S/O teen pregnancy- would you rather be the parent of the pregnant girl or the baby daddy?

[Anonymous]

DH and I had a debate about this the other day.

We have a girl and a boy.

I said I would rather our daughter be pregnant than our son get a girl pregnant because then I feel like we would have more control over the situation.

He feels the opposite.

What say you?

[Anonymous]

I have a boy and girl and worry way more about my son. I can get my daughter on birth control and demonstrate our values (ie, teens have no business having babies and I would support abortion if that happened). If my son gets a girl pregnant he has no say on abortion (rightly so) and there are no birth control options for him other than condoms.

[Anonymous]

First choice neither.
Second choice girl.
Third choice boy.

I say girl because you have more influence in terms of carrying to term, but also because no matter how bad an idea I think having a baby as a teenager is (and it's a very very bad one!), once the baby is here I would want it to be in the best possible situation. As the girl's mom I have a lot more power to keep the kid close, fed, clean, healthy, clothed, educated, etc, than the boy's mom, particularly because the relationship between the parents is unlikely to last past the baby's first year.

[Anonymous]

I would rather be the parent of a pregnant girl because as you've mentioned, more control over the situation. What kind of reasons does your husband have for preferring to be the parent of a baby daddy? Less responsibility?

[Anonymous]

This is terrible but the boy has it way easier. He has so many more options at every step of the way. He’s not the one going through pregnancy, so his body and routine stays the same. He can walk away or not. Once the girl decides to keep the pregnancy her options are done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This is terrible but the boy has it way easier. He has so many more options at every step of the way. He’s not the one going through pregnancy, so his body and routine stays the same. He can walk away or not. Once the girl decides to keep the pregnancy her options are done.

Right, but once the kid is here you're not just a parent, you're also a grandparent. So the bolded is not a feature, it's a bug.

[Anonymous]

I was thinking about this as well! I'm with you OP- it would be so tough to the on the boys side. There may be pressure for your son to "be a man" and marry the girl or face the potential of always being the absentee dad when they eventually cut you out (I've seen this happen multiple times!). Most boys are not ready for fatherhood so there will be hurt feelings later when grandchild gets older and resents dad.

A daughter on the other hand you can be actively involved in grandkids life and ensure that your daughter finished college (we had a girl at my college- HPY- whose parents did just this for her).

[Anonymous]

Neither.

I guess the girl because then I'd have a chance of actually knowing the child.

[Anonymous]

The girl, because we would be at the abortion clinic yesterday and that would be the end of that.

[Anonymous]

Parents of the boy will have zero say over the grandchild and often lose all contact with the grandchild. Especially when the baby mama marries and has other children.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you. I have both a teenage son and daughter.

I said I would rather our daughter be pregnant than our son get a girl pregnant because then I feel like we would have more control over the situation.

I tell my teen son that he only gets one choice. That's to wear a condom. After that it doesn't matter what he thinks, or if he wants to be a father or not. It's out of his control. Always, always, always wear a condom.

[Anonymous]

Agree with girl. Like you, I'd feel better having more control of the situation

[Anonymous]

If the child is born, it's much much more complicated to be the boy's parents. The mother of the baby holds all the power essentially, unless she totally abandons the baby. So unless you stay on good terms, there's a good chance you will not be involved in that child's life.

But also, there's a higher chance of less responsibility, but I think that doesn't teach your son the right things.

If my daughter had the baby, I would essentially do the mental/emotional/financial work that I am now supporting another child and we'd figure it all out. I'd assume I'm the surrogate mother to this child. While I'd attempt to do the same with a son's baby, I can't say I've seen it work out too well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you. I have both a teenage son and daughter.

I said I would rather our daughter be pregnant than our son get a girl pregnant because then I feel like we would have more control over the situation.

I tell my teen son that he only gets one choice. That's to wear a condom. After that it doesn't matter what he thinks, or if he wants to be a father or not. It's out of his control. Always, always, always wear a condom.

Same. DS is getting to that age where sex is going to be a real possibility. I'm considering just going out an buying condoms for him to keep. I'm not going to pretend that sex doesn't happen, and I'd rather him have easy access to condoms than chance sex without one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you. I have both a teenage son and daughter.

I said I would rather our daughter be pregnant than our son get a girl pregnant because then I feel like we would have more control over the situation.

I tell my teen son that he only gets one choice. That's to wear a condom. After that it doesn't matter what he thinks, or if he wants to be a father or not. It's out of his control. Always, always, always wear a condom.

Same. DS is getting to that age where sex is going to be a real possibility. I'm considering just going out an buying condoms for him to keep. I'm not going to pretend that sex doesn't happen, and I'd rather him have easy access to condoms than chance sex without one.

Do it. Huge box under the sink in the bathroom. There's always one family like that in a friend group, and the other friends take them too. You'd be performing a public service, seriously.