S/O teen pregnancy- would you rather be the parent of the pregnant girl or the baby daddy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reality check: under age-18 parents usually do not end up in court for custody fighting each other. When they do end up in family court over custody (not CS), it usually fighting a grandparent (or other adults) or the State.

You see a lot more going to court after the parents are in their early 20s.

Whether or not teen boys want full or 50% custody, they don’t seem to pursue it. That’s simply the statistical truth.

Courts don't award 50/50 for newborns and infants

Yes they can. 50/50 does not define time spent with the infant it defines legal rights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Discussion about how much control we have over daughters makes me cringe a bit.

I didn't post that, but many daughters will come to their parents for advice with a pregnancy. NO girl is going to go to her boyfriend's parents for advice. Boyfriend and boyfriend's parents have ZERO say over what happens to baby.

Wrong. Boyfriend and his parents have zero say over what happens to the pregnancy (meaning the girl's right to abort or carry to full term.)

The baby's father absolutely has a say over what happens to his born child. Some people here are posting that statistically they won't go to court to pursue their rights, and I don't doubt them....But that doesn't change the fact that if he DID choose to be an involved father he COULD have equal involvement and "say" as the mother once the child is born.

Practicalities can get in the way of that. What teenaged father could be as involved with the baby as the mother if she’s breastfeeding?

Well, my brother wasn't a teenager (he was in his 30's) but he got 40/60 time with his child even though the mother was breastfeeding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Discussion about how much control we have over daughters makes me cringe a bit.

I didn't post that, but many daughters will come to their parents for advice with a pregnancy. NO girl is going to go to her boyfriend's parents for advice. Boyfriend and boyfriend's parents have ZERO say over what happens to baby.

Wrong. Boyfriend and his parents have zero say over what happens to the pregnancy (meaning the girl's right to abort or carry to full term.)

The baby's father absolutely has a say over what happens to his born child. Some people here are posting that statistically they won't go to court to pursue their rights, and I don't doubt them....But that doesn't change the fact that if he DID choose to be an involved father he COULD have equal involvement and "say" as the mother once the child is born.

Practicalities can get in the way of that. What teenaged father could be as involved with the baby as the mother if she’s breastfeeding?

Mom can pump and send breast milk OR they can use formula on Dad's time but its usually a way to block Dad's from custody/visitation and that is the key time for Dad's to also bond.

I suppose boys who are actually invested in the child could push for this and invest in a breast pump for the mom (which she would need whether dad is giving breast milk or formula), but how many are going to? There’s a difference between what a young father has a right to, and what lengths he’s willing to go to for equal time with the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Discussion about how much control we have over daughters makes me cringe a bit.

I didn't post that, but many daughters will come to their parents for advice with a pregnancy. NO girl is going to go to her boyfriend's parents for advice. Boyfriend and boyfriend's parents have ZERO say over what happens to baby.

Wrong. Boyfriend and his parents have zero say over what happens to the pregnancy (meaning the girl's right to abort or carry to full term.)

The baby's father absolutely has a say over what happens to his born child. Some people here are posting that statistically they won't go to court to pursue their rights, and I don't doubt them....But that doesn't change the fact that if he DID choose to be an involved father he COULD have equal involvement and "say" as the mother once the child is born.

Practicalities can get in the way of that. What teenaged father could be as involved with the baby as the mother if she’s breastfeeding?

Well, my brother wasn't a teenager (he was in his 30's) but he got 40/60 time with his child even though the mother was breastfeeding.

Right. Not a teenager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Discussion about how much control we have over daughters makes me cringe a bit.

I didn't post that, but many daughters will come to their parents for advice with a pregnancy. NO girl is going to go to her boyfriend's parents for advice. Boyfriend and boyfriend's parents have ZERO say over what happens to baby.

Wrong. Boyfriend and his parents have zero say over what happens to the pregnancy (meaning the girl's right to abort or carry to full term.)

The baby's father absolutely has a say over what happens to his born child. Some people here are posting that statistically they won't go to court to pursue their rights, and I don't doubt them....But that doesn't change the fact that if he DID choose to be an involved father he COULD have equal involvement and "say" as the mother once the child is born.

Practicalities can get in the way of that. What teenaged father could be as involved with the baby as the mother if she’s breastfeeding?

Mom can pump and send breast milk OR they can use formula on Dad's time but its usually a way to block Dad's from custody/visitation and that is the key time for Dad's to also bond.

I suppose boys who are actually invested in the child could push for this and invest in a breast pump for the mom (which she would need whether dad is giving breast milk or formula), but how many are going to? There’s a difference between what a young father has a right to, and what lengths he’s willing to go to for equal time with the baby.

Exactly! We are talking about teenage boys who mostly likely are ambivalent to fatherhood/ do not have the maturity. Most of the time it’s the boys parents who are fighting for visitation and custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This is terrible but the boy has it way easier. He has so many more options at every step of the way. He’s not the one going through pregnancy, so his body and routine stays the same. He can walk away or not. Once the girl decides to keep the pregnancy her options are done.

