that? By DCUM standards everyone should be wealthy by then?

And have intimidated all of their family and friends away by their wealth and success.

[Anonymous]

I don't get why this is so cringe-worthy?!

I got one like this last week and thought the person was making the best out of a difficult situation.

The sender's basically said "you're invited to a virtual baby shower for ____" it listed how to RSVP and once you did, the host sent the details of where to send the gifts (to her house for cleaning) and details of how we'll log on for the virtual shower. Goodie bags are being sent to everyone who RSVPs, which I thought was a cute touch.

Is it because it is the pregnant woman sending it on her own behalf? I mean, people have enough to deal with these days without putting extra on others plates! Good for her for just taking it by the reigns instead of asking a friend to take it on.

[Anonymous]

It's a great idea to do a Zoom shower.

-don't mention gifts at all
-make it short, maybe 45 minutes.
-you could do a game, like a baby-themed pictionary with a few starbucks gift cards (which can be emailed) for prizes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All showers for women over the age of 30 are pretty tacky.

+1, showers are by nature gift-grabs and they are tacky if you could afford these things yourselves. Wedding or baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why this is so cringe-worthy?!

I got one like this last week and thought the person was making the best out of a difficult situation.

The sender's basically said "you're invited to a virtual baby shower for ____" it listed how to RSVP and once you did, the host sent the details of where to send the gifts (to her house for cleaning) and details of how we'll log on for the virtual shower. Goodie bags are being sent to everyone who RSVPs, which I thought was a cute touch.

Is it because it is the pregnant woman sending it on her own behalf? I mean, people have enough to deal with these days without putting extra on others plates! Good for her for just taking it by the reigns instead of asking a friend to take it on.

Yeah but there’s actually a shower. Even if virtual. Not just a deadline to send a gift.

[Anonymous]

I know this post will run afoul of the people who insist you must be eternally grateful and keep every random thing people bestow on your baby, including lovey #12.

Registries have a practical purpose so people dont end up with too much of the same thing and well-wishers have the chance to get something the family wants/needs. In the absence of a shower/sip 'n see/other party, most people are only sharing the registry with people who ask so FTMs should be prepared for more random gifts than usual. It defin adds an element of surprise which is nice but if you are a planner just be ready for that.