Wife always using being an “introvert” as an excuse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being introverted is not synonymous with social anxiety, being shy, being awkward, being stand-offish.

Your wife might have issues or not socialize the way you want her to, but stop saying it’s because she’s introverted.

She refers to herself as an introvert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave her be. Sounds like she doesn’t care to have a deep bond with your family and they make her uncomfortable (could be nothing personal against them). That should be ok. No one is doing anything “wrong” and she shouldn’t have to go to therapy to make better small talk with your family. Just let it be. Visit them without her or accept she isn’t social and let her interact on whatever level she feels comfortable doing. I really don’t get why this bothers you so much. It sounds like she has always been this way. It isn’t as if she and your mom were BFFs and went shopping together every weekend and now won’t speak to her. You do sound a subpar husband, by the way.

It’s not just for me and my family, it will benefit her in the long run. She hasn’t been successful in her career either (constantly passed over for promotions) because of her personality. She’s letting her behavior hold her back in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP at some point you have to acknowledge that she's exactly who she showed she was before you married her too.

I have acknowledged that. I just thought after ten years, she would’ve grown as a person.

Well lesson learned, eh? Do both of you a favor and divorce! And don't marry someone else until you fully accept that they aren't going to grow or change in the ways you imagine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave her be. Sounds like she doesn’t care to have a deep bond with your family and they make her uncomfortable (could be nothing personal against them). That should be ok. No one is doing anything “wrong” and she shouldn’t have to go to therapy to make better small talk with your family. Just let it be. Visit them without her or accept she isn’t social and let her interact on whatever level she feels comfortable doing. I really don’t get why this bothers you so much. It sounds like she has always been this way. It isn’t as if she and your mom were BFFs and went shopping together every weekend and now won’t speak to her. You do sound a subpar husband, by the way.

It’s not just for me and my family, it will benefit her in the long run. She hasn’t been successful in her career either (constantly passed over for promotions) because of her personality. She’s letting her behavior hold her back in life.

OP, you need to recognize that your wife is an adult who can make her own decisions. I do not understand how you would even know that she is "constantly passed over for promotions because of her personality." If your wife wants to stay at home and work at the same job and not get promoted, that is actually fine if that is what she wants. You don't know what's best for her. Can you even hear how patronizing and condescending you sound?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave her be. Sounds like she doesn’t care to have a deep bond with your family and they make her uncomfortable (could be nothing personal against them). That should be ok. No one is doing anything “wrong” and she shouldn’t have to go to therapy to make better small talk with your family. Just let it be. Visit them without her or accept she isn’t social and let her interact on whatever level she feels comfortable doing. I really don’t get why this bothers you so much. It sounds like she has always been this way. It isn’t as if she and your mom were BFFs and went shopping together every weekend and now won’t speak to her. You do sound a subpar husband, by the way.

It’s not just for me and my family, it will benefit her in the long run. She hasn’t been successful in her career either (constantly passed over for promotions) because of her personality. She’s letting her behavior hold her back in life.

OP, you need to recognize that your wife is an adult who can make her own decisions. I do not understand how you would even know that she is "constantly passed over for promotions because of her personality." If your wife wants to stay at home and work at the same job and not get promoted, that is actually fine if that is what she wants. You don't know what's best for her. Can you even hear how patronizing and condescending you sound?

She said it herself that she wants a promotion, she’s even spoken with her supervisor about it and was told that she has to work on speaking up more before she can be considered in a leadership role. You’re right, only she knows what’s best for her. I just want to help as her husband not patronize her.

[Anonymous]

Let her figure out her career on her own. As for your family you are married to her not them. Let her interact the way she feels comfortable. And go to events on your own, so what she can stay home. I don't always like being at my DH's family, it's his family not mine so he can go without me at times. Make your own family traditions, and stop being so intertwined with yours. Does she have family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave her be. Sounds like she doesn’t care to have a deep bond with your family and they make her uncomfortable (could be nothing personal against them). That should be ok. No one is doing anything “wrong” and she shouldn’t have to go to therapy to make better small talk with your family. Just let it be. Visit them without her or accept she isn’t social and let her interact on whatever level she feels comfortable doing. I really don’t get why this bothers you so much. It sounds like she has always been this way. It isn’t as if she and your mom were BFFs and went shopping together every weekend and now won’t speak to her. You do sound a subpar husband, by the way.

