Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I expected my spouse to fit in/get along with my family, and he expected likewise of me. That was one of the most important factors tbh.
I wouldn't give someone 10 years worth of chances, though. If it's not working in the first year, it ain't gonna get better.
This is bigger than getting along with the in-laws, though. OP's DW apparently can't get along with people at work, either. That speaks of a larger personality or some type of disorder, for which she won't even acknowledge or get help for. Basically telling OP you have to live with the restrictions that come with a spouse who is negative and cold to other people. That's not healthy for her or their kid, and not fair to ask the OP to live like that.
Keep in mind that you only have OP's interpretation of this situation. I wonder what OP's wife's story is, since I very much doubt that she'd be like, "You're all right, I'm NOT an introvert and am actually a cold bitch!" I don't think that anyone can place too much stock on OP's reports of what former colleagues have said about OP's wife's attitude at work. It sounds like OP's wife does not like large events with OP's family of origin and also like she was not particularly happy at the job they worked at together. I think that it's totally possible for both of those things to be true without indicating a broader pattern of not being able to get along with people or having a personality disorder. As for not getting help for it, it sounds to me like she went to marriage counseling to get help for one of the ways that this "problem" manifests, but who is to say that OP's wife is not happier in a different job or might be grateful not to have to go to big events anymore?
As for telling the OP that he has to live with these restrictions, he does not have to live with them. What he has to do is decide whether these things, if they remain unchanged, are things that he will be able to tolerate. If the answer is no, then what he has to do is file for divorce. He said that's "not an option" which is BS. Getting divorced should be at least as much of an option as requiring his wife to change her personality to be more enjoyable for him.
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