Stuck in house with conservative in laws- help me keep my cool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pretend you’re in college and the professor is off on a rant: did you get up in walk out of the room in a huff? Did you withdraw from the class? Did you make some absurd comment about the dog starting a fire? Whatever you did then, do now.

This is good advice. Except that you don’t have to stay in the room.

I would walk out of the room every time. And I would keep a book in paper form nearby.. When the rants start, you can lift up your book and read. Preferably something hardcover that can hide your face. Or even a newspaper. What does your DH do?

[Anonymous]

OP, I’d be more worried about your kids’ exposure to YOUR intolerant views than his. Let them hang out with their grandfather; they can use the balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- I obv don’t know the history between you and your in-laws but let me play devil’s advocate for a bit.

The examples you listed aren’t racist. His opinion that rich people shouldn’t pay for poor people to go to college has some merits. Perhaps you could talk about parameters for college for those who can’t afford it. Maybe a required stem major so that kids aren’t graduating with degrees that they can’t find employment and $$$ in loans?

As for the presidential remark, I’m of the opinion that you salute the office, not the man (or woman). So, yes, you shouldn’t disrespect the president whatever his/her name may be.

Northerners (and southerners) do want to tear down confederate statues. There are some who believe that they are a tribute to America’s darkest time. There are others who think that removing them is an attempt to erase history without holding those accountable. I’m not comfortable personally with confederate statues but I see that it’s a slippery slope (will we eventually burn Mt Vernon to the ground due to its slave past?).

Bottom line is that your FIL has opinions and, while he may in fact be an awful person, nothing you mentioned above tells me that. He has strong opinions. Share yours and back them up with facts because feelings aren’t facts. You may be surprised that he may be more flexible than you thought.

The president is a literal traitor who disrespects women, nonwhites, immigrants, anyone who’s views differ from his, his country and human decency. Nobody owes that monster an ounce of respect. That’s not a biased opinion. It’s fact.

The president is not a literal traitor and those Americans you mention have benefited greatly from his policies. There is a growing movement of American minorities who are tired of drinking the left wing kool-aid. You are going to have to come up with more than just name calling and throwing around feelings as facts. I suggested a way that OP could engage her FIL in some civilized conversation but it doesn’t sound like she’s interested in doing that OR she’s tried with no success. I’m not sure if OP implied that her in-laws are helping them financially but if they are, perhaps she should rethink taking money from someone who is as “close minded” as her FIL.

Then why is the Pentagon not giving him full briefings? Why has he obstructed justice for 2.5 years? What is he hiding? All the evidence is in plain sight. My guess is you haven’t read the mueller report, let alone anything outside of breitbart for a long time.

[Anonymous]

I love the people saying I should stay. Sure, no prob for me to let my kids listen to talk about how black people are lazy, women should fulfill their womanly duties, and other garbage like that. DH pushes back but as I said, FIL is hard of hearing and just gets going like a freight train and doesnt allow any back and forth. Am just leaving from now on. Have developed a code word for my kids so I don’t have to say “come, children, grandpa’s being an ignorant dick.” My kids are too young for this to be much of a learning experience. DH knows his parents have very little time left so I’m having a hard time expressing how I’ve lost all respect for them. It hasn’t always been like this, just the last 4 years or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One more thing... you mention that your FIL is an immigrant himself and has become successful. Think about it OP. Did he have any help? Of course he’s of the opinion that people should make it on their own. He’s not wrong!

Why is your opinion more relevant than his? As a first generation immigrant, isn’t his view on America and confederate monuments something to consider? Is he part of a privileged class just because he’s wealthy? Because he’s apolitically conservative?

He’s from a very wealthy family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tried to stay at hotel but 13 years of precedent make that difficult. It would be an obvious snub. We do have a car. Can I really just leave from 3pm thru bedtime? Prob not. FIL is quite old, stubborn, hard of hearing (refuses hearing aid), and there is no way even with my strong personality I would do anything other than add fuel to the fire.

