Why or why not have a 4th child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had five kids in my family. I remember crying when my parents told me we they were having #5. I was the oldest and already felt they never had time for me or wanted to do anything just with me.

So how many do you have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who is contemplating more kids right now?! I had my third last year during virtual school abridged daycare hours quarantine hell and am like hmmm maybe I should have stuck with one.

I have 2 and still want three. My kids aren’t school aged yet and I’m a sahm so last year wasn’t too bad for us. I might feel differently if this wasn’t the case, though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fires in California
The ocean was recently on fire
Hottest summers on record each year for the past decade
Methane leak from the thawing permafrost in Siberia
Dengue and other diseases are creeping north
1/3 of amphibians will be extinct in our lifetimes
Increasing droughts worldwide
I could go on and on

Wow. You need help.

Nope, you need need a reality check about overpopulation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had five kids in my family. I remember crying when my parents told me we they were having #5. I was the oldest and already felt they never had time for me or wanted to do anything just with me.

So how many do you have?

I have three. I now (many years later) feel we should have stopped at two, but I can’t take it back. My husband was happy with two, but open to the third and I felt I really wanted the third.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had five kids in my family. I remember crying when my parents told me we they were having #5. I was the oldest and already felt they never had time for me or wanted to do anything just with me.

Some parents prefer Quantity over Quality. They forget that kids need their parents more, not less as they get older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We stopped at 4 because the 3rd was hell on earth. Love my little firecracker, but I wasn't taking a chance on a repeat.

My 3rd is a firecracker too but we ended up going for the 4th because I couldn’t kick the feeling that our family was not complete with 3. Fwiw the 4th is so chill and the older ones adore him, but there were no guarantees.

That “feeling” was the main reason I wanted to go for the 4th, plus we moved to a lower COL area with grandparents nearby, and I got a more flexible job, so I felt like we could handle it. Having active and involved grandparents around is a game changer because they spend one on one time with the kids which gives DH and I more individual time with the kids too. We also have wide spacing between the kids, all 3-5 years apart, so that helps give us opportunities for individual activities with each kid too.

I’m really happy with our decision, but I think it really helps that the 4th is so easygoing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We stopped at 4 because the 3rd was hell on earth. Love my little firecracker, but I wasn't taking a chance on a repeat.

My 3rd is a firecracker too but we ended up going for the 4th because I couldn’t kick the feeling that our family was not complete with 3. Fwiw the 4th is so chill and the older ones adore him, but there were no guarantees.

That “feeling” was the main reason I wanted to go for the 4th, plus we moved to a lower COL area with grandparents nearby, and I got a more flexible job, so I felt like we could handle it. Having active and involved grandparents around is a game changer because they spend one on one time with the kids which gives DH and I more individual time with the kids too. We also have wide spacing between the kids, all 3-5 years apart, so that helps give us opportunities for individual activities with each kid too.

I’m really happy with our decision, but I think it really helps that the 4th is so easygoing.

If you are relying on grandparents and older kids you aren't really handling it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We stopped at 4 because the 3rd was hell on earth. Love my little firecracker, but I wasn't taking a chance on a repeat.

My 3rd is a firecracker too but we ended up going for the 4th because I couldn’t kick the feeling that our family was not complete with 3. Fwiw the 4th is so chill and the older ones adore him, but there were no guarantees.

That “feeling” was the main reason I wanted to go for the 4th, plus we moved to a lower COL area with grandparents nearby, and I got a more flexible job, so I felt like we could handle it. Having active and involved grandparents around is a game changer because they spend one on one time with the kids which gives DH and I more individual time with the kids too. We also have wide spacing between the kids, all 3-5 years apart, so that helps give us opportunities for individual activities with each kid too.

I’m really happy with our decision, but I think it really helps that the 4th is so easygoing.

If you are relying on grandparents and older kids you aren't really handling it.

? That’s like saying a dual career family with daycare or a nanny isn’t really “handling it.”

[Anonymous]

There was no way in hell I was going to have 4 children. The thought of anything more than 2 made me sick, and quite frankly I wasn't would on 2 either. One and done and super happy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We stopped at 4 because the 3rd was hell on earth. Love my little firecracker, but I wasn't taking a chance on a repeat.

