Immigrant here with poor parents abroad

[Anonymous]

I am Indian and this is my situation. My mother(father has passed away) has never worked in her life and wants me(as a son) to take care of all her expenses. It's a lot and my sisters(one of them is super wealthy) doesn't like to help, nor my mom wants to take it from her.

I asked her to cut down her expenses but they keep on increasing and she is 69 and refused to go out and get a job in US, or India.

[Anonymous]

It's interesting that you grew up poor, your family is poor (and in need) but your DH ONLY has 100k in savings?

[Anonymous]

This won’t change much until *all* the adults stop crying about it and everyone takes some responsibility to actually DO something about this predicament. You need to tell your family that they need to stop waiting for you to be The One to rescue them because it’ll sink you, too, ruin your marriage and then you’ll all be drowning together with no one left to help.

Tell your DH what’s going on, if only so he can understand what’s going on with you. Show him your post here on DCUM and tell him it’s yours.

Start looking for a higher paying day job for yourself and take on a side job. Trim your household budget, sell extra stuff. Maybe your DH would be willing to get a second job, too, if only to help your own finances.

Send over the money only after you’ve saved it all in one lump sum so they don’t spend it on other things in the meantime. Send only the minimum that they say they need monthly to stay afloat because they might be taking a bit more advantage of your generosity than they’re letting on. They may think that since you’re in the USA, you’re rich and it’s easier for you. They should be showing you that they’re putting in as much effort as you are. If you have six adults working it requires just an average of $10K from each, which is a lot easier and faster than just one person working and having to save up the whole $60K alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are all adults. It is not your job to save them.

They are going to sink you too. I bet even if you sent them all the money they allegedly need, they would blow it and still not be able to make a living.

Only Americans think like this ^^^^

[Anonymous]

There is no reason why your sisters can’t earn enough to at least eat.

I don’t think you sending them 1k is actually helping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This won’t change much until *all* the adults stop crying about it and everyone takes some responsibility to actually DO something about this predicament. You need to tell your family that they need to stop waiting for you to be The One to rescue them because it’ll sink you, too, ruin your marriage and then you’ll all be drowning together with no one left to help.

Tell your DH what’s going on, if only so he can understand what’s going on with you. Show him your post here on DCUM and tell him it’s yours.

Start looking for a higher paying day job for yourself and take on a side job. Trim your household budget, sell extra stuff. Maybe your DH would be willing to get a second job, too, if only to help your own finances.

Send over the money only after you’ve saved it all in one lump sum so they don’t spend it on other things in the meantime. Send only the minimum that they say they need monthly to stay afloat because they might be taking a bit more advantage of your generosity than they’re letting on. They may think that since you’re in the USA, you’re rich and it’s easier for you. They should be showing you that they’re putting in as much effort as you are. If you have six adults working it requires just an average of $10K from each, which is a lot easier and faster than just one person working and having to save up the whole $60K alone.

Good advice. OP, you reject what everyone tells you. What are you hoping to get by posting here? There is no magic solution that gets you out of telling your husband, giving your mom and sisters a reality check, and tightening your budget. If you want to solve this problem without taking on more debt, that is what you have to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This won’t change much until *all* the adults stop crying about it and everyone takes some responsibility to actually DO something about this predicament. You need to tell your family that they need to stop waiting for you to be The One to rescue them because it’ll sink you, too, ruin your marriage and then you’ll all be drowning together with no one left to help.

Tell your DH what’s going on, if only so he can understand what’s going on with you. Show him your post here on DCUM and tell him it’s yours.

Start looking for a higher paying day job for yourself and take on a side job. Trim your household budget, sell extra stuff. Maybe your DH would be willing to get a second job, too, if only to help your own finances.

Send over the money only after you’ve saved it all in one lump sum so they don’t spend it on other things in the meantime. Send only the minimum that they say they need monthly to stay afloat because they might be taking a bit more advantage of your generosity than they’re letting on. They may think that since you’re in the USA, you’re rich and it’s easier for you. They should be showing you that they’re putting in as much effort as you are. If you have six adults working it requires just an average of $10K from each, which is a lot easier and faster than just one person working and having to save up the whole $60K alone.

