DH working out every night for 2 hours

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take it from a guy that cheated, he’s having an affair.

He's a quickie then. OP has said he's only out of the house about 40 minutes. The two hours he spends include time he's getting ready and planning his exercise and then his warm up and cool down routines. Outside of the 40 minutes he's out running, he's doing the rest in the house.

So, if 40 minutes is enough for him to sneak out of the house, fine his AP, have their quickie and then get back, it's not much of an affair, is it? Barely enough time to even get a cigarette after the dirty deed.

What is he up to during the day when OP is at work, kids are at camp and his workload is low? Why is he avoiding OP/acting shady? Might not be an affair, but he’s avoiding her/ the family for some reason. Why?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks so much for all the thoughtful responses. I was not expecting this much traction. I don’t think he’s cheating. His run times vary a lot, lately it’s just been in the evening but I often force him to get moving earlier in the afternoon to cut back on his prep time (so annoying- it includes doing things like charging his gps phone and just sitting up in his office reading the internet, he’s just kind of a diva when it comes to these things- like why can’t he charge his phone overnight?). When he comes back he either uses the peloton or goes outside to cool down, but these things don’t include the kids. He’s definitely gotten into fantastic shape. Lost 30lbs, has built muscle. I’m very jealous considering I’m feeling like I’m putting on all that weight.

He has also admitted taking seriously long Bathroom breaks (like three times a day for 30-40 mins each) just as a break. I don’t mind him using this time to get mentally and physically healthy, but all these responsibilities that he’s not helping with end up falling to me and I come home so exhausted. I generally do the light cleaning and cook about half the time. He cooks about half the time. But we have other responsibilities outside his work (which is light), that costs us money and he doesn’t seem to have the patience to do (like renting out other properties we own, etc).I end up nagging and being annoyed and I’m sure it is in at least in part me that he needs a break from. But since his work is light, the kids aren’t home, etc, I expect him to do these things. I have such limited time in the day to handle a lot of these things, and yet I still have to figure out things like day cares and camps. He does take them to these things, but the planning it falls on me, the prep work falls to me. Anyways, he can’t do this 5-6 days a week. It’s too hard on me. I think maybe we need to go back to marriage counseling which helped us a lot to communicate.

Another PP had astutely mentioned communicating with him about these issues. And they were right, it usually ends up me being blindsided by his coming down with his running clothes on after 30 mins of hanging out in his office, and then I lose it and get annoyed. We haven’t been talking about it maturely.

[Anonymous]

^^^
For example, every day this week I’ve asked if he’s contacted so and so government office to figure out where our paper work is- or what happened to you moving stuff out of the office to make the nursery. I feel like I have to nag him or he won’t touch it for weeks.

[Anonymous]

APs that are married etc used with kids get the hour when they can. There is often no set pattern.

Hi- I have an hour at 6pm- can you get away and meet me?

[Anonymous]

Op, I’ve had similar issues with my doh- same with the multiple long bathroom breaks, and he’d just have his hobbies or gym time. Someone on dcustom once suggested to me to get a family chore and responsibility chart, and list out all the things that need to get done during the week and put them on postits and split them up that way. It helped DH see all the stuff I was taking care of and it helped him see what he could do to help where needed and he just started naturally helping out more with cleaning up, bedtime and other responsibilities. A lot of times it just took directly asking him to take on an area of responsibility like investments or putting the kids to bed. I deliberately focus on the things I know he can do with no direction from me.

Now he does gym time after the kids go to bed. I run before the kids wake up. There are ways to fit it in without sacrificing family time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks so much for all the thoughtful responses. I was not expecting this much traction. I don’t think he’s cheating. His run times vary a lot, lately it’s just been in the evening but I often force him to get moving earlier in the afternoon to cut back on his prep time (so annoying- it includes doing things like charging his gps phone and just sitting up in his office reading the internet, he’s just kind of a diva when it comes to these things- like why can’t he charge his phone overnight?). When he comes back he either uses the peloton or goes outside to cool down, but these things don’t include the kids. He’s definitely gotten into fantastic shape. Lost 30lbs, has built muscle. I’m very jealous considering I’m feeling like I’m putting on all that weight.

He has also admitted taking seriously long Bathroom breaks (like three times a day for 30-40 mins each) just as a break. I don’t mind him using this time to get mentally and physically healthy, but all these responsibilities that he’s not helping with end up falling to me and I come home so exhausted. I generally do the light cleaning and cook about half the time. He cooks about half the time. But we have other responsibilities outside his work (which is light), that costs us money and he doesn’t seem to have the patience to do (like renting out other properties we own, etc).I end up nagging and being annoyed and I’m sure it is in at least in part me that he needs a break from. But since his work is light, the kids aren’t home, etc, I expect him to do these things. I have such limited time in the day to handle a lot of these things, and yet I still have to figure out things like day cares and camps. He does take them to these things, but the planning it falls on me, the prep work falls to me. Anyways, he can’t do this 5-6 days a week. It’s too hard on me. I think maybe we need to go back to marriage counseling which helped us a lot to communicate.

