S/O teen pregnancy- would you rather be the parent of the pregnant girl or the baby daddy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless the boy's presence is actually HARMFUL to the baby (like he is abusive, an addict, etc.) he can go to court and get equal custody of the baby.
The girl can't just "cut him out."

Most of the time the boy cuts himself out. Some of the responses here are treating that as a benefit of being a #boymom - he can just cut and run; his life isn't ruined! And once that happens, yes, it is pretty easy to keep his parents away from the baby.

Of course it's not mandatory that the story plays out like that, but it's what usually happens if you look around at the world. And since we're starting from the premise that our kid (who we taught about safe sex and being responsible) is about to be a teen parent, I think it behooves us to look at the real world instead of arguing that things could be different for MY teen parent!

As a "boymom .. the benefit would be that he can continue college for the months she is likely on recovery from giving birth. Otherwise he is all in, it's not 1950 anymore and he will and should get 50/50 custody.

I speak from experience with both boys and girls getting pregnant as a teen. None were 13. A few were 17, most 18 or 19 and it happened after they started college.

All are doing well, college educated and their kids have either college educations, going to college, masters degrees.

You know boys who got pregnant as a teen?
Just kidding, I agree with your point, but that made me laugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless the boy's presence is actually HARMFUL to the baby (like he is abusive, an addict, etc.) he can go to court and get equal custody of the baby.
The girl can't just "cut him out."

Most of the time the boy cuts himself out. Some of the responses here are treating that as a benefit of being a #boymom - he can just cut and run; his life isn't ruined! And once that happens, yes, it is pretty easy to keep his parents away from the baby.

Of course it's not mandatory that the story plays out like that, but it's what usually happens if you look around at the world. And since we're starting from the premise that our kid (who we taught about safe sex and being responsible) is about to be a teen parent, I think it behooves us to look at the real world instead of arguing that things could be different for MY teen parent!

As a "boymom .. the benefit would be that he can continue college for the months she is likely on recovery from giving birth. Otherwise he is all in, it's not 1950 anymore and he will and should get 50/50 custody.

I speak from experience with both boys and girls getting pregnant as a teen. None were 13. A few were 17, most 18 or 19 and it happened after they started college.

All are doing well, college educated and their kids have either college educations, going to college, masters degrees.

You know boys who got pregnant as a teen?
Just kidding, I agree with your point, but that made me laugh.

Yes but they go by they/them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First choice neither.
Second choice girl.
Third choice boy.

I say girl because you have more influence in terms of carrying to term, but also because no matter how bad an idea I think having a baby as a teenager is (and it's a very very bad one!), once the baby is here I would want it to be in the best possible situation. As the girl's mom I have a lot more power to keep the kid close, fed, clean, healthy, clothed, educated, etc, than the boy's mom, particularly because the relationship between the parents is unlikely to last past the baby's first year.

This.

I have a couple cousins who were teen moms and I had my oldest as a single mom at 21. It is a lot easier for grandparents to provide support and structure to the mom. Especially since she’s likely still living at home with the baby.

[Anonymous]

^^^^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^^

Sorry this is for 2 up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Discussion about how much control we have over daughters makes me cringe a bit.

I didn't post that, but many daughters will come to their parents for advice with a pregnancy. NO girl is going to go to her boyfriend's parents for advice. Boyfriend and boyfriend's parents have ZERO say over what happens to baby.

[Anonymous]

Reality check: under age-18 parents usually do not end up in court for custody fighting each other. When they do end up in family court over custody (not CS), it usually fighting a grandparent (or other adults) or the State.

You see a lot more going to court after the parents are in their early 20s.

Whether or not teen boys want full or 50% custody, they don’t seem to pursue it. That’s simply the statistical truth.

[Anonymous]

Girl. I could strongly advise her to get an abortion; can’t really do that if it were my son.

In the case that the girl in the situation decides not to have an abortion- that’s tough. I know that I would end up doing most of the care if she were my daughter, and would want to, tbh, so that she could focus on school. If my son were the dad there would be less direct care, but also less control (for either of us) over the situation in general. No telling what choices the girl and her family would make, and if my son has a child I would fully expect him to be involved in his child’s life. That would be hard if the girl’s family doesn’t want him involved.

I don’t even like thinking about all this! What a disaster it would be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless the boy's presence is actually HARMFUL to the baby (like he is abusive, an addict, etc.) he can go to court and get equal custody of the baby.
The girl can't just "cut him out."

Hahaha! This isn't how it works at all. Do you know how many billions of dollars have been spent by men fighting for years and years to get custody? Police consider it a civil matter. They don't enforce it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Discussion about how much control we have over daughters makes me cringe a bit.

I didn't post that, but many daughters will come to their parents for advice with a pregnancy. NO girl is going to go to her boyfriend's parents for advice. Boyfriend and boyfriend's parents have ZERO say over what happens to baby.

Wrong. Boyfriend and his parents have zero say over what happens to the pregnancy (meaning the girl's right to abort or carry to full term.)

The baby's father absolutely has a say over what happens to his born child. Some people here are posting that statistically they won't go to court to pursue their rights, and I don't doubt them....But that doesn't change the fact that if he DID choose to be an involved father he COULD have equal involvement and "say" as the mother once the child is born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reality check: under age-18 parents usually do not end up in court for custody fighting each other. When they do end up in family court over custody (not CS), it usually fighting a grandparent (or other adults) or the State.

You see a lot more going to court after the parents are in their early 20s.

Whether or not teen boys want full or 50% custody, they don’t seem to pursue it. That’s simply the statistical truth.

Courts don't award 50/50 for newborns and infants

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Discussion about how much control we have over daughters makes me cringe a bit.

I didn't post that, but many daughters will come to their parents for advice with a pregnancy. NO girl is going to go to her boyfriend's parents for advice. Boyfriend and boyfriend's parents have ZERO say over what happens to baby.

Wrong. Boyfriend and his parents have zero say over what happens to the pregnancy (meaning the girl's right to abort or carry to full term.)

The baby's father absolutely has a say over what happens to his born child. Some people here are posting that statistically they won't go to court to pursue their rights, and I don't doubt them....But that doesn't change the fact that if he DID choose to be an involved father he COULD have equal involvement and "say" as the mother once the child is born.

Practicalities can get in the way of that. What teenaged father could be as involved with the baby as the mother if she’s breastfeeding?

[Anonymous]

Neither, but teen mom as you choose to raise the baby or not and if you don't want the dad involved you can easily block it. Dad's have more rights now but if the mom doesn't want to cooperate often they are a paycheck and then called a deadbeat...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Discussion about how much control we have over daughters makes me cringe a bit.

I didn't post that, but many daughters will come to their parents for advice with a pregnancy. NO girl is going to go to her boyfriend's parents for advice. Boyfriend and boyfriend's parents have ZERO say over what happens to baby.

Wrong. Boyfriend and his parents have zero say over what happens to the pregnancy (meaning the girl's right to abort or carry to full term.)

The baby's father absolutely has a say over what happens to his born child. Some people here are posting that statistically they won't go to court to pursue their rights, and I don't doubt them....But that doesn't change the fact that if he DID choose to be an involved father he COULD have equal involvement and "say" as the mother once the child is born.

Practicalities can get in the way of that. What teenaged father could be as involved with the baby as the mother if she’s breastfeeding?

Mom can pump and send breast milk OR they can use formula on Dad's time but its usually a way to block Dad's from custody/visitation and that is the key time for Dad's to also bond.

[Anonymous]

Boy.

Sadly, men fare much better in these situations than women. I've seen it first hand in my family.