Good advice. OP, you reject what everyone tells you. What are you hoping to get by posting here? There is no magic solution that gets you out of telling your husband, giving your mom and sisters a reality check, and tightening your budget. If you want to solve this problem without taking on more debt, that is what you have to do.

OP here. I have talked to my sisters but they are angry and think it is my job to get a loan and bail them out. Since I am married and live in the U.S. I am "rich" and I am a terrible selfish sister for a. not asking my husband for money and/or b. taking out a loan of a lump sum.

I make 63k a year. After taxes and benefits, I get about 1200 twice a month. I have been sending them up to 2k in the past few months but I am now completely empty and have been sending them $600 the past few cycles. They are annoyed that I do not send more and annoyed that I haven't swopped in to save them.

The only option for me seems to be to get a second job to see if I can send them more. But its a strange situation because, since my father is unemployed and 65 years old, they will keep accumulating 3k in rent per month even AFTER the 60k debt is paid. They need to downsize drastically and/or move to India where my $600 a month go farther.

[Anonymous]

Op is trying to get people to give her money.

I THINK IT'S A SCAM.

This is no different then "getting emails from a fake prince in Nigeria" asking for money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are all adults. It is not your job to save them.

They are going to sink you too. I bet even if you sent them all the money they allegedly need, they would blow it and still not be able to make a living.

Only Americans think like this ^^^^

Anyone who is in US is American and they have to think like this sooner or later. I am Indian and have found that giving anyone money for basic stuff might be ok but it also makes them more resentful if you stop giving them or spend on something nice for yourself. Culture is a lot different in other countries - they don't have 401Ks and saving for retirement in lower middle class was never a though. Raising good kids and expecting them to help you in the retirement age is the only thing they know. Super high level of emotional blackmail or public embarrassment is brought to you if there is anything you stopped doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This won’t change much until *all* the adults stop crying about it and everyone takes some responsibility to actually DO something about this predicament. You need to tell your family that they need to stop waiting for you to be The One to rescue them because it’ll sink you, too, ruin your marriage and then you’ll all be drowning together with no one left to help.

Tell your DH what’s going on, if only so he can understand what’s going on with you. Show him your post here on DCUM and tell him it’s yours.

Start looking for a higher paying day job for yourself and take on a side job. Trim your household budget, sell extra stuff. Maybe your DH would be willing to get a second job, too, if only to help your own finances.

Send over the money only after you’ve saved it all in one lump sum so they don’t spend it on other things in the meantime. Send only the minimum that they say they need monthly to stay afloat because they might be taking a bit more advantage of your generosity than they’re letting on. They may think that since you’re in the USA, you’re rich and it’s easier for you. They should be showing you that they’re putting in as much effort as you are. If you have six adults working it requires just an average of $10K from each, which is a lot easier and faster than just one person working and having to save up the whole $60K alone.

Good advice. OP, you reject what everyone tells you. What are you hoping to get by posting here? There is no magic solution that gets you out of telling your husband, giving your mom and sisters a reality check, and tightening your budget. If you want to solve this problem without taking on more debt, that is what you have to do.

OP here. I have talked to my sisters but they are angry and think it is my job to get a loan and bail them out. Since I am married and live in the U.S. I am "rich" and I am a terrible selfish sister for a. not asking my husband for money and/or b. taking out a loan of a lump sum.

I make 63k a year. After taxes and benefits, I get about 1200 twice a month. I have been sending them up to 2k in the past few months but I am now completely empty and have been sending them $600 the past few cycles. They are annoyed that I do not send more and annoyed that I haven't swopped in to save them.

The only option for me seems to be to get a second job to see if I can send them more. But its a strange situation because, since my father is unemployed and 65 years old, they will keep accumulating 3k in rent per month even AFTER the 60k debt is paid. They need to downsize drastically and/or move to India where my $600 a month go farther.

You need to tell them that you and your DH still have $100K in student loans that you have to pay off, too, and you won’t be able to get a $60K loan on top of that without doing serious financial harm to yourself and your marriage. They think you’re living on Easy Street and it seems that they’re too proud to get jobs they consider beneath them. If they’re so slow to help themselves, I wonder how dire their need really is.

