DH "banning" me from visiting my family with kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Move to CA with the kids. They are DC residents. Not TX. They don't live there.

Move now and let him file in CA court when they become residents in 6? Months.

DH has established residency in TX. If he filed first (in Texas) then she may be subject to a divorce in Texas if she moves to CA. Better off staying in DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your DH is right in knowing that this wouldn’t be a regular trip to CA. I wouldn’t promise to bring them back and then not do it.

She can "plan" to return, not "promise". Plans can change. Especially if he escalates his threats while she is in CA.

Please....no Judge is going to buy this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your DH is right in knowing that this wouldn’t be a regular trip to CA. I wouldn’t promise to bring them back and then not do it.

She can "plan" to return, not "promise". Plans can change. Especially if he escalates his threats while she is in CA.

Please....no Judge is going to buy this.

Esp if she moves out first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your DH is right in knowing that this wouldn’t be a regular trip to CA. I wouldn’t promise to bring them back and then not do it.

She can "plan" to return, not "promise". Plans can change. Especially if he escalates his threats while she is in CA.

Please....no Judge is going to buy this.

Esp if she moves out first.

Did he already move to Texas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are a stay at home mom and his job is in Texas, you move to Texas. You are being unreasonable in your refusal to move there.

If moving to Texas is a complete non negotiable for you, you need to find a way to support yourself and half of your children's needs. No more "stay at home mom" ing.

Neither you nor I know the whole story from a few paragraphs that OP wrote. Your response is total self projection.

Actually, this seems like a totally reasonable response. As a sahm, she should be either living with her husband or starting divorce proceedings (and at least start thinking about a career. If he is abusive, divorce. But she can’t expect him to pay the bills wherever she wants to live!

[Anonymous]

You can't just keep spending his money and allowing him to fully provide for you and your kids while you swan off on vacation and take his kids away from him.

If he found a good job in Texas to provide for his family, it's reasonable for expect his family to be in Texas with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your DH is right in knowing that this wouldn’t be a regular trip to CA. I wouldn’t promise to bring them back and then not do it.

She can "plan" to return, not "promise". Plans can change. Especially if he escalates his threats while she is in CA.

Please....no Judge is going to buy this.

This. Send your husband an email in reply thanking him for his concern, and telling him you already have plans in place to visit CA from Date X to Date Y, like you have for the past 10 years. If you have return tickets, send him a copy. Also tell him that you are happy to work with him on finding dates when he can vacation with the kids. Then go on vacation and come back on the date you said you would.

Don’t take them to CA and keep them there. It could be considered parental kidnapping in a divorce. PKPA applies to custody, and it will be decided by DC irregardless, because that’s where the kids live now. Trying to unilaterally move kids out of state could work against you.

https://www.bwjp.org/assets/documents/pdfs/a_practitioner%E2%80%99s_guide_to_the_parental_kidnapping_prevention_act_pkpa.pdf

Depending on a number of factors, including the kids ages and what they want, if both parents want custody, you will each get it 1/2 time. If you more to CA or he moves to TX, the parent moving away from the kids residence in DC will probably lose primary custody and get the kids for school breaks and major holidays.

File for formal separation now and get a temporary support order in place so that you can get an income stream and know what you can afford. You will get child support, and as a SAHM, you can probably get some short term alimony while you transition to the workforce, unless something is going on like a significant medical issue for you or a kid. But, I would not count on long term alimony. You need to be making a plan now to get back into the workforce. You might need to move to the burbs. It’s okay. We don’t bite.

Or, you can move to Texas and not file. Just be aware— if you do, and you want to file a year from now, your kids are TX residents. The assumption will be that they stay in TX, and if you decide to move to CA or back to DC, you will lose primary custody and get the breaks and vacation thing. So if you move the kids to TX, you are stuck in TX if you want custody of the kids.

**** disclaimer: this varies by state. I don’t know all the facts in your case. Your personal facts could completely change things. Family law is not my primary field. ****** **********This is not legal advice*******. It’s me looking at an abstract problem without having all the info and saying— huh, how would this play out based on the law in my state, as it stood 10 years ago. ****Do not rely on this advice in making decisions****. Work with your lawyer on your specific situational and ***** follow their advice*****

[Anonymous]

I would go with what your lawyer told you. You need to go to court and get a temporary order for child support and alimony. Do this ASAP.

[Anonymous]

OP: Is this something that is considered OK in your culture?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are a stay at home mom and his job is in Texas, you move to Texas. You are being unreasonable in your refusal to move there.

If moving to Texas is a complete non negotiable for you, you need to find a way to support yourself and half of your children's needs. No more "stay at home mom" ing.

This is some of the most crazy stuff I’ve read on here in a long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are a stay at home mom and his job is in Texas, you move to Texas. You are being unreasonable in your refusal to move there.

If moving to Texas is a complete non negotiable for you, you need to find a way to support yourself and half of your children's needs. No more "stay at home mom" ing.

This is some of the most crazy stuff I’ve read on here in a long time.

It’s not totally crazy. If he moved to Texas for work, he may have expected wife and kids to come spend vacation with him in Texas for all or part of the summer vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are a stay at home mom and his job is in Texas, you move to Texas. You are being unreasonable in your refusal to move there.

If moving to Texas is a complete non negotiable for you, you need to find a way to support yourself and half of your children's needs. No more "stay at home mom" ing.

This is some of the most crazy stuff I’ve read on here in a long time.

It’s not totally crazy. If he moved to Texas for work, he may have expected wife and kids to come spend vacation with him in Texas for all or part of the summer vacation.

Yeah, didn't she say that she's been following him around all this time? And that was basically her job? I'm not sure that she can just decide suddenly that she doesn't want to go anymore, if that's been how their marriage has been operating. Or, I guess she could, but then I don't think she can expect him to pay for her to continue the lifestyle they had together in DC.

I highly doubt a law partner wants full custody of the kids, or even partial custody. He didn't get to that point by being there all day for the kids. He might just want you to move somewhere cheaper.

[Anonymous]

If the kids are living with you and he's in another state, how can he prevent you from (a) moving to CA, (b) visiting your family. However, this sounds completely made up as no way he can afford two homes, especially one $4K apartment on a low level attorney salary. But, if you are for real, move back to CA, get a job and file for divorce and ask for alimony.

[Anonymous]

Most SAHM’s love where their spouse does, duh. I’m sure he thinks you are packing up to CA and never coming back, which is basically what you admitted to. If you don’t want to work, you have to follow the career of the earning spouse.

If you don’t want to move to Dallas, I’m curious how this marriage works out in your mind?

[Anonymous]

***live not love.