Immigrant here with poor parents abroad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just realized you don’t mention a husband or kids. How old are you?

I think you can only send them what you can. Your sisters need to step up.

Op here. I have an American husband, which is why I have been able to send over as much of my paycheck as I have been. My parents are too embarrassed to get my husband involved and I don’t feel bailing out my parents is his responsibility. Needless to say, he isn’t really rich so 60k is a lot of his hard earned money.

So does he have 60k? How much does he earn?

Do you have kids?

I hope he is supportive and doesn’t resent you or your family for this situation.

Yes he does. We do not have children yet. He is supportive but he’s American so I think he doesn’t quite understand their predicament and desperation. I’ve also not told him the specifics as he wouldn’t really get it as an American. I’m also so embarrassed my family is so poor

I cannot believe you are on here asking for ways to bail your family out when your DH has the money. It is sad that you can’t talk to your husband about this.

At the same time, maybe you are afraid it will cause marital problems or else you probably would have told/asked him.

The obvious thing to do is ask your DH for the money. If he truly loves you, he would help your family. How can you ask strangers on a go fund me before asking your own DH.

Well my husband isn’t made of money. He only has like 100k in savings working very hard. And he hasn’t met my family yet even. I don’t really know how to ask him for such a huge favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just realized you don’t mention a husband or kids. How old are you?

I think you can only send them what you can. Your sisters need to step up.

Op here. I have an American husband, which is why I have been able to send over as much of my paycheck as I have been. My parents are too embarrassed to get my husband involved and I don’t feel bailing out my parents is his responsibility. Needless to say, he isn’t really rich so 60k is a lot of his hard earned money.

So does he have 60k? How much does he earn?

Do you have kids?

I hope he is supportive and doesn’t resent you or your family for this situation.

Yes he does. We do not have children yet. He is supportive but he’s American so I think he doesn’t quite understand their predicament and desperation. I’ve also not told him the specifics as he wouldn’t really get it as an American. I’m also so embarrassed my family is so poor

Is it actually the poverty, or is it the bad decisions, that embarrasses you?

Many poor people just don’t have savings. They are one emergency away from catastrophe.

I posted above that we support my family. My mom had cancer and my dad has had too many health problems to list. We are financially able to support them. We would probably have a beach house or some luxury if we didn’t support my parents. If we didn’t have the means, we would probably have them just live with us. This is why so many immigrants and minorities live in multigenerational homes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just realized you don’t mention a husband or kids. How old are you?

I think you can only send them what you can. Your sisters need to step up.

Op here. I have an American husband, which is why I have been able to send over as much of my paycheck as I have been. My parents are too embarrassed to get my husband involved and I don’t feel bailing out my parents is his responsibility. Needless to say, he isn’t really rich so 60k is a lot of his hard earned money.

So does he have 60k? How much does he earn?

Do you have kids?

I hope he is supportive and doesn’t resent you or your family for this situation.

Yes he does. We do not have children yet. He is supportive but he’s American so I think he doesn’t quite understand their predicament and desperation. I’ve also not told him the specifics as he wouldn’t really get it as an American. I’m also so embarrassed my family is so poor

I cannot believe you are on here asking for ways to bail your family out when your DH has the money. It is sad that you can’t talk to your husband about this.

At the same time, maybe you are afraid it will cause marital problems or else you probably would have told/asked him.

The obvious thing to do is ask your DH for the money. If he truly loves you, he would help your family. How can you ask strangers on a go fund me before asking your own DH.

Well my husband isn’t made of money. He only has like 100k in savings working very hard. And he hasn’t met my family yet even. I don’t really know how to ask him for such a huge favor.

You have to tell him. I feel like not telling him is also a betrayal.

I would be pretty upset if I found out my spouse took a huge loan to pay off his parent’s debt. I can’t imagine not sharing my worries with my spouse.

[Anonymous]

How much does your DH earn? How much do you earn? Do you own a home? Have a mortgage? How old are you and your spouse?

I would talk to your husband and discuss you taking out a loan. I would not do this behind his back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much does your DH earn? How much do you earn? Do you own a home? Have a mortgage? How old are you and your spouse?

I would talk to your husband and discuss you taking out a loan. I would not do this behind his back.

She only earns 65k. Maybe 3k/month take home pay. Already sending family 1k a month to eat.

