S/O teen pregnancy- would you rather be the parent of the pregnant girl or the baby daddy?

[Anonymous]

Unless the boy's presence is actually HARMFUL to the baby (like he is abusive, an addict, etc.) he can go to court and get equal custody of the baby.
The girl can't just "cut him out."

[Anonymous]

Boy. I would supply him with condoms and tell him to use one every time he decides he doesn't want to have a baby. Not completely foolproof, but it would help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless the boy's presence is actually HARMFUL to the baby (like he is abusive, an addict, etc.) he can go to court and get equal custody of the baby.
The girl can't just "cut him out."

Most of the time the boy cuts himself out. Some of the responses here are treating that as a benefit of being a #boymom - he can just cut and run; his life isn't ruined! And once that happens, yes, it is pretty easy to keep his parents away from the baby.

Of course it's not mandatory that the story plays out like that, but it's what usually happens if you look around at the world. And since we're starting from the premise that our kid (who we taught about safe sex and being responsible) is about to be a teen parent, I think it behooves us to look at the real world instead of arguing that things could be different for MY teen parent!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless the boy's presence is actually HARMFUL to the baby (like he is abusive, an addict, etc.) he can go to court and get equal custody of the baby.
The girl can't just "cut him out."

Sure she can. I've seen it happen many times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boy. I would supply him with condoms and tell him to use one every time he decides he doesn't want to have a baby. Not completely foolproof, but it would help.

I don't think you understood the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless the boy's presence is actually HARMFUL to the baby (like he is abusive, an addict, etc.) he can go to court and get equal custody of the baby.
The girl can't just "cut him out."

Sure she can. I've seen it happen many times.

And the baby's father took her to court and the court ruled against him having any visitation with the baby? Even though he was a loving stable father?

[Anonymous]

While I would like neither to happen. It is better to be the parent of the girl if you want access to the baby if she decides to have the child.

My cousin is living with this situation right now as the parent of the boy. It has not been good. He did not walk away, he has continued in school and is working part-time or as much as possible to pay child support. Initially they (my cousin and her husband) were giving the baby's mother a check each month and paying for daycare. The baby's mother was not getting along with her own parents so moved in with her grandparents. The baby's mother would get upset at every rumor or any misinformation she heard about my cousin's son having a new girlfriend. They had broken up when the baby's mother announced she was pregnant. She increasingly asked for more and more money.

Eventually my cousin hired an attorney and they went to court for visitiation. They also requested a court ordered amount for child support. They received both. My cousin and her husband wanted son to continue with school so they help him pay the child support and they continue to pay daycare so that the girl can attend school if she would like to....she does not consistently take the child to daycare. Grandparents complain that they take care of child while she sleeps all day or watches tv/youtube. My cousin tries to stay in a good place with the baby's mom so that she can see her grandchild because the baby's mother feels she can ignore the visitation order if she is mad about something.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't matter. I'd do my best to help, whatever the girl decided to do about the pregnancy. If I were the mom of the boy, though, I would insist on a paternity test. Just seen too many men find out very late in the game that they weren't the father. This hurts both the baby and the purported father, plus he could still end up being on the hook for child support even though the baby wasn't his.

(I don't understand the posts talking about birth control, as the question is about a pregnancy, so that ship has sailed).

[Anonymous]

Nope, neither. I'd rather be childless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boy. I would supply him with condoms and tell him to use one every time he decides he doesn't want to have a baby. Not completely foolproof, but it would help.

This doesn't answer the question. However, if the question is which is better (as a parent) to try ensure birth control, I think the parents of the girls are in a better position. With a boy, you have to rely on the boy doing what he is supposed to be doing in the heat of the moment (and you aren't there). With a girl, you can have her get iud or watch to make sure they are taking a pill every day.

[Anonymous]

I have a boy. And I've been a pregnant teenager.

So one lesson I've imparted with this dude is that the biggest bummer on his part if he ever finds himself in this situation (and I hope he doesn't and I've done what I can to ensure that's the case)is that he *doesn't get to decide what happens.*

And if he did get a girl pregnant and she wanted to have and keep the baby? I'm not dropping her, either, regardless of where she stands with my kid. That's my grandchild, and she needs support and encouragement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This is terrible but the boy has it way easier. He has so many more options at every step of the way. He’s not the one going through pregnancy, so his body and routine stays the same. He can walk away or not. Once the girl decides to keep the pregnancy her options are done.

No, her options are not done.

[Anonymous]

Discussion about how much control we have over daughters makes me cringe a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boy. I would supply him with condoms and tell him to use one every time he decides he doesn't want to have a baby. Not completely foolproof, but it would help.

Good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless the boy's presence is actually HARMFUL to the baby (like he is abusive, an addict, etc.) he can go to court and get equal custody of the baby.
The girl can't just "cut him out."

Most of the time the boy cuts himself out. Some of the responses here are treating that as a benefit of being a #boymom - he can just cut and run; his life isn't ruined! And once that happens, yes, it is pretty easy to keep his parents away from the baby.

Of course it's not mandatory that the story plays out like that, but it's what usually happens if you look around at the world. And since we're starting from the premise that our kid (who we taught about safe sex and being responsible) is about to be a teen parent, I think it behooves us to look at the real world instead of arguing that things could be different for MY teen parent!

As a "boymom .. the benefit would be that he can continue college for the months she is likely on recovery from giving birth. Otherwise he is all in, it's not 1950 anymore and he will and should get 50/50 custody.

I speak from experience with both boys and girls getting pregnant as a teen. None were 13. A few were 17, most 18 or 19 and it happened after they started college.

All are doing well, college educated and their kids have either college educations, going to college, masters degrees.