Immigrant here with poor parents abroad

[Anonymous]

Correction..look for a HIGHER paying job…

[Anonymous]

What does this 3K a month apartment look like? I still don't understand why they aren't evicted if they have so much back rent. Why wouldn't the lessor cut their losses?

[Anonymous]

You’re a loser and a scammer OP

[Anonymous]

Your father worked for the government - no pension?

Your sisters can leave the country and work elsewhere if there are no opportunities for them in the country they are in. They may not want to but that’s the way it goes. They can be angry all they want now. Once they are married they will understand and feel bad for the way they treated you. If they don’t want to work, they can consider marriage.

Don’t argue with them anymore. Send only the amount you can reasonably afford to send. As harsh as it sounds, when you are older, they won’t be there to support you so you need to have some savings to support yourself so don’t continually short change yourself.

Your mom can either go back home to visit relatives or bring her over on a tourist visa for a 6 month stay with you. This will reduce some of their immediate family expenses.

Verify they are telling the truth about what needs to be paid to the landlord. If true, Negotiate with the landlord or find someone in country to do it for you. come up with a pay off amount and your father agrees to leave or he stays and continues to pay and moves to a less expensive and smaller apartment. Oh and yes they could easily be exaggerating and/or just believe they know what will happen based on stories/rumors they have heard but actually have no real clue what the truth is.

No one in the US cares if your family is poor so don’t waste your energy on being embarrassed. Half of everyone’s parents were poor at some point.

There is one option you do have as well - drop the rope - walk away. No longer send money. No longer answer calls. Surprisingly, they will figure things out on their own even if you think they can’t. They can, they just don’t need to, so they don’t. Think about this- They managed to figure things out well enough to move to another country, find a place to live, go into debt, feed and clothe themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your father worked for the government - no pension?

Your sisters can leave the country and work elsewhere if there are no opportunities for them in the country they are in. They may not want to but that’s the way it goes. They can be angry all they want now. Once they are married they will understand and feel bad for the way they treated you. If they don’t want to work, they can consider marriage.

Don’t argue with them anymore. Send only the amount you can reasonably afford to send. As harsh as it sounds, when you are older, they won’t be there to support you so you need to have some savings to support yourself so don’t continually short change yourself.

Your mom can either go back home to visit relatives or bring her over on a tourist visa for a 6 month stay with you. This will reduce some of their immediate family expenses.

Verify they are telling the truth about what needs to be paid to the landlord. If true, Negotiate with the landlord or find someone in country to do it for you. come up with a pay off amount and your father agrees to leave or he stays and continues to pay and moves to a less expensive and smaller apartment. Oh and yes they could easily be exaggerating and/or just believe they know what will happen based on stories/rumors they have heard but actually have no real clue what the truth is.

No one in the US cares if your family is poor so don’t waste your energy on being embarrassed. Half of everyone’s parents were poor at some point.

There is one option you do have as well - drop the rope - walk away. No longer send money. No longer answer calls. Surprisingly, they will figure things out on their own even if you think they can’t. They can, they just don’t need to, so they don’t. Think about this- They managed to figure things out well enough to move to another country, find a place to live, go into debt, feed and clothe themselves.

This. It's time to play hardball with your sisters, OP. Don't send more money until they get over their whiny attitudes and start contributing the max.

Think about what your family would do if you were dead, OP. They would have to figure things out without you and your money, and they would find a way. Try to figure out what that would be and insist that they do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could pay off their debts but there seems to be little point in it if they are not actually willing to work afterwards.

So they can survive? That would be the point.

If none of these FIVE ADULTS are willing to have any job at all, they will just run up more debt and want OP to pay it.

OP, at least have them downsize to a one-bedroom apartment. Sorry but three bedrooms is not affordable for them and they should have realized it a lot earlier.

Op here. They’re rent right now is 3k a month in dollars. I make 63k here in the US and cannot pay their rent. They’ve accumulated about 30k in back rent over the past year and cannot vacate until they have paid it off. Whatever money I send goes into paying down the debt in addition to food for them. My mom never graduated college so she cannot work. My dad got laid off and cannot find work and he’s trying. My one sister finally got an internship that pays and will probably chip in some and my other sister also works and pays most of her salary towards their rent. But none of us collectively make enough yo pay off the passive loans and debt.

What?? That's even higher than your rent. They cannot live in that HCOL gulf country. Ask them to go back to their home country where I'm sure 1k a month would help them a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your father worked for the government - no pension?

