My Wife Has Turned Mean

[Anonymous]

Damn OP. You could have been a hero if you would have run out and gotten the damn sauce you ordered extra of. HERO.

Meanwhile, put things back where they below. Heck, make tape labels on drawers of what goes where - that will be super helpful once grandparents, nannies, visitors are all clogging up your kitchen in house helping once the baby comes.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for OP. His wife is a whiny two year old who will soon have a newborn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t ever tell someone especially your wife pregnant or not that “it isn’t a big deal”. That’s incredibly patronizing. You offer to fix it.. and unless she wants you to beat the person who forgot the sauce up, you let her know that you’ll do whatever she needs. That’s just being a good husband, and yes, this is something most men need to learn. After all, you’d tell your sister “call them up” as you shovel food into your face... . that isn’t how you treat your wife though.

There will be a time when you’ll need to lovingly tell her “the washing machine is coming tomorrow” or “the car will get fixed tomorrow” because you can’t fix the problem, but you can and should fix what you can and the sauce was one of those things. It can be infuriating when a man tells a woman “it’s not a big deal” partly because the implication is that the woman doesn’t have a reason or even the right to be upset.. we should just be grateful we get to eat. Yes, on some level we should be grateful we get to eat, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have the right to be upset when our preferences were made clear and then ignored… especially when you are paying for the service. No take-out joint gives you food because they like you.



Even if you can’t fix a problem, you need to learn how to demonstrate that you are on her side. I was literally in tears when our washing machine broke. It hadn’t been working right for months, and one day it finally really broke. I was standing there crying and my son who is a preschooler said “It okay mommy, I’ll talk to Daddy tonight and we’ll get you a new one”. It was incredibly comforting. He understood I was upset, he knew I cared about the washer even if he didn’t know why, and he wanted me to feel better. Obviously a 4-year-old couldn’t solve that problem on a practical level, there was nothing he could do to make my life easier on a physical level, but he sure made it easier on a mental one.

With the baby items, let her buy what she wants. She’s excited and you saying “let’s get neutral items” just sounds like you don’t really care. That isn’t how you feel, but that’s how it sounds. As another poster said, she’s not able to buy a boy crib or carseat. This is also the only time she’ll have 100 percent control over what’s going on, she won’t be able to control the birth and she certainly won’t be able to control the kid when it gets here.. they have a way of making their preferences known. Let her have this experience and moment.

As for the sleeping, she probably isn’t sleeping well. If you want to sleep in the guest room do it out of love not meanness which is what it sounds like you’re doing. Women are going through pregnancy with very little physical comforts. My mom remembers having a drink (and she isn’t a big drinker) when she was pregnant back in the 1970’s. She said “I didn’t do it a lot, but when the world was p**ssing me off I’d have a drink, and nobody cared.. I was an adult and if I wanted wine or a martini that was fine”. I’m not encouraging your wife to drink, you just need to realize that if you move and wake her up, she may be up for the rest of the night.

Know that women change after they have kids. Taking a chance on an unreliable car used to be fun or at least tollerable, it became untenable with kids. I now care about what my kids are and are not exposed to in ways I never thought I would. I like that the only problem where we live is who’s dog escaped.. and that when a dog does escape, the kids in the neighborhood care enough to try to get him home. Before kids, this would have been “boring”. Your wife will care about things that you just won’t get.. partly because she’s a mom and that’s what us moms do.
Your wife isn’t being mean for being clear in what she wants.. she maybe could do it better, but she isn’t wrong. It’s easy to be sweet when it’s just you. She probably could be a little sweeter to you. You could also be sweeter to her. Maybe she’d prefer you go to bat for her about the sauce v. having you cook and clean? I get the sense that you are doing what you would want, not what she wants. Talk with her and make sure you aren’t buring yourself out on things she’s happy to do meaning that you don’t have the energy to step up when she could truly appreciate it.

+1

[Anonymous]

I feel for you OP. You expected to marry an adult/partner but ended up with a teenager that you’ll end up taking care of. Consider getting out while you can before you get too deep in the relationship.

[Anonymous]

My spouse never took my side. Even when our kid was getting physically bullied in a trip and he didn’t do a thing. Same thing when someone shoved me on the bus and grabbed my purse. Same thing when a teen lets his dog krap in our yard while we watch out the window.

