Stuck in house with conservative in laws- help me keep my cool

[Anonymous]

My FIL is ranting about poor people (why should rich people pay for their education?), how northerners want to tear down history (confederate statues), and started in on how unpatriotic it is to go against th the president before I left the room. He’s prone to pontification and I just don’t know how to not engage he makes me so f’ing mad with his hateful ignorant bs. I don’t want my young glisten around this crap. Ridiculous thing is he’s an immigrant who’s lives in a northern state for 50 years. I feel terrible but all his achievements and live he’s given my family mean nothing to me because he’s a racist elitist person.

I have two more days. I’m hiding out in the garage with my kids. Somebody please give me a mantra to get through the next 48hoirs.

[Anonymous]

Forgive the myriad typos.

[Anonymous]

I try to think of what Stephen Colbert would do and it makes me laugh.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you just ask them not to talk about politics?

[Anonymous]

Op, you need to be more empowered than you are. My guess is you are staying with them which is a mistake. Further mistake if you don't have access to a car for yourself. Anyone can be tolerated when you find out what amount of time you can stand.

Please consider staying in a hotel next time, coming and going as you please.

[Anonymous]

Tried to stay at hotel but 13 years of precedent make that difficult. It would be an obvious snub. We do have a car. Can I really just leave from 3pm thru bedtime? Prob not. FIL is quite old, stubborn, hard of hearing (refuses hearing aid), and there is no way even with my strong personality I would do anything other than add fuel to the fire.

I like the Stephen Colbert idea! Sadly, I’ve just been thinking “your vote doesn’t count” (liberal state) and “you’ll be gone soon Anyway” which makes me feel evil.

[Anonymous]

Just say “the kids could use some air!,” kill time at the park, pick up some wine, and brace yourself for the convo to occur after the kids go to bed.

[Anonymous]

OP- I obv don’t know the history between you and your in-laws but let me play devil’s advocate for a bit.

The examples you listed aren’t racist. His opinion that rich people shouldn’t pay for poor people to go to college has some merits. Perhaps you could talk about parameters for college for those who can’t afford it. Maybe a required stem major so that kids aren’t graduating with degrees that they can’t find employment and $$$ in loans?

As for the presidential remark, I’m of the opinion that you salute the office, not the man (or woman). So, yes, you shouldn’t disrespect the president whatever his/her name may be.

Northerners (and southerners) do want to tear down confederate statues. There are some who believe that they are a tribute to America’s darkest time. There are others who think that removing them is an attempt to erase history without holding those accountable. I’m not comfortable personally with confederate statues but I see that it’s a slippery slope (will we eventually burn Mt Vernon to the ground due to its slave past?).

Bottom line is that your FIL has opinions and, while he may in fact be an awful person, nothing you mentioned above tells me that. He has strong opinions. Share yours and back them up with facts because feelings aren’t facts. You may be surprised that he may be more flexible than you thought.

[Anonymous]

The only way to win is not to play. Don’t engage on any level. Change the topic, go silent, leave the room, leave the house. Be absurd if you have to: “Oh look, the dog’s started a small fire. Again.” You can ask him not to raise politics, but until there’s a consequence, he’ll probably continue to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- I obv don’t know the history between you and your in-laws but let me play devil’s advocate for a bit.

The examples you listed aren’t racist. His opinion that rich people shouldn’t pay for poor people to go to college has some merits. Perhaps you could talk about parameters for college for those who can’t afford it. Maybe a required stem major so that kids aren’t graduating with degrees that they can’t find employment and $$$ in loans?

As for the presidential remark, I’m of the opinion that you salute the office, not the man (or woman). So, yes, you shouldn’t disrespect the president whatever his/her name may be.

Northerners (and southerners) do want to tear down confederate statues. There are some who believe that they are a tribute to America’s darkest time. There are others who think that removing them is an attempt to erase history without holding those accountable. I’m not comfortable personally with confederate statues but I see that it’s a slippery slope (will we eventually burn Mt Vernon to the ground due to its slave past?).

Bottom line is that your FIL has opinions and, while he may in fact be an awful person, nothing you mentioned above tells me that. He has strong opinions. Share yours and back them up with facts because feelings aren’t facts. You may be surprised that he may be more flexible than you thought.

This. And it's his house.

[Anonymous]

I would leave the room each and every time. For the sake of your children, you should stay in a hotel going forward.

[Anonymous]

Just tell him it makes you uncomfortable to talk with him about politics and ask him to stick to non-political discussion while you’re there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- I obv don’t know the history between you and your in-laws but let me play devil’s advocate for a bit.

The examples you listed aren’t racist. His opinion that rich people shouldn’t pay for poor people to go to college has some merits. Perhaps you could talk about parameters for college for those who can’t afford it. Maybe a required stem major so that kids aren’t graduating with degrees that they can’t find employment and $$$ in loans?

As for the presidential remark, I’m of the opinion that you salute the office, not the man (or woman). So, yes, you shouldn’t disrespect the president whatever his/her name may be.

Northerners (and southerners) do want to tear down confederate statues. There are some who believe that they are a tribute to America’s darkest time. There are others who think that removing them is an attempt to erase history without holding those accountable. I’m not comfortable personally with confederate statues but I see that it’s a slippery slope (will we eventually burn Mt Vernon to the ground due to its slave past?).

Bottom line is that your FIL has opinions and, while he may in fact be an awful person, nothing you mentioned above tells me that. He has strong opinions. Share yours and back them up with facts because feelings aren’t facts. You may be surprised that he may be more flexible than you thought.

This. And it's his house.

A) history is safe because of books
B) a good way to gauge whether you should remove a monument is to consider why it was put up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell him it makes you uncomfortable to talk with him about politics and ask him to stick to non-political discussion while you’re there.

Yeah except he’s of the age and attitude where he’s not interested in discussion. He just spouts off after watching Fox News all afternoon. He doesn’t care who’s around. Will take PP’s advice to leave room each and every time but had a very hard time getting my kids to come with me because I don’t want them hearing that garbage. If my original examples weren’t strong enough, let me just say that if you don’t wear a MAGA hat, his shared opinions would absolutely be offensive to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- I obv don’t know the history between you and your in-laws but let me play devil’s advocate for a bit.

The examples you listed aren’t racist. His opinion that rich people shouldn’t pay for poor people to go to college has some merits. Perhaps you could talk about parameters for college for those who can’t afford it. Maybe a required stem major so that kids aren’t graduating with degrees that they can’t find employment and $$$ in loans?

As for the presidential remark, I’m of the opinion that you salute the office, not the man (or woman). So, yes, you shouldn’t disrespect the president whatever his/her name may be.

Northerners (and southerners) do want to tear down confederate statues. There are some who believe that they are a tribute to America’s darkest time. There are others who think that removing them is an attempt to erase history without holding those accountable. I’m not comfortable personally with confederate statues but I see that it’s a slippery slope (will we eventually burn Mt Vernon to the ground due to its slave past?).

Bottom line is that your FIL has opinions and, while he may in fact be an awful person, nothing you mentioned above tells me that. He has strong opinions. Share yours and back them up with facts because feelings aren’t facts. You may be surprised that he may be more flexible than you thought.

The president is a literal traitor who disrespects women, nonwhites, immigrants, anyone who’s views differ from his, his country and human decency. Nobody owes that monster an ounce of respect. That’s not a biased opinion. It’s fact.