DH "banning" me from visiting my family with kids
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Anonymous
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I had plans to see my family in California this month, like I have for every summer in the past 10 years. He is an attorney and wrote me an email, saying that I don't have permission to do it and that he's going to file for divorce and if I go to California on my vacation, I'll lose custody of the children.
I spoke to a lawyer who said that I can still do it since he hasn't filed or done anything yet, but I'm scared. Is my lawyer right? Of course, to make it more complicated, my downtown apartment lease is up for renewal and I can't afford it anymore now that he has taken a job in Dallas and refuses to pay for it unless I agree to move to Dallas by next summer. So I almost need to temporarily move in with my family in California. But, again, he's not even allowing me to go to California. How do stay at home mom with 2 very young children who have followed their husband to law school, clerkships, position after position, manage? When he made partner but only at a small firm back in his hometown in Texas and I didn't want to leave DC (or wanted to go to California), he basically had arranged it so I can't visit California and am forced to move to Texas. I've been paying an attorney $400 per hour out of some money that I had before we got married but I can't keep doing it since I'll run out of money and I don't want him to know that I also have a lawyer yet since he says he plans to file for divorce oncei give him the name of my lawyer since he doesn't want to serve me in front of the kids. I just need to know: (1) can I move out of this apartment of $4k/month that I cannot afford and that my husband refuses to pay for (since I am not moving to Texas) and move in temporarily with my family in California with the kids (free)? (2) can I at least visit my family in California with the kids? (3) do I need to renew the lease for $4k/month that I cannot afford when my husband has moved out and moved to Texas? |
Anonymous
| You need to talk with a lawyer about this immediately. |
Anonymous
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I'm sorry to hear this OP but you need to be speaking to the attorney not crowd sourcing this. I'd find out if the laws are friendlier to you in the state you are in vs the state he wants you to move to.
I'd ask the lawyer but here's what I would do. I'd plan my trip. It's a free country and you are not doing anything illegal by taking your kids on an interstate vacation. I'd send him an email as the plane is taking off. "Hi Honey, as we do every summer, the kids and I are going to visit grandma from x date to y date and we will be back at home on y date. The kids and I love you very much and I sure hope you won't follow through on divorcing me over this vacation. In any case, I look forward to seeing you when we get back. Love, Larla" So you are being transparent, keeping him in the loop, being nice, subtly acknowledging his threat to divorce you, and not committing to moving to TX. The ball will then be in his court. I doubt family court will appreciate him using his status as an attorney to threaten you with false statements as if he has the legal authority to prevent you from interstate travel and that you will lose custody of your kids. But, like I said, ask a real lawyer not DCUM. I'd be very hesitant to move to TX as it doesn't seem like the most woman friendly place to me if he divorces you. Stick to a blue state. |
Anonymous
| I am a lawyer and your lawyer has given you correct advice so far. I’m sorry your husband is using his status as a lawyer to frighten you with lies. |
Anonymous
| You never mentioned a job, so I guess that's not a concern. You should go to California to move in with family. Then you'll be more clear headed for the negotiations ahead. It sounds like your husband has a weak hand, so he's trying to bluff you into folding your cards now. |
Anonymous
| If he's already moved to Texas, you should file for custody/child support/divorce ASAP so that you and your children can afford to continue in your home. |
Anonymous
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If you are a stay at home mom and his job is in Texas, you move to Texas. You are being unreasonable in your refusal to move there.
If moving to Texas is a complete non negotiable for you, you need to find a way to support yourself and half of your children's needs. No more "stay at home mom" ing. |
Anonymous
That's just not true. It sounds like their marriage is pretty terrible and perhaps abusive. If they get divorced, he will need to pay child support and there is no requirement that the family move to Texas. Obviously I don't know if child support will be enough to support them or what kind of job mom could get. |
Anonymous
Neither you nor I know the whole story from a few paragraphs that OP wrote. Your response is total self projection. |
Anonymous
| Reality check. You can’t afford to go to California. You need a job and a new cheaper Apt (try a studio or 1 bedroom). You need to line up childcare for your kids. File for divorce in the state you reside and get an order for temporary support. |
Anonymous
Actually, California may be the one place she can afford. She can live free with family and possibly get free childcare. |
Anonymous
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Contact Carolyn Goodman. She is a divorce lawyer in DC who will work with you and not gouge you.
https://www.goodlawdc.com/ |
Anonymous
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Move to CA with the kids. They are DC residents. Not TX. They don't live there.
Move now and let him file in CA court when they become residents in 6? Months. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like your DH is right in knowing that this wouldn’t be a regular trip to CA. I wouldn’t promise to bring them back and then not do it. |
Anonymous
She can "plan" to return, not "promise". Plans can change. Especially if he escalates his threats while she is in CA. |