My Wife Has Turned Mean

[Anonymous]

Count yourself lucky, OP. I was kinder and sweeter during the three years of pregnancy than I have been during the 15 years of non-pregnancy. When I don't viscerally need DH for the protection of my brood I revert back to the raging I am by nature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My normally sweet and loving wife is pregnant and has been having really bad mood swings. I know it’s normal and I try to be understanding. It’s really unbearable to be around get at times because she gets mad for no reason at all. She never cries but everything sets her off now. She has told me she doesn’t understand why but the pure sight of me makes her mad and that I need to leave her alone. I have contemplated sleeping in the guest room until the baby is here. I love her and I know it’s not her fault, but it’s going to be tough dealing with this for the next couple of months.

You have a wife and you're about to have a child. Time to grow up OP. You have a lot of responsibilities now, WAY beyond yourself and your job. Start focusing and doing your new responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, welcome to the rest if your life.

+1 A wife here, and, yes, at least the next few years. She can’t help it.

This is total crap. I have never nor have I ever heard of a pregnant woman at my office losing their shit so clearly it can be controlled. She may not be able to control how she feels but she can definitely control how she acts. When she's having a good day OP you need to sit her down and discuss this with her and tell her the way she's acting is not acceptable. Sorry, being pregnant doesn't give you a pass to be an asshole.

At your office? What does this have to do with your office? This is specific to the marital relationship. Hormones can make women mean, particularly to the person for whom they’re shouldering an enormous evolutionary burden.

The point is that if people can keep their shit together for 8 hours a day at the office they can do the same at home. As the other posted noted, more examples of what exactly constitutes being mean is necessary. Being in a bad mood is fine, losing her temper and yelling at OP is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, welcome to the rest if your life.

+1 A wife here, and, yes, at least the next few years. She can’t help it.

This is total crap. I have never nor have I ever heard of a pregnant woman at my office losing their shit so clearly it can be controlled. She may not be able to control how she feels but she can definitely control how she acts. When she's having a good day OP you need to sit her down and discuss this with her and tell her the way she's acting is not acceptable. Sorry, being pregnant doesn't give you a pass to be an asshole.

At your office? What does this have to do with your office? This is specific to the marital relationship. Hormones can make women mean, particularly to the person for whom they’re shouldering an enormous evolutionary burden.

The point is that if people can keep their shit together for 8 hours a day at the office they can do the same at home. As the other posted noted, more examples of what exactly constitutes being mean is necessary. Being in a bad mood is fine, losing her temper and yelling at OP is not.

I hate to break it to you, but a lot of people lose their sh*t at home because they’ve had to keep it together for 8 hours at office in order to pay the mortgage.
What an idiotic comparison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, welcome to the rest if your life.

+1 A wife here, and, yes, at least the next few years. She can’t help it.

This is total crap. I have never nor have I ever heard of a pregnant woman at my office losing their shit so clearly it can be controlled. She may not be able to control how she feels but she can definitely control how she acts. When she's having a good day OP you need to sit her down and discuss this with her and tell her the way she's acting is not acceptable. Sorry, being pregnant doesn't give you a pass to be an asshole.

At your office? What does this have to do with your office? This is specific to the marital relationship. Hormones can make women mean, particularly to the person for whom they’re shouldering an enormous evolutionary burden.

The point is that if people can keep their shit together for 8 hours a day at the office they can do the same at home. As the other posted noted, more examples of what exactly constitutes being mean is necessary. Being in a bad mood is fine, losing her temper and yelling at OP is not.

I hate to break it to you, but a lot of people lose their sh*t at home because they’ve had to keep it together for 8 hours at office in order to pay the mortgage.
What an idiotic comparison.

Right, they can keep it together but they choose not to. It is so misogynistic when people perpetuate this image of pregnant women as being completely driven by hormones and unable to control themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, welcome to the rest if your life.

+1 A wife here, and, yes, at least the next few years. She can’t help it.

