Overly involved inlaws who are a nuisance at kids activities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I don't blame your husband for being upset. You really are a piece of work, OP.

Thanks for your input, #boymom!

How about namby pamby son grow the eff up and learn how to manage his parents and his schedule/kids’ calendar.

How about MIL/FIL grow the eff up and respect basic guidelines related to events and venues. If you came backstage and snapped photos at a dance recital while my kids were changing clothes, I would sue you. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I don't blame your husband for being upset. You really are a piece of work, OP.

Thanks for your input, #boymom!

How about namby pamby son grow the eff up and learn how to manage his parents and his schedule/kids’ calendar.

How about MIL/FIL grow the eff up and respect basic guidelines related to events and venues. If you came backstage and snapped photos at a dance recital while my kids were changing clothes, I would sue you. Period.

Absolutely. OP has a right to manage all contact and relationships with her children. This includes banning anyone who does not adhere to her requirements and does anything that crosses whatever boundary line she determines. Grandparents are not necessary; moms are.

Also agree that OP should look into a "no contact" order against her MIL. She does not need her DH's input to do so just file the paperwork and let him know it's a done deal. He had an opportunity to shut his mother down once and for all and didn't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I don't blame your husband for being upset. You really are a piece of work, OP.

Thanks for your input, #boymom!

How about namby pamby son grow the eff up and learn how to manage his parents and his schedule/kids’ calendar.

How about MIL/FIL grow the eff up and respect basic guidelines related to events and venues. If you came backstage and snapped photos at a dance recital while my kids were changing clothes, I would sue you. Period.

Yes, no one has touched on this. Were children in a state of undress backstage? And your MIL wanted to take photos? I think you should emphasize to your husband how disrespectful, creepy, and potentially illegal this behavior was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I don't blame your husband for being upset. You really are a piece of work, OP.

Thanks for your input, #boymom!

How about namby pamby son grow the eff up and learn how to manage his parents and his schedule/kids’ calendar.

How about MIL/FIL grow the eff up and respect basic guidelines related to events and venues. If you came backstage and snapped photos at a dance recital while my kids were changing clothes, I would sue you. Period.

Yes, no one has touched on this. Were children in a state of undress backstage? And your MIL wanted to take photos? I think you should emphasize to your husband how disrespectful, creepy, and potentially illegal this behavior was.

My kid has done summer camp performances with costumes many times, and never was in a state of undress. This isn't broadway, PP.

[Anonymous]

MIL was somewhere she shouldn't have been, and refused to leave even after being asked by a volunteer.

OP is not the rude one here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I don't blame your husband for being upset. You really are a piece of work, OP.

Thanks for your input, #boymom!

How about namby pamby son grow the eff up and learn how to manage his parents and his schedule/kids’ calendar.

How about MIL/FIL grow the eff up and respect basic guidelines related to events and venues. If you came backstage and snapped photos at a dance recital while my kids were changing clothes, I would sue you. Period.

Yes, no one has touched on this. Were children in a state of undress backstage? And your MIL wanted to take photos? I think you should emphasize to your husband how disrespectful, creepy, and potentially illegal this behavior was.

My kid has done summer camp performances with costumes many times, and never was in a state of undress. This isn't broadway, PP.

Hard no. You don’t know this camp and that’s the point. It sounds like there are other issues, but this is 1000% MIL in the wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am with DH on this one. You were disrespectful.

You admitted you lost your temper and raised your voice at his mother, in front of other people. I am sure both your husband and his mother were embarrassed.

She was not trying to do something harmful or hateful, she was just trying to take photos of her grandchildren.

It may have been annoying but I don't think barking/yelling or "elevating" your voice and storming away was warranted.

She was backstage, where she was told she didn't belong, and would not leave. Team OP all the way.

[Anonymous]

If you want to address this to acknowledge your behavior but also hers, say this:

"Barb, this is hard for me, so bear with me. At the recital the other day, you put me in an unfortunate spot. I was already feeling sheepish that my family had 4 audience members there when other families were limited to 2. I know your tickets were ones that would have gone unused by Susan, but to other families it likely just looked as if our family was flouting the rules. Then you came back stage, were asked to leave and didn't follow that request. That incident created stress and frustration in the moment. I wish I hadn't spoken to you so sharply. I regret that. I just need you to understand how I found myself at that point. I'm very grateful that you love your grandchildren so much and want to be involved. I just need to ask you to cooperate with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws live locally and I generally have a good relationship with them. However, they feel they are entitled to be a part of every moment of my children’s life. I usually don’t mind and try to include them when it makes sense but they are really too overbearing and make it very difficult.

Crap hit the fan today as my 8 year old kids had a performance to end a summer camp series. Attendance was strictly limited due to Covid so I asked in-laws not to come and that I would record the children’s acts. The show was also being live-streamed by the camp director for family/friends who couldn’t join in person.