I have to be the one advocating or taking action because I know he never will. In fact I’d he does anything it’s to put me or whatever family member is w him down and creep away. Pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Op, go out on some business trips or something. You guys need a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My normally sweet and loving wife is pregnant and has been having really bad mood swings. I know it’s normal and I try to be understanding. It’s really unbearable to be around get at times because she gets mad for no reason at all. She never cries but everything sets her off now. She has told me she doesn’t understand why but the pure sight of me makes her mad and that I need to leave her alone. I have contemplated sleeping in the guest room until the baby is here. I love her and I know it’s not her fault, but it’s going to be tough dealing with this for the next couple of months.

Of course it is. While people can't control how they feel at times, they can certainly control how they act.

[Anonymous]

OP, I know someone who was highly emotional and somewhat combative during pregnancy which was out of character. She was completely back to normal after her son was born.

[Anonymous]

You are so ridiculous OP I feel bad for your wife. She’s growing a person and a placenta and is carrying around weight exhaustion and hormones and god knows what else.
I thought you would say something like nasty name calling or throwing things but …disappointed over a sauce and asking for quiet as she can’t sleep? You are the kid in this scenario. You have no awareness of what others are going through and are diminishing others’ feelings.

Oh a meeting didn’t go well at work? It’s fine who cares?! You can’t sleep because neighbors are stomping around? Oh suck it up.

My husband was supportive attentive and validating at every step of my pregnancy and I was better for it. You’re a lame mean complainer. Not your wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are so ridiculous OP I feel bad for your wife. She’s growing a person and a placenta and is carrying around weight exhaustion and hormones and god knows what else.
I thought you would say something like nasty name calling or throwing things but …disappointed over a sauce and asking for quiet as she can’t sleep? You are the kid in this scenario. You have no awareness of what others are going through and are diminishing others’ feelings.

Oh a meeting didn’t go well at work? It’s fine who cares?! You can’t sleep because neighbors are stomping around? Oh suck it up.

My husband was supportive attentive and validating at every step of my pregnancy and I was better for it. You’re a lame mean complainer. Not your wife.

Throwing a tantrum over sauce is immature. OP’s wife doesn’t get a pass because she is pregnant. Being pregnant is not a disability or a reason to act like a child because she didn’t get what she wanted. It sounds like your husband validated you because you act like a brat when you don’t get your way and he doesn’t want to argue or deal with you.

[Anonymous]

She just doesn’t like you very much right now. It will pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are so ridiculous OP I feel bad for your wife. She’s growing a person and a placenta and is carrying around weight exhaustion and hormones and god knows what else.
I thought you would say something like nasty name calling or throwing things but …disappointed over a sauce and asking for quiet as she can’t sleep? You are the kid in this scenario. You have no awareness of what others are going through and are diminishing others’ feelings.

Oh a meeting didn’t go well at work? It’s fine who cares?! You can’t sleep because neighbors are stomping around? Oh suck it up.

My husband was supportive attentive and validating at every step of my pregnancy and I was better for it. You’re a lame mean complainer. Not your wife.

Throwing a tantrum over sauce is immature. OP’s wife doesn’t get a pass because she is pregnant. Being pregnant is not a disability or a reason to act like a child because she didn’t get what she wanted. It sounds like your husband validated you because you act like a brat when you don’t get your way and he doesn’t want to argue or deal with you.

OP did NOT say she threw a tantrum. Per OP, she "broke down" (meaning cried) because she didn't get the sauce. She only got mad because he told her it wasn't a big deal.

I'm guessing you're a man who has never been pregnant, but it's not unusual to cry over minor things when pregnant. It's not being immature, it's not throwing a tantrum, it's biological and can't be stopped. I cried multiple times a day when pregnant over the dumbest things. OP dismissing and invalidating her feelings gives her every right to be angry with him, that's not at all how you handle someone's sadness.

