Why or why not have a 4th child?
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Anonymous
| Our kids are 7, 4, 2. I thought I wanted 4 (I’m one of four and loved it). We are done at 3. I’m not sure if it was the pandemic or just that three is a lot of kids for two working parents without local family to help. I just realized we hardly have enough time with each of the 3. I think the oldest just starting to get active in sports helped me understand that while their needs change, they still need a lot of us even as they age! |
Anonymous
Eh, I also stopped at two, but fertility rates are dropping around the world. The US fertility rate is at its lowest level ever, for a variety of reasons. It would make a bigger difference if affluent people stopped flying for the rest of their lives and started growing their own food, but few are willing to do that. It's much easier to point fingers at families with four children and claim they're the problem. |
Anonymous
| My friend went from 3 to 4 and she frequently tells me how she has no time for the 4th. Quite frankly, she and her husband were happiest with 2. Each child got plenty of 1:1 time and attention. Now they are too exhausted and being dragged in too many directions to care. |
Anonymous
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My advice is always- if you’re on the fence then you actually want another one and should go ahead sooner rather than later. You’ll know when you’re done-zo. It will be very clear emotionally. Another thing is that only outsiders seem to say - oh, that family shouldn’t have had one more, or were happier with only 2 or 3. Ask the person who had the kids and they’ll always say they were glad of it. We have four, no local support and just barely enough income (for around here, that is!!) and it’s been great. 1 and 3 are so alike as are 2 and 4. But then sometimes they buddy up along gender lines instead. Love the teen hangout years now- they are awesome together and it gives me a good feeling to know they’ll have each other after we’re gone.
When I wasn’t sure about going to four, but someone gave me that advice (you’ll know when you’re done) I just went off BC and I got pregnant almost immediately. I liked the idea that it was meant to happen in that case…. Then after 4, we immediately took more permanent measures because we knew. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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I have 3 and didn't feel done. I yearned for a 4th kid but it never happened (fertility issues and we decided against treatment since it was a fourth kid). But I really did not feel done -I felt like someone was missing for quite some time
however, now my 3 kids are aged 12-15 and I am exceedingly my glad I only have 3. Kids get MUCH busier as they get older. I am maxed out with 3. |
Anonymous
As long as I don't have to support them, you can have 30! |
Anonymous
We all support them and suffer the consequences |
Anonymous
You know why extended families mainly female members have done this is because of patriarchy and women having no other purpose but breeding. Someone has to care for a child daycare, nanny or sahp. Big difference between that and using family because you have had too many kids that you can't find time to spend with them unless you oaen them off on grandparents |
Anonymous
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Teenagers are twice the work of little ones.
Also, the environment. |
Anonymous
| I find big families oddly narcissistic. Pretty much any rationale boils down to selfishness. |
Anonymous
I'm a SAHM with three older kids (no local family) and I can assure you it's a lot for all of us  and yes, especially if they do sports or other intense extracurriculars!
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Anonymous
-1. NP. Outsourcing is all the same, whether it's through extended family or paid support. |
Anonymous
That's interesting, I've only known people who are 1 of 4 who loved it. I still stopped at 3 though, because that was enough for me as a parent. |
Anonymous
Would never admit this IRL but I agree with you. |