My 3rd is a firecracker too but we ended up going for the 4th because I couldn’t kick the feeling that our family was not complete with 3. Fwiw the 4th is so chill and the older ones adore him, but there were no guarantees.

That “feeling” was the main reason I wanted to go for the 4th, plus we moved to a lower COL area with grandparents nearby, and I got a more flexible job, so I felt like we could handle it. Having active and involved grandparents around is a game changer because they spend one on one time with the kids which gives DH and I more individual time with the kids too. We also have wide spacing between the kids, all 3-5 years apart, so that helps give us opportunities for individual activities with each kid too.

I’m really happy with our decision, but I think it really helps that the 4th is so easygoing.

If you are relying on grandparents and older kids you aren't really handling it.

? That’s like saying a dual career family with daycare or a nanny isn’t really “handling it.”

Noce try , but no. PP says she has to have grandparents be extra involved so she and DH can spend individual time with her kids not the same as using a service so you can work to provide for you kids food and shelter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We stopped at 4 because the 3rd was hell on earth. Love my little firecracker, but I wasn't taking a chance on a repeat.

My 3rd is a firecracker too but we ended up going for the 4th because I couldn’t kick the feeling that our family was not complete with 3. Fwiw the 4th is so chill and the older ones adore him, but there were no guarantees.

That “feeling” was the main reason I wanted to go for the 4th, plus we moved to a lower COL area with grandparents nearby, and I got a more flexible job, so I felt like we could handle it. Having active and involved grandparents around is a game changer because they spend one on one time with the kids which gives DH and I more individual time with the kids too. We also have wide spacing between the kids, all 3-5 years apart, so that helps give us opportunities for individual activities with each kid too.

I’m really happy with our decision, but I think it really helps that the 4th is so easygoing.

If you are relying on grandparents and older kids you aren't really handling it.

? That’s like saying a dual career family with daycare or a nanny isn’t really “handling it.”

You are outsourcing but with 4 kids both parents working how much time does each kid get?

[Anonymous]

We have 4, span of ages 9-2.

The pandemic took a bit toll on us as my husband worked in person and I was furloughed to work at home and take care of the kids- homeschooling and everything on my shoulders. I went crazy for a bit there with all this responsibility and no support.

Take that into consideration when deciding- we are in a different post pandemic world landscape and parents have zero support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fires in California
The ocean was recently on fire
Hottest summers on record each year for the past decade
Methane leak from the thawing permafrost in Siberia
Dengue and other diseases are creeping north
1/3 of amphibians will be extinct in our lifetimes
Increasing droughts worldwide
I could go on and on

Wow. You need help.

Nope, you need need a reality check about overpopulation.

+1

I have 2 kids and came here to basically write this. I love kids and am not some childfree curmudgeon. However, there's a fine line between enough and too many. I cringe at the amount of "stuff" generated by my kids, and that's with a concerted effort to reduce consumption and reuse as much as possible. Think about the kind of world your 4+ kids will inherit.

[Anonymous]

$$$$$$

College alone is 300k for one

We have 3 so we’re saving a million just for that. It’s sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We stopped at 4 because the 3rd was hell on earth. Love my little firecracker, but I wasn't taking a chance on a repeat.

My 3rd is a firecracker too but we ended up going for the 4th because I couldn’t kick the feeling that our family was not complete with 3. Fwiw the 4th is so chill and the older ones adore him, but there were no guarantees.

That “feeling” was the main reason I wanted to go for the 4th, plus we moved to a lower COL area with grandparents nearby, and I got a more flexible job, so I felt like we could handle it. Having active and involved grandparents around is a game changer because they spend one on one time with the kids which gives DH and I more individual time with the kids too. We also have wide spacing between the kids, all 3-5 years apart, so that helps give us opportunities for individual activities with each kid too.

I’m really happy with our decision, but I think it really helps that the 4th is so easygoing.

If you are relying on grandparents and older kids you aren't really handling it.

? That’s like saying a dual career family with daycare or a nanny isn’t really “handling it.”

Noce try , but no. PP says she has to have grandparents be extra involved so she and DH can spend individual time with her kids not the same as using a service so you can work to provide for you kids food and shelter.

Does the patriarchy pay you extra for shaming women for having an involved extended family?