I like the Stephen Colbert idea! Sadly, I’ve just been thinking “your vote doesn’t count” (liberal state) and “you’ll be gone soon Anyway” which makes me feel evil.

Wow to being happy his old age will take him out soon. He's your father-in-law.

Yeah, she's wishing her husband's dad would die. That actually is pretty evil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem intolerant OP. FIL doesn’t have a right to his opinion? Only yours counts ?

This. Op, this reminds me of the saying about liberal democrats - they claim to embrace diverse opinions, except those that are contrary to theirs.

I write that as a liberal Democrat from a family of very Republican men. When they go on, I engage in the conversation and counter with facts. Yes, there are times when I say ‘we are simply going to have to agree to disagree.’

Open your mind a bit.

This is the weirdest conservative talking point I’ve ever heard. Tolerance doesn’t mean you embrace bigotry. It never has and never will.

Thank you. I am dumbfounded by the people on here saying racist comments are fine because everyone can have their own opinion. No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tried to stay at hotel but 13 years of precedent make that difficult. It would be an obvious snub. We do have a car. Can I really just leave from 3pm thru bedtime? Prob not. FIL is quite old, stubborn, hard of hearing (refuses hearing aid), and there is no way even with my strong personality I would do anything other than add fuel to the fire.

I like the Stephen Colbert idea! Sadly, I’ve just been thinking “your vote doesn’t count” (liberal state) and “you’ll be gone soon Anyway” which makes me feel evil.

Wow to being happy his old age will take him out soon. He's your father-in-law.

Yeah, she's wishing her husband's dad would die. That actually is pretty evil.

Did you read how I said t made me feel bad? Are you saying you’ve never had dark thoughts? Sorry forgot this is he rabid dog board and the Nazi apologists seem to have found this thread. Ciao.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tried to stay at hotel but 13 years of precedent make that difficult. It would be an obvious snub. We do have a car. Can I really just leave from 3pm thru bedtime? Prob not. FIL is quite old, stubborn, hard of hearing (refuses hearing aid), and there is no way even with my strong personality I would do anything other than add fuel to the fire.

I like the Stephen Colbert idea! Sadly, I’ve just been thinking “your vote doesn’t count” (liberal state) and “you’ll be gone soon Anyway” which makes me feel evil.

Wow to being happy his old age will take him out soon. He's your father-in-law.

Yeah, she's wishing her husband's dad would die. That actually is pretty evil.

Did you read how I said t made me feel bad? Are you saying you’ve never had dark thoughts? Sorry forgot this is he rabid dog board and the Nazi apologists seem to have found this thread. Ciao.

The irony is that you think that you're a better person than he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tried to stay at hotel but 13 years of precedent make that difficult. It would be an obvious snub. We do have a car. Can I really just leave from 3pm thru bedtime? Prob not. FIL is quite old, stubborn, hard of hearing (refuses hearing aid), and there is no way even with my strong personality I would do anything other than add fuel to the fire.

I like the Stephen Colbert idea! Sadly, I’ve just been thinking “your vote doesn’t count” (liberal state) and “you’ll be gone soon Anyway” which makes me feel evil.

Wow to being happy his old age will take him out soon. He's your father-in-law.

Yeah, she's wishing her husband's dad would die. That actually is pretty evil.

Did you read how I said t made me feel bad? Are you saying you’ve never had dark thoughts? Sorry forgot this is he rabid dog board and the Nazi apologists seem to have found this thread. Ciao.

The irony is that you think that you're a better person than he is.

where did she say that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tried to stay at hotel but 13 years of precedent make that difficult. It would be an obvious snub. We do have a car. Can I really just leave from 3pm thru bedtime? Prob not. FIL is quite old, stubborn, hard of hearing (refuses hearing aid), and there is no way even with my strong personality I would do anything other than add fuel to the fire.