This is total crap. I have never nor have I ever heard of a pregnant woman at my office losing their shit so clearly it can be controlled. She may not be able to control how she feels but she can definitely control how she acts. When she's having a good day OP you need to sit her down and discuss this with her and tell her the way she's acting is not acceptable. Sorry, being pregnant doesn't give you a pass to be an asshole.

At your office? What does this have to do with your office? This is specific to the marital relationship. Hormones can make women mean, particularly to the person for whom they’re shouldering an enormous evolutionary burden.

The point is that if people can keep their shit together for 8 hours a day at the office they can do the same at home. As the other posted noted, more examples of what exactly constitutes being mean is necessary. Being in a bad mood is fine, losing her temper and yelling at OP is not.

I hate to break it to you, but a lot of people lose their sh*t at home because they’ve had to keep it together for 8 hours at office in order to pay the mortgage.
What an idiotic comparison.

Right, they can keep it together but they choose not to. It is so misogynistic when people perpetuate this image of pregnant women as being completely driven by hormones and unable to control themselves.

See, and I find it misogynistic to expect women to tamp down their biological impulses so that their husbands don’t feel sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, welcome to the rest if your life.

+1 A wife here, and, yes, at least the next few years. She can’t help it.

This is total crap. I have never nor have I ever heard of a pregnant woman at my office losing their shit so clearly it can be controlled. She may not be able to control how she feels but she can definitely control how she acts. When she's having a good day OP you need to sit her down and discuss this with her and tell her the way she's acting is not acceptable. Sorry, being pregnant doesn't give you a pass to be an asshole.

At your office? What does this have to do with your office? This is specific to the marital relationship. Hormones can make women mean, particularly to the person for whom they’re shouldering an enormous evolutionary burden.

The point is that if people can keep their shit together for 8 hours a day at the office they can do the same at home. As the other posted noted, more examples of what exactly constitutes being mean is necessary. Being in a bad mood is fine, losing her temper and yelling at OP is not.

I hate to break it to you, but a lot of people lose their sh*t at home because they’ve had to keep it together for 8 hours at office in order to pay the mortgage.
What an idiotic comparison.

Right, they can keep it together but they choose not to. It is so misogynistic when people perpetuate this image of pregnant women as being completely driven by hormones and unable to control themselves.

See, and I find it misogynistic to expect women to tamp down their biological impulses so that their husbands don’t feel sad.

The point that I was responding to was that a woman "can't help it" as it she can't control how she acts (see the bolded above). And no, it's not ok for either spouse to regularly lose their temper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, welcome to the rest if your life.

+1 A wife here, and, yes, at least the next few years. She can’t help it.

This is total crap. I have never nor have I ever heard of a pregnant woman at my office losing their shit so clearly it can be controlled. She may not be able to control how she feels but she can definitely control how she acts. When she's having a good day OP you need to sit her down and discuss this with her and tell her the way she's acting is not acceptable. Sorry, being pregnant doesn't give you a pass to be an asshole.

At your office? What does this have to do with your office? This is specific to the marital relationship. Hormones can make women mean, particularly to the person for whom they’re shouldering an enormous evolutionary burden.

The point is that if people can keep their shit together for 8 hours a day at the office they can do the same at home. As the other posted noted, more examples of what exactly constitutes being mean is necessary. Being in a bad mood is fine, losing her temper and yelling at OP is not.

I hate to break it to you, but a lot of people lose their sh*t at home because they’ve had to keep it together for 8 hours at office in order to pay the mortgage.
What an idiotic comparison.

Right, they can keep it together but they choose not to. It is so misogynistic when people perpetuate this image of pregnant women as being completely driven by hormones and unable to control themselves.

See, and I find it misogynistic to expect women to tamp down their biological impulses so that their husbands don’t feel sad.

The point that I was responding to was that a woman "can't help it" as it she can't control how she acts (see the bolded above). And no, it's not ok for either spouse to regularly lose their temper.