Your sisters can leave the country and work elsewhere if there are no opportunities for them in the country they are in. They may not want to but that’s the way it goes. They can be angry all they want now. Once they are married they will understand and feel bad for the way they treated you. If they don’t want to work, they can consider marriage.

Don’t argue with them anymore. Send only the amount you can reasonably afford to send. As harsh as it sounds, when you are older, they won’t be there to support you so you need to have some savings to support yourself so don’t continually short change yourself.

Your mom can either go back home to visit relatives or bring her over on a tourist visa for a 6 month stay with you. This will reduce some of their immediate family expenses.

Verify they are telling the truth about what needs to be paid to the landlord. If true, Negotiate with the landlord or find someone in country to do it for you. come up with a pay off amount and your father agrees to leave or he stays and continues to pay and moves to a less expensive and smaller apartment. Oh and yes they could easily be exaggerating and/or just believe they know what will happen based on stories/rumors they have heard but actually have no real clue what the truth is.

No one in the US cares if your family is poor so don’t waste your energy on being embarrassed. Half of everyone’s parents were poor at some point.

There is one option you do have as well - drop the rope - walk away. No longer send money. No longer answer calls. Surprisingly, they will figure things out on their own even if you think they can’t. They can, they just don’t need to, so they don’t. Think about this- They managed to figure things out well enough to move to another country, find a place to live, go into debt, feed and clothe themselves.

This. It's time to play hardball with your sisters, OP. Don't send more money until they get over their whiny attitudes and start contributing the max.

Think about what your family would do if you were dead, OP. They would have to figure things out without you and your money, and they would find a way. Try to figure out what that would be and insist that they do it.

Agree with both posters.

Ask them for the landlord's contact info. They will balk. I can guarantee it. Like many other South Asian posters on here - we can all see your family is taking advantage of you and you're the golden ticket. My parents sent back TENS OF THOUSANDS to Pakistan for decades at the expense of their children - those relatives do not give a f and when my parents passed couldn't be bothered to call us.

Also - here's another idea. Tell them you lost your job. They will figure it out. It's not an American thing, it's a toxic South Asian family thing that you need to extricate yourself from if you want to save your marriage and financial future.

But you won't listen and you'll take out the loan.

[Anonymous]

8.1k USD is equal to what... 30k AED? Try again, OP.

[Anonymous]

Why do they live in such an expensive apartment? Surely they can find cheaper.

Your mother should look for a cleaning job or a babysitting or cooking job. Go wash some dishes. Do something.

[Anonymous]

Yeah the more I read this the more I think the next OP update is here is a go fund me or anyone want to help? This sounds like a scam.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are all adults. It is not your job to save them.

They are going to sink you too. I bet even if you sent them all the money they allegedly need, they would blow it and still not be able to make a living.

Only Americans think like this ^^^^

Anyone who is in US is American and they have to think like this sooner or later. I am Indian and have found that giving anyone money for basic stuff might be ok but it also makes them more resentful if you stop giving them or spend on something nice for yourself. Culture is a lot different in other countries - they don't have 401Ks and saving for retirement in lower middle class was never a though. Raising good kids and expecting them to help you in the retirement age is the only thing they know. Super high level of emotional blackmail or public embarrassment is brought to you if there is anything you stopped doing.

+1, southeast asians' retirement plan is to rely on their kids when they get older.

Same in some West African countries. Like literally my uncle has said he is waiting to retire until his son is done with graduate school and has a job. Not because he is paying his son’s tuition but because he wants his son to pay for everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just realized you don’t mention a husband or kids. How old are you?

I think you can only send them what you can. Your sisters need to step up.

Op here. I have an American husband, which is why I have been able to send over as much of my paycheck as I have been. My parents are too embarrassed to get my husband involved and I don’t feel bailing out my parents is his responsibility. Needless to say, he isn’t really rich so 60k is a lot of his hard earned money.

Is he American and not Indian American?

Wtf? It’s not an either/or. If he is American, he is American.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just realized you don’t mention a husband or kids. How old are you?

I think you can only send them what you can. Your sisters need to step up.

Op here. I have an American husband, which is why I have been able to send over as much of my paycheck as I have been. My parents are too embarrassed to get my husband involved and I don’t feel bailing out my parents is his responsibility. Needless to say, he isn’t really rich so 60k is a lot of his hard earned money.

Is he American and not Indian American?

Wtf? It’s not an either/or. If he is American, he is American.

That's what they call white people.