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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You don’t ever tell someone especially your wife pregnant or not that “it isn’t a big deal”. That’s incredibly patronizing.  You offer to fix it.. and unless she wants you to beat the person who forgot the sauce up, you let her know that you’ll do whatever she needs. That’s just being a good husband, and yes, this is something most men need to learn. After all, you’d tell your sister “call them up” as you shovel food into your face... .  that isn’t how you treat your wife though. 
  
There will be a time when you’ll need to lovingly tell her “the washing machine is coming tomorrow” or “the car will get fixed tomorrow” because you can’t fix the problem, but you can and should fix what you can and the sauce was one of those things.  It can be infuriating when a man tells a woman “it’s not a big deal” partly because the implication is that the woman doesn’t have a reason or even the right to be upset.. we should just be grateful we get to eat.  Yes, on some level we should be grateful we get to eat, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have the right to be upset when our preferences were made clear and then ignored… especially when you are paying for the service.  No take-out joint gives you food because they like you.

Even if you can’t fix a problem, you need to learn how to demonstrate that you are on her side. I was literally in tears when our washing machine broke.  It hadn’t been working right for months, and one day it finally really broke. I was standing there crying and my son who is a preschooler said “It okay mommy, I’ll talk to Daddy tonight and we’ll get you a new one”. It was incredibly comforting. He understood I was upset, he knew I cared about the washer even if he didn’t know why, and he wanted me to feel better.  Obviously a 4-year-old couldn’t solve that problem on a practical level, there was nothing he could do to make my life easier on a physical level, but he sure made it easier on a mental one.

With the baby items, let her buy what she wants. She’s excited and you saying “let’s get neutral items” just sounds like you don’t really care. That isn’t how you feel, but that’s how it sounds.  As another poster said, she’s not able to buy a boy crib or carseat. This is also the only time she’ll have 100 percent control over what’s going on, she won’t be able to control the birth and she certainly won’t be able to control the kid when it gets here.. they have a way of making their preferences known.  Let her have this experience and moment.

As for the sleeping, she probably isn’t sleeping well.  If you want to sleep in the guest room do it out of love not meanness which is what it sounds like you’re doing. Women are going through pregnancy with very little physical comforts.  My mom remembers having a drink (and she isn’t a big drinker) when she was pregnant back in the 1970’s.  She said “I didn’t do it a lot, but when the world was p**ssing me off I’d have a drink, and nobody cared.. I was an adult and if I wanted wine or a martini that was fine”. I’m not encouraging your wife to drink, you just need to realize that if you move and wake her up, she may be up for the rest of the night.

Know that women change after they have kids.  Taking a chance on an unreliable car used to be fun or at least tollerable, it became untenable with kids.  I now care about what my kids are and are not exposed to in ways I never thought I would.  I like that the only problem where we live is who’s dog escaped.. and that when a dog does escape, the kids in the neighborhood care enough to try to get him home.  Before kids, this would have been “boring”.  Your wife will care about things that you just won’t get.. partly because she’s a mom and that’s what us moms do.  
Your wife isn’t being mean for being clear in what she wants.. she maybe could do it better, but she isn’t wrong.  It’s easy to be sweet when it’s just you.  She probably could be a little sweeter to you. You could also be sweeter to her.  Maybe she’d prefer you go to bat for her about the sauce v. having you cook and clean?  I get the sense that you are doing what you would want, not what she wants.  Talk with her and make sure you aren’t buring yourself out on things she’s happy to do meaning that you don’t have the energy to step up when she could truly appreciate it.      [/quote]

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