He cannot walk away. He is responsible for child support payments for 18 years.

[Anonymous]

The girl of course. I want access to my grandbaby, even if it's under less than ideal circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This is terrible but the boy has it way easier. He has so many more options at every step of the way. He’s not the one going through pregnancy, so his body and routine stays the same. He can walk away or not. Once the girl decides to keep the pregnancy her options are done.

He cannot walk away. He is responsible for child support payments for 18 years.

From what I hear, lots of dads disappear and never pay...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reality check: under age-18 parents usually do not end up in court for custody fighting each other. When they do end up in family court over custody (not CS), it usually fighting a grandparent (or other adults) or the State.

You see a lot more going to court after the parents are in their early 20s.

Whether or not teen boys want full or 50% custody, they don’t seem to pursue it. That’s simply the statistical truth.

Courts don't award 50/50 for newborns and infants

Yes they can. 50/50 does not define time spent with the infant it defines legal rights.

Courts can, but its rare it happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Discussion about how much control we have over daughters makes me cringe a bit.

I didn't post that, but many daughters will come to their parents for advice with a pregnancy. NO girl is going to go to her boyfriend's parents for advice. Boyfriend and boyfriend's parents have ZERO say over what happens to baby.

Wrong. Boyfriend and his parents have zero say over what happens to the pregnancy (meaning the girl's right to abort or carry to full term.)

The baby's father absolutely has a say over what happens to his born child. Some people here are posting that statistically they won't go to court to pursue their rights, and I don't doubt them....But that doesn't change the fact that if he DID choose to be an involved father he COULD have equal involvement and "say" as the mother once the child is born.

Practicalities can get in the way of that. What teenaged father could be as involved with the baby as the mother if she’s breastfeeding?

Mom can pump and send breast milk OR they can use formula on Dad's time but its usually a way to block Dad's from custody/visitation and that is the key time for Dad's to also bond.

I suppose boys who are actually invested in the child could push for this and invest in a breast pump for the mom (which she would need whether dad is giving breast milk or formula), but how many are going to? There’s a difference between what a young father has a right to, and what lengths he’s willing to go to for equal time with the baby.

She’s gonna have to work so she’s going to have to pump

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This is terrible but the boy has it way easier. He has so many more options at every step of the way. He’s not the one going through pregnancy, so his body and routine stays the same. He can walk away or not. Once the girl decides to keep the pregnancy her options are done.

He cannot walk away. He is responsible for child support payments for 18 years.

With what income???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reality check: under age-18 parents usually do not end up in court for custody fighting each other. When they do end up in family court over custody (not CS), it usually fighting a grandparent (or other adults) or the State.

You see a lot more going to court after the parents are in their early 20s.

Whether or not teen boys want full or 50% custody, they don’t seem to pursue it. That’s simply the statistical truth.

Courts don't award 50/50 for newborns and infants

Yes they can. 50/50 does not define time spent with the infant it defines legal rights.

Courts can, but its rare it happens.

It’s less rare for wealthy or upper middle class families though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This is terrible but the boy has it way easier. He has so many more options at every step of the way. He’s not the one going through pregnancy, so his body and routine stays the same. He can walk away or not. Once the girl decides to keep the pregnancy her options are done.

He cannot walk away. He is responsible for child support payments for 18 years.

From what I hear, lots of dads disappear and never pay...

And, lots of men pay and are refused visitation...

And, lots of men would love custody and are denied.

Men can walk away if the women don't want them involved and don't file for child support but often women don't want the dad's involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless the boy's presence is actually HARMFUL to the baby (like he is abusive, an addict, etc.) he can go to court and get equal custody of the baby.
The girl can't just "cut him out."

Sure she can. I've seen it happen many times.

And the baby's father took her to court and the court ruled against him having any visitation with the baby? Even though he was a loving stable father?

Of course the mother is not going to say that he's a loving stable father! She's going to say he's a good for nothing low life who earns no money and doesn't care about the child. Then she will move away, and there is nothing the father can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reality check: under age-18 parents usually do not end up in court for custody fighting each other. When they do end up in family court over custody (not CS), it usually fighting a grandparent (or other adults) or the State.

You see a lot more going to court after the parents are in their early 20s.

Whether or not teen boys want full or 50% custody, they don’t seem to pursue it. That’s simply the statistical truth.

Courts don't award 50/50 for newborns and infants

Yes they can. 50/50 does not define time spent with the infant it defines legal rights.

Courts can, but its rare it happens.

It’s less rare for wealthy or upper middle class families though.

Most teens aren't wealthy or upper middle class. Most teens have no money so it depends if the parents are willing to pay. Its very rare a Dad will get 50/50 in the early years if Mom refuses.