OP, they are FIVE adults, boots on the ground over there. Your father, mother, and unemployed sister need to put their pride away and get any jobs they can to chip away at their debt. It's 4 or 5 adults, right???? Your mom needs to get off her butt and W-O-R-K. Even if it is for $10/hour.

[Anonymous]

Does your family have their passports? They should go back to their home country.

[Anonymous]

OP posted the exact same thread one year ago and never replied when a poster asked her if she had taken the advice she got earlier. I’m calling troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much does your DH earn? How much do you earn? Do you own a home? Have a mortgage? How old are you and your spouse?

I would talk to your husband and discuss you taking out a loan. I would not do this behind his back.

I have ran the idea by him but he says it’s too much for me to take on a loan of 60k and since I don’t make much money and am sending a big chunk of it home I wouldn’t be able to pay it back. He also has 100k student loans and we don’t have a house yet so we need to save.

He has tried to see it he can help my dad out but it’s like 10k. I haven’t asked him to give it to him yet as it’s a last resort type of thing and I feel awful trying to get him involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this won’t be a popular opinion on DCUM but I would take out the loan and pretend it was a student loan. But ONLY if they agreed to leave.

Practicality aside, This isn't a thing. Like I don't know how you could legally do it. Places like Discover require you to be enrolled somewhere to get a private loan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much does your DH earn? How much do you earn? Do you own a home? Have a mortgage? How old are you and your spouse?

I would talk to your husband and discuss you taking out a loan. I would not do this behind his back.

I have ran the idea by him but he says it’s too much for me to take on a loan of 60k and since I don’t make much money and am sending a big chunk of it home I wouldn’t be able to pay it back. He also has 100k student loans and we don’t have a house yet so we need to save.

He has tried to see it he can help my dad out but it’s like 10k. I haven’t asked him to give it to him yet as it’s a last resort type of thing and I feel awful trying to get him involved.

Why hasn’t your family moved back to India?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much does your DH earn? How much do you earn? Do you own a home? Have a mortgage? How old are you and your spouse?

I would talk to your husband and discuss you taking out a loan. I would not do this behind his back.

I have ran the idea by him but he says it’s too much for me to take on a loan of 60k and since I don’t make much money and am sending a big chunk of it home I wouldn’t be able to pay it back. He also has 100k student loans and we don’t have a house yet so we need to save.

He has tried to see it he can help my dad out but it’s like 10k. I haven’t asked him to give it to him yet as it’s a last resort type of thing and I feel awful trying to get him involved.

Why hasn’t your family moved back to India?

They need the pay all of the rent before they can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much does your DH earn? How much do you earn? Do you own a home? Have a mortgage? How old are you and your spouse?

I would talk to your husband and discuss you taking out a loan. I would not do this behind his back.

I have ran the idea by him but he says it’s too much for me to take on a loan of 60k and since I don’t make much money and am sending a big chunk of it home I wouldn’t be able to pay it back. He also has 100k student loans and we don’t have a house yet so we need to save.

He has tried to see it he can help my dad out but it’s like 10k. I haven’t asked him to give it to him yet as it’s a last resort type of thing and I feel awful trying to get him involved.

Why hasn’t your family moved back to India?

They need the pay all of the rent before they can.

But the debt keeps increasing and they can’t pay it off. Will they get evicted? Is the government making them stay in the country? Won’t it be better if they just leave?

[Anonymous]

Why don’t they sublet the expensive apartment and move to a cheaper place? Or rent the other two rooms in the expensive place? They have to get creative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t they sublet the expensive apartment and move to a cheaper place? Or rent the other two rooms in the expensive place? They have to get creative.

They can’t I think as the building has a guard outside that’s in conversation with the landlord.

I honestly don’t know what to do besides put myself in debt but even then, can I take a loan for this purpose? And send it abroad? Would it even be legal?

I just have so much anxiety as I love my family very much. If my husband was worth 500k or something yes I’d ask him for 20k or something…but it fees exploitative to ask him for a big sum given he doesn’t have much. And he’s saving it for a downpayment for us.

[Anonymous]

They are all adults. It is not your job to save them.

They are going to sink you too. I bet even if you sent them all the money they allegedly need, they would blow it and still not be able to make a living.