DH "banning" me from visiting my family with kids

[Anonymous]

Is OP in DC? Her family is in CA, her husband in TX. If she has no job and is dependent on others then she needs to move toneither TX or CA. What would keep her in DC? And OP needs to get a job ASAP. When you choose to put your spouse first this is why can happen. And she should be the first to file for divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, serious question: What was the agreement between you and your husband when he moved to Texas? Were you supposed to follow at the end of the schoo year, was he supposed to find housing and then you'd go, did you want to see if the new job worked out first?

I'm trying to understand how you stayed behind indefinitely with the kids in a $4k/month apartment while he moved to Texas. Why was the plan? He's telling you to move to Texas by next summer? Even that seems very far away.

I'm not criticizing, by the way. He doesn't sound like a nice person and you're in a tough spot. Understanding what the plan was originally will help us understand his (and your) thinking.

Good luck.

I don’t understand any of this either. And I’m a SAHM so no judgement there. But no way my DH would want to pay for 2 households any longer than was logistically necessary for the move.

I still think OP might be a troll.

[Anonymous]

Texas is awful, I don't blame OP at all.

[Anonymous]

OP, are there any friends or family nearby who could let you stay for a little while? Or a cheaper apartment in town that you could transfer to while you're getting answers to your questions? Housing is expensive, but it doesn't need to be as expensive as yours is now. You can also ask your attorney if associates can help so that your $ can be stretched farther - that really helped me when I divorced.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the entire thread and sorry if this has been mentioned, but do not move to TX. There's a cap on child support there and that may be part of the reason that your husband wants you to move there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is OP in DC? Her family is in CA, her husband in TX. If she has no job and is dependent on others then she needs to move toneither TX or CA. What would keep her in DC? And OP needs to get a job ASAP. When you choose to put your spouse first this is why can happen. And she should be the first to file for divorce.

What would keep her in DC? Here's a summary from the thread so far: If she moves to TX, her DH, who seems very quick to threaten divorce and throw his weight around because "I'm a lawyer," may still divorce her--only he'll have her in TX where divorce law may be more harmful to her than to him (as a couple of PPs say). If she moves to CA with their kids, the lawyer husband might use that against her in court too. In other words: A divorce looks pretty imminent no matter what and she shouldn't move the kids anywhere just now.

I'm not saying either case is legally accurate, just that those are scenarios PPs have brought up as potential reasons for her to stay put for the moment.

DH took a job that supposedly required him to move from DC to TX. The fact she didn't go with him seems to indicate the marriage was already shaky--at best. The threats to divorce her if she doesn't move to where he is sound like someone who already wanted out and made a move to force her into a choice where he could claim she's keeping the kids from him. Technically maybe she will be doing just that. But moving to either TX or CA now sounds like it would trigger other problems for her. She needs to get a better lawyer who can lay out what happens if she moves and advise her on filing first. And fast.

[Anonymous]

Make sure you consult with your family law attorney about the difference in divorce laws in between your current state, TX and CA. When my divorce attorney ran our financial info through a spousal support calculator, she told me that TX is the worst possible state in regards to spousal support. In MD, my law partner spouse would probably be ordered to pay me $12,000-13,000 per month for 10 years in spousal support. In TX, he’d pay less than $3,000 per month for 3 years.

[Anonymous]

My ex-wife did the exact same thing: tried to prevent, in writing, me from taking my children to visit their grandparents. My ex was also a lawyer. The judges we had really did not like that behavior.

Those advising the OP to move to another state are wrong. She should stay put and get a job. Moving the children to another state to attempt to get a better divorce will backfire, because judges see this strategy all the time and don't like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you need to file immediately. You need to get a judge involved and avoid a venue dispute with your ex. Even tho he has no right to proceed in TX, proving it is going to be annoying and expensive.

Get a lawyer, file in dC, divorce.

Do not move anyone - you or kids- to Texas.

I had a jerk coworker who moved to MD to work mon-Friday and sometimes go back to Nc for the weekends and his kids. He hated his wife. He did this long distance thing for two years. He told the company he wanted to make sure it was a good fit, plus he was working so hard.

Then he played her big time. He pleaded with her to transfer to MD so he could get promoted to partner and prove her was here for the long term. It’s be so good for them and lucrative potentially.

She moved up, he served her with MD divorce papers one month in. Now she is stuck. and is one of those states where divorced parents must both live within 50 or 100 miles of the kids and do 50/50 coparenting. In order to move you have to prove you need full custody or give up custody. I do not know the rule in dC or Va.

Now she is here, divorced, coparenting with an a hole, and away from her family in Nc. And he is dating anything with legs and raising his two girls to be bullies. Like him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had plans to see my family in California this month, like I have for every summer in the past 10 years. He is an attorney and wrote me an email, saying that I don't have permission to do it and that he's going to file for divorce and if I go to California on my vacation, I'll lose custody of the children.

I spoke to a lawyer who said that I can still do it since he hasn't filed or done anything yet, but I'm scared. Is my lawyer right?

Of course, to make it more complicated, my downtown apartment lease is up for renewal and I can't afford it anymore now that he has taken a job in Dallas and refuses to pay for it unless I agree to move to Dallas by next summer. So I almost need to temporarily move in with my family in California. But, again, he's not even allowing me to go to California.

How do stay at home mom with 2 very young children who have followed their husband to law school, clerkships, position after position, manage? When he made partner but only at a small firm back in his hometown in Texas and I didn't want to leave DC (or wanted to go to California), he basically had arranged it so I can't visit California and am forced to move to Texas.