In-laws then asked a zillion tomes if there was any way they could come and lo and behold, at a bbq gathering, other mutual friends mentioned that they had extra tickets since their son was going to miss the performance since they were going to be out of town. Tickets were given.

Day of the show comes and in-laws show up to venue. I’m backstage getting the kids ready and then MIL barges in and asks for pictures with the kids. A high school volunteer follows her in and tells her not to come backstage and MiL doesn’t leave. I tell her she can’t be here as the performance is about to start but that I will bring the kids out in between acts to get pics with the family. Mother in law insists it’ll only take a minute (but I know her picture-taking habits, she needs one from every angle). At this point, I get frustrated and tell her in a more elevated voice that she needs to leave and turn away to go into a back room.

Husband is standing next to her. On our drive home, husband blew up at me and said I was very disrespectful to his parents and he was disappointed in my behavior.

I am at a loss. Perhaps I should’ve not turned my back on her but I was literally stressed trying to get the kids ready for stage as they were the first act!

Someone please help me understand!

OP, I will not speak to anything other than this instance and I am so upset I’m not reading the rest of the thread.

1. She entered an area of a camp where parents/family were not allowed
2. She refused to listen to multiple staff (HS/CITs are still staff)
3. She wanted to TAKE PICTURES BACKSTAGE.

For those who have never been backstage at a kids show, the liability here is HUGE. Unless your camp is a 100% arrive-in-base-layer camp, kiddos will be changing backstage. It doesn’t matter that she only wanted her own grandkids. She opened herself and the camp up to multiple liability issues.

If this had happened at my camp, not only would have the director gotten involved (first the director of the show, then the camp director, and yes this has happened before), and then if the parent put up a fuss the parent would have gotten blacklisted from camp, meaning their kids would not have been admitted any following years.

OP, I beg you — hold your ground on this very specific line in the sand and be grateful that it didn’t escalate further!

BLACKLISTED from the camp? GTFO!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I don't blame your husband for being upset. You really are a piece of work, OP.

Thanks for your input, #boymom!

How about namby pamby son grow the eff up and learn how to manage his parents and his schedule/kids’ calendar.

How about MIL/FIL grow the eff up and respect basic guidelines related to events and venues. If you came backstage and snapped photos at a dance recital while my kids were changing clothes, I would sue you. Period.

Absolutely. OP has a right to manage all contact and relationships with her children. This includes banning anyone who does not adhere to her requirements and does anything that crosses whatever boundary line she determines. Grandparents are not necessary; moms are.

Also agree that OP should look into a "no contact" order against her MIL. She does not need her DH's input to do so just file the paperwork and let him know it's a done deal. He had an opportunity to shut his mother down once and for all and didn't do it.

Yes, OP, you should definitely lawyer up and see if you can find a judge who will issue a "no contact" order because grandparents are at a kid event, that they had tickets to. It is like we are living in another universe on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL was somewhere she shouldn't have been, and refused to leave even after being asked by a volunteer.

OP is not the rude one here.

The reality is that it is the camp's job to police what is going on backstage. HS volunteers can't handle putting grandma in her place? Then they need to pony up $ and get real staff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You should not apologize OP. Use this as an opening to start marriage counseling.

Your MIL disrespected YOU when she wouldn’t leave after you asked nicely. It’s especially bad that she did this in front of the volunteers AND in front of your children. In ignoring the volunteer, she’s showing your children the camp’s authority doesn’t matter, in ignoring you she’s showing your children that YOUR authority doesn’t matter. She’s establishing that only grandma’s rules matter.

That’s not okay.

Do not apologize for standing up for yourself. The worst part is that your husband yelled at you in the car—presumably in front of your children? He’s showing them he doesn’t respect you either. Only grandma is worthy of respect. Your children are attuned to this and are internalizing this lack of boundaries as normal.

Personally, I would use this as the start of a much needed break. Marriage counseling right away.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I don't blame your husband for being upset. You really are a piece of work, OP.

Thanks for your input, #boymom!

How about namby pamby son grow the eff up and learn how to manage his parents and his schedule/kids’ calendar.

How about MIL/FIL grow the eff up and respect basic guidelines related to events and venues. If you came backstage and snapped photos at a dance recital while my kids were changing clothes, I would sue you. Period.

Yes, no one has touched on this. Were children in a state of undress backstage? And your MIL wanted to take photos? I think you should emphasize to your husband how disrespectful, creepy, and potentially illegal this behavior was.

^This. OP, you need to file a police report. If you don't you will be guilty the rest of your life for not addressing this abhorrent behavior. The fact she was around other people's children who were undressing, and then refused to leave when asked is a big red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL was somewhere she shouldn't have been, and refused to leave even after being asked by a volunteer.

OP is not the rude one here.

The reality is that it is the camp's job to police what is going on backstage. HS volunteers can't handle putting grandma in her place? Then they need to pony up $ and get real staff.

Yeah, let’s blame grandma’s bad behavior on everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Husband needs to let go of mommy’s apron strings and grow a pair.