DH working out every night for 2 hours

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs time away from you. He's establishing a pace which means he brings his best self to the times he is will you. You need more help? Hire out.

Uh, so they only see each other for a few hours on the weekend, preferably between the sheets? If he is gone for huge chunks in the evening after she gets home from work, its more like they are dating or FWB then married.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:2 hours a day is for idiots that don’t know what they’re doing. That or professional athletes with top tier coaching staff. Tell him to stop being an idiot.

I’m a CPT. And that’s just not true. Two hours is perfectly reasonable for someone serious about their fitness. People who think their little one hour workouts are enough don’t understand what it means to truly train. OP, I agree. He needs to be more sensitive to family responsibilities. Can he work out early in the morning? I’m in the gym by about 5am. I hate it. But I need the time snd early mornings are the easiest time for me.

Yeah, but when you have 2 kids, 1 on the way and your spouse is a doctor, you don’t get to be that serious about your fitness. One hour max and you do it during your slow workday. Or when the kids are asleep.

Yep. I have three kids and am a lawyer. I exercise 20-30 minutes a day. It’s plenty. I fit into my high school jeans.

And right about now those high waisted jeans are back in style. You kept them for 30 years???

She could be 30. Not everyone is a grannymom.

Much less impressive than grannymom fitting into HER highschool jeans. But (grannymom here) since I graduated nigh on 35 years ago mine are LONG gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hate to say it, but my impression is he’s cheating. Who sits at their computer to plan runs? And what is he doing all day? Then he’s stepping out at night?

He may be feeling overwhelmed that his work is down, you apparently are the breadwinner, and you have another baby on the way. He likely wants to escape the responsibilities and inadequacies of his life. An affair is a non productive, dead end way to do that. I don’t know what’s worse in these situations - the cheating, the persistent lying, or finally realizing your man isn’t a man at all (and that you are both the woman and the man in the relationship).

1) I use an online map to plan my run - easy to get the milage I want and visualize the route in my head so I don't flake out and not go the full distance I planned.
2) If he was going to have an affair, why not during the day so that nobody notices he's gone?? It doesn't make any sense to wait until his wife is HOME.

I have no idea if he's having an affair or not, but it does require the scheduling of (at least) two people. He can't just decide the moment he wants to get his nut off.

Exactly. Scheduling. If they are SCHEDULING why not SCHEDULE for a time that doesn't impede with life? I don't see affair here with the info given, but I've been wrong before!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to him about dividing household duties better. I’m a runner and sometimes spend 2 hours or even more on weekends but I always ran before anyone in the house got up so as not to interfere with family time and chores.

This. You don't get to dictate how he spends his time; he's your spouse, not your child.

That said, you do need to have a discussion to him about the division of household duties, which includes childcare outside of work hours. So, talk to him about that and say that the division of duties outside of work hours seems unbalanced and that you two should come to an agreement about how to balance things better. Then it is up to him to coordinate how he will handle those things that he is responsible for around his work and workout schedule.

[Anonymous]

Take it from a guy that cheated, he’s having an affair.

[Anonymous]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sQgd6MccwZc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take it from a guy that cheated, he’s having an affair.

Take it from a guy who works out a lot, he's not cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take it from a guy that cheated, he’s having an affair.

Take it from a guy who works out a lot, he's not cheating.

+1.

[Anonymous]

I am in a similar situation as your husband -- did the lions share of child care during covid while my husband worked, do project based work that comes and goes, and picked up an addictive exercise habit this year that absolutely saved my sanity. Like your husband I too have been exercising in the evenings because I don't want to go out in the heat. It is so wonderful sometimes I get lost in that feeling of freedom and the idea of returning for my parental duties. I am aware that I need to keep pulling my weight and try to make sure dinner is ready before I go, I do all grocery, schlepping of kids...

It's been a hard year for all of us. Talk to him and communicate clearly what you need. I totally understand why he is doing what he is doing and it helped me when my husband started asking for his exercise time as well. I'm careful not to go every day.

I am not having an affair!

[Anonymous]

Don't get mad. Tell him you need him to take on some more kid time in the evening and then you should carve out some time for a regular walk or whatever as well. See if he's receptive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar situation as your husband -- did the lions share of child care during covid while my husband worked, do project based work that comes and goes, and picked up an addictive exercise habit this year that absolutely saved my sanity. Like your husband I too have been exercising in the evenings because I don't want to go out in the heat. It is so wonderful sometimes I get lost in that feeling of freedom and the idea of returning for my parental duties. I am aware that I need to keep pulling my weight and try to make sure dinner is ready before I go, I do all grocery, schlepping of kids...

It's been a hard year for all of us. Talk to him and communicate clearly what you need. I totally understand why he is doing what he is doing and it helped me when my husband started asking for his exercise time as well. I'm careful not to go every day.

I am not having an affair!

This, it may be as simple as him pushing his workout back by 60 minutes so its AFTER the kids go to bed, and then taking an extra rest day so he's not gone all the time. There's compromise here in the middle.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:2 hours a day is for idiots that don’t know what they’re doing. That or professional athletes with top tier coaching staff. Tell him to stop being an idiot.

I’m a CPT. And that’s just not true. Two hours is perfectly reasonable for someone serious about their fitness. People who think their little one hour workouts are enough don’t understand what it means to truly train. OP, I agree. He needs to be more sensitive to family responsibilities. Can he work out early in the morning? I’m in the gym by about 5am. I hate it. But I need the time snd early mornings are the easiest time for me.

Yeah, but when you have 2 kids, 1 on the way and your spouse is a doctor, you don’t get to be that serious about your fitness. One hour max and you do it during your slow workday. Or when the kids are asleep.

Yep. I have three kids and am a lawyer. I exercise 20-30 minutes a day. It’s plenty. I fit into my high school jeans.

And right about now those high waisted jeans are back in style. You kept them for 30 years???

High waisted? No. I kept my paper denim and cloth ones with a waist below my belly button. I was a HS senior in 2002. They finally fell apart last year.

NP. And off topic, but wow I feel old. I was a HS senior in 1985.

[Anonymous]

Not saying he's cheating, but how's the sex? If he's not getting it, running may help him in other ways.

[Anonymous]

Affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take it from a guy that cheated, he’s having an affair.

He's a quickie then. OP has said he's only out of the house about 40 minutes. The two hours he spends include time he's getting ready and planning his exercise and then his warm up and cool down routines. Outside of the 40 minutes he's out running, he's doing the rest in the house.

So, if 40 minutes is enough for him to sneak out of the house, fine his AP, have their quickie and then get back, it's not much of an affair, is it? Barely enough time to even get a cigarette after the dirty deed.