It’s not just for me and my family, it will benefit her in the long run. She hasn’t been successful in her career either (constantly passed over for promotions) because of her personality. She’s letting her behavior hold her back in life.

OP, you need to recognize that your wife is an adult who can make her own decisions. I do not understand how you would even know that she is "constantly passed over for promotions because of her personality." If your wife wants to stay at home and work at the same job and not get promoted, that is actually fine if that is what she wants. You don't know what's best for her. Can you even hear how patronizing and condescending you sound?

Even if she is, who cares. If it's that important she'll figure it out. Otherwise...she might like the job she has.

OP is too involved with his family imo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These kinds of dynamics are rarely totally one-sided, so my guess is that your family is part of the problem in that you’re unwilling to acknowledge. That, in turn, makes your wife dig in even harder on not trying because she’s tired of taking the blame for everyone when you side with your family against her.

It’s not that I’m taking my family’s side, I’m trying to tell her she’s the problem. We use to work together and our coworkers said the same thing about her because she would sit away from everyone during meetings and company events. At some point, she has to acknowledge her role in this.

So you married her knowing this part of her personality and now are demanding she change because your family doesn’t like it? Sounds like you’re the problem here.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Especially when it comes to my family. She complains that they don’t acknowledge her and then will find somewhere alone to isolate herself from everyone. She doesn’t talk to anyone, just sits there. She says she’s an introvert, but I find her behavior weird and kind of bitchy. I don’t understand her behavior and neither does anyone in my family that’s why they don’t speak to her. I want her to get help and change her ways because it’s tearing us apart. I’m at my wit’s end!

If they are so talkative and friendly, why don’t they acknowledge her and know how to make conversation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These kinds of dynamics are rarely totally one-sided, so my guess is that your family is part of the problem in that you’re unwilling to acknowledge. That, in turn, makes your wife dig in even harder on not trying because she’s tired of taking the blame for everyone when you side with your family against her.

It’s not that I’m taking my family’s side, I’m trying to tell her she’s the problem. We use to work together and our coworkers said the same thing about her because she would sit away from everyone during meetings and company events. At some point, she has to acknowledge her role in this.

Did they tell you this directly or are your twisting up something your wife told you her coworkers told her and using it against her? Nasty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She might be shy and feeling insecure.

You sound like you hate your wife, by the way. Why don't you try to emphasize and approach the situation with kindness? You're more likely to have success that way.

You sound like my wife. I told her I can’t stand her personality and she took it as me saying I can’t stand her. If that were the case, I wouldn’t have married her. I’ve tried to approach it with kindness, but she immediately gets defensive and it starts a fight.

Wtf. Is this Op going around telling people he Hates their Personality and then wondering how all communication got shut down? Wtf.

[Anonymous]

You are incompatible OP. Socializing is important to you, it is not important to her. You can't "fix" someone who doesn't want to be "fixed".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Especially when it comes to my family. She complains that they don’t acknowledge her and then will find somewhere alone to isolate herself from everyone. She doesn’t talk to anyone, just sits there. She says she’s an introvert, but I find her behavior weird and kind of bitchy. I don’t understand her behavior and neither does anyone in my family that’s why they don’t speak to her. I want her to get help and change her ways because it’s tearing us apart. I’m at my wit’s end!

If they are so talkative and friendly, why don’t they acknowledge her and know how to make conversation?

Sounds like a lot of work to me.

[Anonymous]

If this was a DH everyone would be saying he needs to suck it up and be nice for a few hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She might be shy and feeling insecure.

You sound like you hate your wife, by the way. Why don't you try to emphasize and approach the situation with kindness? You're more likely to have success that way.

You sound like my wife. I told her I can’t stand her personality and she took it as me saying I can’t stand her. If that were the case, I wouldn’t have married her. I’ve tried to approach it with kindness, but she immediately gets defensive and it starts a fight.

Um, if you can’t stand her personality, what exactly do you love about her? That’s an awful thing to say to a person.

Besides her personality, we have a lot in common.

No, it doesn't sound like you are compatible.