That was me who wrote that, the same who’s been arguing with you since. It was slightly tongue in cheek, but not entirely. Women respond differently to changes in their hormones, and telling them to control their temper is no different than telling them to stop crying. My point to the OP was not to take it all personally, for I suspect his wife indeed feels at times like she can’t control it and is perhaps even letting off steam on a safe target because she’s grinning and bearing it everywhere else.

[Anonymous]

Definitely don't underestimate hormones. It's hard to adequately describe how powerful they can be. She really is doing the heavy lifting at the moment growing a human. Your entire body goes haywire doing pregnancy. I literally couldn't look at people's faces while they were talking for the entire pregnancy because it would give me vertigo and make me vomit. Your digestion is messed up, your organs are getting re-arranged, your sense of smell is askew, you swell up. The recent heat probably feels unbearable and you have constantly shifting aches and pains. She is likely getting crappy sleep on top of it all. Some people may enjoy pregnancy but for many, it's a really tough journey that we deem worthwhile to have babies.

I'm not saying all this to whine or complain but rather to give a full picture of what she may be going through as I do think a big dose of empathy as her partner can help both you and her cope in more productive ways. You may be surprised by how far supportive and kind gestures will go to making her feel better--making dinner and doing dishes while she takes a break, helping her with tasks like lifting or carrying things, encouraging her to take rests, taking initiative on grocery shopping or other errands. She will remember this kindness and thoughtfulness and I promise it will be worth it! Good luck--this time seems like it drags but it passes quickly and then you're on to the next chapter!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps it’s hormonal and she can’t help her mood swings but that’s no excuse for abusive behavior; pregnant women don’t get a free pass. Clearly it’s taking its toll on you and your relationship. Is it possible she’s experiencing prenatal depression or anxiety?

I’d it’s unrelenting enough that you are considering moving to the guest room then it’s time to have a conversation with her. I’m wondering if you are picking up the slack with household responsibilities, etc. - might she feel unsupported? Perhaps the dirty dishes in the sink that she usually overlooks are intolerable right now. Time to look inward and see if there’s anything more you could be doing.

OP here. I’ve taken over everything - cooking and cleaning, because I don’t want to her to have to stress about anything. We keep our house very clean. I don’t think it’s anything I’m doing. She will be very happy and sweet one day, and then mad for no reason the next day.

Have you spoken to her ob about this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps it’s hormonal and she can’t help her mood swings but that’s no excuse for abusive behavior; pregnant women don’t get a free pass. Clearly it’s taking its toll on you and your relationship. Is it possible she’s experiencing prenatal depression or anxiety?

I’d it’s unrelenting enough that you are considering moving to the guest room then it’s time to have a conversation with her. I’m wondering if you are picking up the slack with household responsibilities, etc. - might she feel unsupported? Perhaps the dirty dishes in the sink that she usually overlooks are intolerable right now. Time to look inward and see if there’s anything more you could be doing.

OP here. I’ve taken over everything - cooking and cleaning, because I don’t want to her to have to stress about anything. We keep our house very clean. I don’t think it’s anything I’m doing. She will be very happy and sweet one day, and then mad for no reason the next day.

Have you spoken to her ob about this?

if "mad" actually means grumpy ... then she has a reason! she is pregnant! it is uncomfortable!

[Anonymous]

Wait till she hits perimenopause. That's when the real fun begins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait till she hits perimenopause. That's when the real fun begins.

I was literally just going to say this. My marriage survived the three pregnancies but is not likely going to survive perimenopause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait till she hits perimenopause. That's when the real fun begins.

I was literally just going to say this. My marriage survived the three pregnancies but is not likely going to survive perimenopause.

Are you the husband or the wife? I’m a wife who was a bit of a nightmare to live with immediately post-pregnancies and on the front end of peri-menopause. I seem to have rounded the corner on peri/maybe heading into early-ish menopause and I’m so much nicer to my husband all of a sudden, without even trying. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

What a bunch of BS here.

Anyone’s prostate bothering them? 4am pee breaks??