I like the Stephen Colbert idea! Sadly, I’ve just been thinking “your vote doesn’t count” (liberal state) and “you’ll be gone soon Anyway” which makes me feel evil.

Wow to being happy his old age will take him out soon. He's your father-in-law.

Yeah, she's wishing her husband's dad would die. That actually is pretty evil.

Did you read how I said t made me feel bad? Are you saying you’ve never had dark thoughts? Sorry forgot this is he rabid dog board and the Nazi apologists seem to have found this thread. Ciao.

The irony is that you think that you're a better person than he is.

where did she say that?

His opinions are so abhorrent to her that she finds herself wishing him dead.....I'd say she doesn't think too much of him, wouldn't you? I'm sure she not as fun to be around as she thinks she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tried to stay at hotel but 13 years of precedent make that difficult. It would be an obvious snub. We do have a car. Can I really just leave from 3pm thru bedtime? Prob not. FIL is quite old, stubborn, hard of hearing (refuses hearing aid), and there is no way even with my strong personality I would do anything other than add fuel to the fire.

I like the Stephen Colbert idea! Sadly, I’ve just been thinking “your vote doesn’t count” (liberal state) and “you’ll be gone soon Anyway” which makes me feel evil.

Wow to being happy his old age will take him out soon. He's your father-in-law.

Yeah, she's wishing her husband's dad would die. That actually is pretty evil.

Did you read how I said t made me feel bad? Are you saying you’ve never had dark thoughts? Sorry forgot this is he rabid dog board and the Nazi apologists seem to have found this thread. Ciao.

The irony is that you think that you're a better person than he is.

where did she say that?

His opinions are so abhorrent to her that she finds herself wishing him dead.....I'd say she doesn't think too much of him, wouldn't you? I'm sure she not as fun to be around as she thinks she is.

Nope.

“Sadly, I’ve just been thinking “your vote doesn’t count” (liberal state) and “you’ll be gone soon Anyway” which makes me feel evil.”

Big difference between reminding herself his time here is short (nowhere did she “wish” for it as you’re trying to spin) and wanting it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tried to stay at hotel but 13 years of precedent make that difficult. It would be an obvious snub. We do have a car. Can I really just leave from 3pm thru bedtime? Prob not. FIL is quite old, stubborn, hard of hearing (refuses hearing aid), and there is no way even with my strong personality I would do anything other than add fuel to the fire.

I like the Stephen Colbert idea! Sadly, I’ve just been thinking “your vote doesn’t count” (liberal state) and “you’ll be gone soon Anyway” which makes me feel evil.

Wow to being happy his old age will take him out soon. He's your father-in-law.

Yeah, she's wishing her husband's dad would die. That actually is pretty evil.

Did you read how I said t made me feel bad? Are you saying you’ve never had dark thoughts? Sorry forgot this is he rabid dog board and the Nazi apologists seem to have found this thread. Ciao.

The irony is that you think that you're a better person than he is.

where did she say that?

His opinions are so abhorrent to her that she finds herself wishing him dead.....I'd say she doesn't think too much of him, wouldn't you? I'm sure she not as fun to be around as she thinks she is.

Nope.

“Sadly, I’ve just been thinking “your vote doesn’t count” (liberal state) and “you’ll be gone soon Anyway” which makes me feel evil.”

Big difference between reminding herself his time here is short (nowhere did she “wish” for it as you’re trying to spin) and wanting it.

Would you like someone to be thinking of you in those terms? I'm guessing that FIL is going to outlast Op's marriage.

[Anonymous]

People like OP are why Trump won.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just ask them not to talk about politics?

"If you want to keep sharing your political views, you should be ready to hear mine." Personally, I'm very involved in organizing in my community. When relatives see my Black Lives Matter sign and hear about my work, it changes the conversation. They really don't want to engage with me, so they share their views less often. In some ways it's too bad because it's a lost opportunity to share views, but I have to listen to a lot less stuff from them.