Wife always using being an “introvert” as an excuse

[Anonymous]

Especially when it comes to my family. She complains that they don’t acknowledge her and then will find somewhere alone to isolate herself from everyone. She doesn’t talk to anyone, just sits there. She says she’s an introvert, but I find her behavior weird and kind of bitchy. I don’t understand her behavior and neither does anyone in my family that’s why they don’t speak to her. I want her to get help and change her ways because it’s tearing us apart. I’m at my wit’s end!

[Anonymous]

OP do you have a sister or an aunt that could help and reach out a bit to your wife at the family gatherings?

[Anonymous]

These kinds of dynamics are rarely totally one-sided, so my guess is that your family is part of the problem in that you’re unwilling to acknowledge. That, in turn, makes your wife dig in even harder on not trying because she’s tired of taking the blame for everyone when you side with your family against her.

[Anonymous]

She might be shy and feeling insecure.

You sound like you hate your wife, by the way. Why don't you try to emphasize and approach the situation with kindness? You're more likely to have success that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These kinds of dynamics are rarely totally one-sided, so my guess is that your family is part of the problem in that you’re unwilling to acknowledge. That, in turn, makes your wife dig in even harder on not trying because she’s tired of taking the blame for everyone when you side with your family against her.

It’s not that I’m taking my family’s side, I’m trying to tell her she’s the problem. We use to work together and our coworkers said the same thing about her because she would sit away from everyone during meetings and company events. At some point, she has to acknowledge her role in this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These kinds of dynamics are rarely totally one-sided, so my guess is that your family is part of the problem in that you’re unwilling to acknowledge. That, in turn, makes your wife dig in even harder on not trying because she’s tired of taking the blame for everyone when you side with your family against her.

It’s not that I’m taking my family’s side, I’m trying to tell her she’s the problem. We use to work together and our coworkers said the same thing about her because she would sit away from everyone during meetings and company events. At some point, she has to acknowledge her role in this.

So you married her knowing this part of her personality and now are demanding she change because your family doesn’t like it? Sounds like you’re the problem here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She might be shy and feeling insecure.

You sound like you hate your wife, by the way. Why don't you try to emphasize and approach the situation with kindness? You're more likely to have success that way.

You sound like my wife. I told her I can’t stand her personality and she took it as me saying I can’t stand her. If that were the case, I wouldn’t have married her. I’ve tried to approach it with kindness, but she immediately gets defensive and it starts a fight.

[Anonymous]

OP at some point you have to acknowledge that she's exactly who she showed she was before you married her too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These kinds of dynamics are rarely totally one-sided, so my guess is that your family is part of the problem in that you’re unwilling to acknowledge. That, in turn, makes your wife dig in even harder on not trying because she’s tired of taking the blame for everyone when you side with your family against her.

It’s not that I’m taking my family’s side, I’m trying to tell her she’s the problem. We use to work together and our coworkers said the same thing about her because she would sit away from everyone during meetings and company events. At some point, she has to acknowledge her role in this.

So you married her knowing this part of her personality and now are demanding she change because your family doesn’t like it? Sounds like you’re the problem here.

I don’t like it either. She should want to change it for me. I thought she would’ve grown as a person, but she’s too set in her ways. As far as my family goes, my family is close and we always have gatherings. It’s hard bringing her around because she doesn’t try to fit in. I’ve missed a lot of events for her sake just so she won’t be uncomfortable. I don’t know what else I can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She might be shy and feeling insecure.

You sound like you hate your wife, by the way. Why don't you try to emphasize and approach the situation with kindness? You're more likely to have success that way.

You sound like my wife. I told her I can’t stand her personality and she took it as me saying I can’t stand her. If that were the case, I wouldn’t have married her. I’ve tried to approach it with kindness, but she immediately gets defensive and it starts a fight.

Um, if you can’t stand her personality, what exactly do you love about her? That’s an awful thing to say to a person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP at some point you have to acknowledge that she's exactly who she showed she was before you married her too.

I have acknowledged that. I just thought after ten years, she would’ve grown as a person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These kinds of dynamics are rarely totally one-sided, so my guess is that your family is part of the problem in that you’re unwilling to acknowledge. That, in turn, makes your wife dig in even harder on not trying because she’s tired of taking the blame for everyone when you side with your family against her.

It’s not that I’m taking my family’s side, I’m trying to tell her she’s the problem. We use to work together and our coworkers said the same thing about her because she would sit away from everyone during meetings and company events. At some point, she has to acknowledge her role in this.

So you married her knowing this part of her personality and now are demanding she change because your family doesn’t like it? Sounds like you’re the problem here.

I don’t like it either. She should want to change it for me. I thought she would’ve grown as a person, but she’s too set in her ways. As far as my family goes, my family is close and we always have gatherings. It’s hard bringing her around because she doesn’t try to fit in. I’ve missed a lot of events for her sake just so she won’t be uncomfortable. I don’t know what else I can do.

You married someone you dislike expecting she would change who she is to please you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She might be shy and feeling insecure.

You sound like you hate your wife, by the way. Why don't you try to emphasize and approach the situation with kindness? You're more likely to have success that way.

You sound like my wife. I told her I can’t stand her personality and she took it as me saying I can’t stand her. If that were the case, I wouldn’t have married her. I’ve tried to approach it with kindness, but she immediately gets defensive and it starts a fight.

Um, if you can’t stand her personality, what exactly do you love about her? That’s an awful thing to say to a person.

Besides her personality, we have a lot in common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She might be shy and feeling insecure.

You sound like you hate your wife, by the way. Why don't you try to emphasize and approach the situation with kindness? You're more likely to have success that way.

You sound like my wife. I told her I can’t stand her personality and she took it as me saying I can’t stand her. If that were the case, I wouldn’t have married her. I’ve tried to approach it with kindness, but she immediately gets defensive and it starts a fight.

WTF? You realize her personality is part of her, right? it is not easy to change your personality, nor should she have to be someone she isn't. you don't marry someone hoping they will change. after all, you're still an asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She might be shy and feeling insecure.

You sound like you hate your wife, by the way. Why don't you try to emphasize and approach the situation with kindness? You're more likely to have success that way.

You sound like my wife. I told her I can’t stand her personality and she took it as me saying I can’t stand her. If that were the case, I wouldn’t have married her. I’ve tried to approach it with kindness, but she immediately gets defensive and it starts a fight.

Um, if you can’t stand her personality, what exactly do you love about her? That’s an awful thing to say to a person.

Besides her personality, we have a lot in common.

Her personality the is core of who she is. What do you have in common that is unrelated to her personality?