You might be their retirement plan, and they like their lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op is trying to get people to give her money.

I THINK IT'S A SCAM.

This is no different then "getting emails from a fake prince in Nigeria" asking for money.

Where do you see that? Has she posted a GoFundMe?

[Anonymous]

You posted this mess before

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are all adults. It is not your job to save them.

They are going to sink you too. I bet even if you sent them all the money they allegedly need, they would blow it and still not be able to make a living.

Only Americans think like this ^^^^

Anyone who is in US is American and they have to think like this sooner or later. I am Indian and have found that giving anyone money for basic stuff might be ok but it also makes them more resentful if you stop giving them or spend on something nice for yourself. Culture is a lot different in other countries - they don't have 401Ks and saving for retirement in lower middle class was never a though. Raising good kids and expecting them to help you in the retirement age is the only thing they know. Super high level of emotional blackmail or public embarrassment is brought to you if there is anything you stopped doing.

+1, southeast asians' retirement plan is to rely on their kids when they get older.

[Anonymous]

how about open a gofundme account and try to scam some people into giving you the money? it's not going to work here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This won’t change much until *all* the adults stop crying about it and everyone takes some responsibility to actually DO something about this predicament. You need to tell your family that they need to stop waiting for you to be The One to rescue them because it’ll sink you, too, ruin your marriage and then you’ll all be drowning together with no one left to help.

Tell your DH what’s going on, if only so he can understand what’s going on with you. Show him your post here on DCUM and tell him it’s yours.

Start looking for a higher paying day job for yourself and take on a side job. Trim your household budget, sell extra stuff. Maybe your DH would be willing to get a second job, too, if only to help your own finances.

Send over the money only after you’ve saved it all in one lump sum so they don’t spend it on other things in the meantime. Send only the minimum that they say they need monthly to stay afloat because they might be taking a bit more advantage of your generosity than they’re letting on. They may think that since you’re in the USA, you’re rich and it’s easier for you. They should be showing you that they’re putting in as much effort as you are. If you have six adults working it requires just an average of $10K from each, which is a lot easier and faster than just one person working and having to save up the whole $60K alone.

Good advice. OP, you reject what everyone tells you. What are you hoping to get by posting here? There is no magic solution that gets you out of telling your husband, giving your mom and sisters a reality check, and tightening your budget. If you want to solve this problem without taking on more debt, that is what you have to do.

OP here. I have talked to my sisters but they are angry and think it is my job to get a loan and bail them out. Since I am married and live in the U.S. I am "rich" and I am a terrible selfish sister for a. not asking my husband for money and/or b. taking out a loan of a lump sum.

I make 63k a year. After taxes and benefits, I get about 1200 twice a month. I have been sending them up to 2k in the past few months but I am now completely empty and have been sending them $600 the past few cycles. They are annoyed that I do not send more and annoyed that I haven't swopped in to save them.

The only option for me seems to be to get a second job to see if I can send them more. But its a strange situation because, since my father is unemployed and 65 years old, they will keep accumulating 3k in rent per month even AFTER the 60k debt is paid. They need to downsize drastically and/or move to India where my $600 a month go farther.

OP, taking out a $60,000 loan would be disastrous for you. I don’t know how you would qualify for the loan on your income and with no collateral (ie house). It’s not like it’s a house or car loan. As many have posted before, you can sell items (your car), get a second job, and cut back. You asking what type of job seems very strange to me. You currently work and live in the USA, so you know what kind of jobs are available. Many stores have hiring signs out. You could also look for a hire paying job in your industry. But you certainly need to discuss this with your husband and let your sisters know that if they want to eat, they will work but $1,000 or 600 a month is all you have to give. I am from an immigrant family as well. That doesn’t excuse bad behavior or exploitation. Given your income you are already doing your best it seems.

In the event you take out the loan, you would have no more to give them once they move as you will need to pay hundreds a month. That will need to be made super clear to them. You definitely need to talk to your husband as the loan will affect buying a house and having children on top of current debt.