I've been paying an attorney $400 per hour out of some money that I had before we got married but I can't keep doing it since I'll run out of money and I don't want him to know that I also have a lawyer yet since he says he plans to file for divorce oncei give him the name of my lawyer since he doesn't want to serve me in front of the kids. I just need to know:

(1) can I move out of this apartment of $4k/month that I cannot afford and that my husband refuses to pay for (since I am not moving to Texas) and move in temporarily with my family in California with the kids (free)?

(2) can I at least visit my family in California with the kids?

(3) do I need to renew the lease for $4k/month that I cannot afford when my husband has moved out and moved to Texas?

Sh*t that doesn’t make sense as written.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you need to file immediately. You need to get a judge involved and avoid a venue dispute with your ex. Even tho he has no right to proceed in TX, proving it is going to be annoying and expensive.

Get a lawyer, file in dC, divorce.

Do not move anyone - you or kids- to Texas.

I had a jerk coworker who moved to MD to work mon-Friday and sometimes go back to Nc for the weekends and his kids. He hated his wife. He did this long distance thing for two years. He told the company he wanted to make sure it was a good fit, plus he was working so hard.

Then he played her big time. He pleaded with her to transfer to MD so he could get promoted to partner and prove her was here for the long term. It’s be so good for them and lucrative potentially.

She moved up, he served her with MD divorce papers one month in. Now she is stuck. and is one of those states where divorced parents must both live within 50 or 100 miles of the kids and do 50/50 coparenting. In order to move you have to prove you need full custody or give up custody. I do not know the rule in dC or Va.

Now she is here, divorced, coparenting with an a hole, and away from her family in Nc. And he is dating anything with legs and raising his two girls to be bullies. Like him.

This is horrible. What an asshole. I truly believe people like this reap the negative that they sow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you need to file immediately. You need to get a judge involved and avoid a venue dispute with your ex. Even tho he has no right to proceed in TX, proving it is going to be annoying and expensive.

Get a lawyer, file in dC, divorce.

Do not move anyone - you or kids- to Texas.

I had a jerk coworker who moved to MD to work mon-Friday and sometimes go back to Nc for the weekends and his kids. He hated his wife. He did this long distance thing for two years. He told the company he wanted to make sure it was a good fit, plus he was working so hard.

Then he played her big time. He pleaded with her to transfer to MD so he could get promoted to partner and prove her was here for the long term. It’s be so good for them and lucrative potentially.

She moved up, he served her with MD divorce papers one month in. Now she is stuck. and is one of those states where divorced parents must both live within 50 or 100 miles of the kids and do 50/50 coparenting. In order to move you have to prove you need full custody or give up custody. I do not know the rule in dC or Va.

Now she is here, divorced, coparenting with an a hole, and away from her family in Nc. And he is dating anything with legs and raising his two girls to be bullies. Like him.

This is horrible. What an asshole. I truly believe people like this reap the negative that they sow.

Thiis is exactly what OP’s husband is doing. He is being selfish.
He checked out if marriage
He found a new job anywhere, one that was only good for himself, not his family.
He told his wife who knows what and moved to TX to work.
Now he is bullying his wife to move so he can divorce, get kid access for his reputation, and pay less alimony.
He will continue to put himself first. Not his kids. Not his wife or ex wife.

[Anonymous]

Since OP never returned, confirmation she is a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex-wife did the exact same thing: tried to prevent, in writing, me from taking my children to visit their grandparents. My ex was also a lawyer. The judges we had really did not like that behavior.

Those advising the OP to move to another state are wrong. She should stay put and get a job. Moving the children to another state to attempt to get a better divorce will backfire, because judges see this strategy all the time and don't like it.

Really, even though the OP doesn't have enough money to afford DC, and her DH moved to another state? Moving to California where her parents can help her financially seems perfectly reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you need to file immediately. You need to get a judge involved and avoid a venue dispute with your ex. Even tho he has no right to proceed in TX, proving it is going to be annoying and expensive.

Get a lawyer, file in dC, divorce.

Do not move anyone - you or kids- to Texas.

I had a jerk coworker who moved to MD to work mon-Friday and sometimes go back to Nc for the weekends and his kids. He hated his wife. He did this long distance thing for two years. He told the company he wanted to make sure it was a good fit, plus he was working so hard.

Then he played her big time. He pleaded with her to transfer to MD so he could get promoted to partner and prove her was here for the long term. It’s be so good for them and lucrative potentially.

She moved up, he served her with MD divorce papers one month in. Now she is stuck. and is one of those states where divorced parents must both live within 50 or 100 miles of the kids and do 50/50 coparenting. In order to move you have to prove you need full custody or give up custody. I do not know the rule in dC or Va.

Now she is here, divorced, coparenting with an a hole, and away from her family in Nc. And he is dating anything with legs and raising his two girls to be bullies. Like him.

This is horrible. What an asshole. I truly believe people like this reap the negative that they sow.

Thiis is exactly what OP’s husband is doing. He is being selfish.
He checked out if marriage
He found a new job anywhere, one that was only good for himself, not his family.
He told his wife who knows what and moved to TX to work.
Now he is bullying his wife to move so he can divorce, get kid access for his reputation, and pay less alimony.
He will continue to put himself first. Not his kids. Not his wife or ex wife.

In another possible version of this story:

- the DH is the sole wage earner
- the DH got a job in Texas, and moved out there on the understanding that OP and kids would join him
- Now OP is refusing to join him in Texas, and expecting him to pay for everything in DC,
- DH loves his kids and wants to live in the same state, which was the plan, until OP refused to move as agreed