Another PP had astutely mentioned communicating with him about these issues. And they were right, it usually ends up me being blindsided by his coming down with his running clothes on after 30 mins of hanging out in his office, and then I lose it and get annoyed. We haven’t been talking about it maturely.

Yeah, I think all this cheating nonsense is ridiculous. I see a lot of similarities to my life. Do you think he has ADD? I’m pretty sure my husband does and we structure our tasks accordingly. He gets the crap I don’t care about, the crap that can wait months and a lot of the actual physical stuff — like all the laundry. I deal with making sure stuff with a deadline actually gets done. I’m the person that mentioned that we have worked it out so he does this workout stuff that takes two hours during the day most of the time. When he does blindside me showing up In his workout clothes, I would bet I’m about 50/50 on “sure, I know you couldn’t get to this this week” or “no f-Ing way, we have stuff to do that you need to participate in.” But he doesn’t blindside me often.

[Anonymous]

Married to a Cheater. No I don’t assume he’s cheating. But have a convo re fair division of child care in after work hours/ weekends.

[Anonymous]

Extended 30-40 min bathroom breaks and weird “exercise planning” on the computer and phone = texting his AP or women he hopes will become his next AP. He is seriously avoiding the responsibilities of his daily life. He is a prime candidate for escapism via affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 hours a day is for idiots that don’t know what they’re doing. That or professional athletes with top tier coaching staff. Tell him to stop being an idiot.

I’m a CPT. And that’s just not true. Two hours is perfectly reasonable for someone serious about their fitness. People who think their little one hour workouts are enough don’t understand what it means to truly train. OP, I agree. He needs to be more sensitive to family responsibilities. Can he work out early in the morning? I’m in the gym by about 5am. I hate it. But I need the time snd early mornings are the easiest time for me.

Yeah, but when you have 2 kids, 1 on the way and your spouse is a doctor, you don’t get to be that serious about your fitness. One hour max and you do it during your slow workday. Or when the kids are asleep.

Yep. I have three kids and am a lawyer. I exercise 20-30 minutes a day. It’s plenty. I fit into my high school jeans.

What kind of a loser wears old jeans like that? Buy new clothes lawyer lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 hours a day is for idiots that don’t know what they’re doing. That or professional athletes with top tier coaching staff. Tell him to stop being an idiot.

I’m a CPT. And that’s just not true. Two hours is perfectly reasonable for someone serious about their fitness. People who think their little one hour workouts are enough don’t understand what it means to truly train. OP, I agree. He needs to be more sensitive to family responsibilities. Can he work out early in the morning? I’m in the gym by about 5am. I hate it. But I need the time snd early mornings are the easiest time for me.

Yeah, but when you have 2 kids, 1 on the way and your spouse is a doctor, you don’t get to be that serious about your fitness. One hour max and you do it during your slow workday. Or when the kids are asleep.

Yep. I have three kids and am a lawyer. I exercise 20-30 minutes a day. It’s plenty. I fit into my high school jeans.

And right about now those high waisted jeans are back in style. You kept them for 30 years???

High waisted? No. I kept my paper denim and cloth ones with a waist below my belly button. I was a HS senior in 2002. They finally fell apart last year.

You wore jeans from 2002 in 2020? You must have looked cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Extended 30-40 min bathroom breaks and weird “exercise planning” on the computer and phone = texting his AP or women he hopes will become his next AP. He is seriously avoiding the responsibilities of his daily life. He is a prime candidate for escapism via affair.

Yeah. Men whose wives have high power careers/better jobs like OP (physician) are a risk factor too.

Men dependent on spouses are more likely to cheat.

[Anonymous]

OP - you haven’t said what kind of work he does. There are times when my workload is light, but I still have to be around if things come up. I can’t just run errands in the middle of the day.

I didn’t take up a good exercise schedule until I packed on some COVID lbs. Now I go out for an hour most evenings. My kid is older (6) and we let her have tv at night so it isn’t affecting my wife’s downtime, though.

He isn’t having an affair, but he certainly is taking advantage of the “me” time.

[Anonymous]

Omg my Dh does the 3 30-40 minute bathroom breaks too. It drives me absolutely insane. He’s generally a hard worker but damn it gets to me. I’ll be struggling with the kids and he’s just pooping away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2 hours a day is for idiots that don’t know what they’re doing. That or professional athletes with top tier coaching staff. Tell him to stop being an idiot.

Serious question but why? I am morbidly obese and I work out 2 to 3 hours 5 to 6 days a week.

[Anonymous]

Not a problem worth stressing about. At least he's not spending the time doing something unhealthy. Lots of way worse stories on here than this. Probably shouldn't have gone for #3 if these are your triggers.