Literally all he had to do was say "I can't believe they messed up your order, I'm so sorry that happened. F***ers. Want me to go pick up the right sauce?" and honestly she probably wouldn't have even wanted him to go get it, she likely just wanted her feelings to be acknowledged and validated. Easy to do and OP would have walked on water.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are so ridiculous OP I feel bad for your wife. She’s growing a person and a placenta and is carrying around weight exhaustion and hormones and god knows what else.
I thought you would say something like nasty name calling or throwing things but …disappointed over a sauce and asking for quiet as she can’t sleep? You are the kid in this scenario. You have no awareness of what others are going through and are diminishing others’ feelings.

Oh a meeting didn’t go well at work? It’s fine who cares?! You can’t sleep because neighbors are stomping around? Oh suck it up.

My husband was supportive attentive and validating at every step of my pregnancy and I was better for it. You’re a lame mean complainer. Not your wife.

Throwing a tantrum over sauce is immature. OP’s wife doesn’t get a pass because she is pregnant. Being pregnant is not a disability or a reason to act like a child because she didn’t get what she wanted. It sounds like your husband validated you because you act like a brat when you don’t get your way and he doesn’t want to argue or deal with you.

OP did NOT say she threw a tantrum. Per OP, she "broke down" (meaning cried) because she didn't get the sauce. She only got mad because he told her it wasn't a big deal.

I'm guessing you're a man who has never been pregnant, but it's not unusual to cry over minor things when pregnant. It's not being immature, it's not throwing a tantrum, it's biological and can't be stopped. I cried multiple times a day when pregnant over the dumbest things. OP dismissing and invalidating her feelings gives her every right to be angry with him, that's not at all how you handle someone's sadness.

Literally all he had to do was say "I can't believe they messed up your order, I'm so sorry that happened. F***ers. Want me to go pick up the right sauce?" and honestly she probably wouldn't have even wanted him to go get it, she likely just wanted her feelings to be acknowledged and validated. Easy to do and OP would have walked on water.

++++++100000

crying does not equal a tantrum, crying is healthy

OP invalidated her feelings, this is what hurt her. Hopefully he learns this because he will need this skill when raising a child. As other's have pointed out, OP this would have been a perfect time to be the hero! validate her feelings, offer to get the sauce. You would have been king of the world in her eyes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are so ridiculous OP I feel bad for your wife. She’s growing a person and a placenta and is carrying around weight exhaustion and hormones and god knows what else.
I thought you would say something like nasty name calling or throwing things but …disappointed over a sauce and asking for quiet as she can’t sleep? You are the kid in this scenario. You have no awareness of what others are going through and are diminishing others’ feelings.

Oh a meeting didn’t go well at work? It’s fine who cares?! You can’t sleep because neighbors are stomping around? Oh suck it up.

My husband was supportive attentive and validating at every step of my pregnancy and I was better for it. You’re a lame mean complainer. Not your wife.

Throwing a tantrum over sauce is immature. OP’s wife doesn’t get a pass because she is pregnant. Being pregnant is not a disability or a reason to act like a child because she didn’t get what she wanted. It sounds like your husband validated you because you act like a brat when you don’t get your way and he doesn’t want to argue or deal with you.

I don’t act like a brat when pregnant because I own my shit and feelings but, it does sound like you’re a bi*ch so I don’t want to argue or deal with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are so ridiculous OP I feel bad for your wife. She’s growing a person and a placenta and is carrying around weight exhaustion and hormones and god knows what else.
I thought you would say something like nasty name calling or throwing things but …disappointed over a sauce and asking for quiet as she can’t sleep? You are the kid in this scenario. You have no awareness of what others are going through and are diminishing others’ feelings.

Oh a meeting didn’t go well at work? It’s fine who cares?! You can’t sleep because neighbors are stomping around? Oh suck it up.

My husband was supportive attentive and validating at every step of my pregnancy and I was better for it. You’re a lame mean complainer. Not your wife.

Throwing a tantrum over sauce is immature. OP’s wife doesn’t get a pass because she is pregnant. Being pregnant is not a disability or a reason to act like a child because she didn’t get what she wanted. It sounds like your husband validated you because you act like a brat when you don’t get your way and he doesn’t want to argue or deal with you.

I don’t act like a brat when pregnant because I own my shit and feelings but, it does sound like you’re a bi*ch so I don’t want to argue or deal with you.

DP, also a woman, and you’re obviously a giant, nightmarish bi*ch.