Serial cheaters: Can/Do they ever change?

[Anonymous]

So no, serial cheaters of both sexes -- but especially men -- rarely reform until their equipment starts to fail them and their drive diminishes.

[Anonymous]

Does the cheating usually get worse when the equipment stops working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does the cheating usually get worse when the equipment stops working?

It stops.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If so, what did you/they do to get there? Feeling like it doesn’t happen… I’m not btw, just a victim wondering if a leopard can change its spots…

No, never ever. Serial cheaters do not change. These people are personality-disordered, have zero empathy, and lack a moral compass.

The serial cheaters I knew weren’t like this. They were very caring and generous people. Just thought sex wasn’t a big deal so having it with others didn’t really mean anything.

This makes sense. For a lot of people casual sex is not a big deal.

lol No!
We're not talking about single people that have casual sex which is still risky especially when you really don't know those people. We're talking about a married cheater who is living a double life. Exposing themselves to who knows what and their unknowing spouse. Yes that is a big deal! Liars and cheaters hide things because it's a BIG DEAL - hope that helps you clear that up.

[Anonymous]

Yes, they can change if they are motivated to change. DH was a serial cheater. He was going to lose everything- me, his job, his friends, respect of his family. He hit rock bottom and started intensive therapy and sexaholics anonymous. He’s 2 years without cheating now. It’s been an arduous process for him and his life has drastically changed. He says he’s now the man he always wanted to be. It depends on the person and whether they want to change and how much effort that put into making a change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they can change if they are motivated to change. DH was a serial cheater. He was going to lose everything- me, his job, his friends, respect of his family. He hit rock bottom and started intensive therapy and sexaholics anonymous. He’s 2 years without cheating now. It’s been an arduous process for him and his life has drastically changed. He says he’s now the man he always wanted to be. It depends on the person and whether they want to change and how much effort that put into making a change.

How do you know he stopped?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does the cheating usually get worse when the equipment stops working?

It stops.

There's a pill for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they can change if they are motivated to change. DH was a serial cheater. He was going to lose everything- me, his job, his friends, respect of his family. He hit rock bottom and started intensive therapy and sexaholics anonymous. He’s 2 years without cheating now. It’s been an arduous process for him and his life has drastically changed. He says he’s now the man he always wanted to be. It depends on the person and whether they want to change and how much effort that put into making a change.

How do you know he stopped?

It's like a drug user, if you don't monitor them closely you often won't know. The relapse rate is pretty high. I personally don't believe in sex addiction, it's made up to con the victim into thinking there's a real medical problem to garnish more sympathy and not leave. It's still a choice to behave that way. It continues the co-dependency of the victim toward their perpetrator. Hopefully pp has given him a final ultimatum and uses monitoring systems instead of simply believing someone who is a pathological liar. (hence cheaters)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does the cheating usually get worse when the equipment stops working?

It stops.

There's a pill for that.

I knew a woman whose husband had a few affairs over the years. The funny thing is he ended up getting ED in his 50's which she thought was pretty hilarious. Karma.

[Anonymous]

ED happens to good husbands as well. But yes, great he got his

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ED happens to good husbands as well. But yes, great he got his

True, but normal men except it. Not the end of the road, but a serial cheater......lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they can change if they are motivated to change. DH was a serial cheater. He was going to lose everything- me, his job, his friends, respect of his family. He hit rock bottom and started intensive therapy and sexaholics anonymous. He’s 2 years without cheating now. It’s been an arduous process for him and his life has drastically changed. He says he’s now the man he always wanted to be. It depends on the person and whether they want to change and how much effort that put into making a change.

How do you know he stopped?

It's like a drug user, if you don't monitor them closely you often won't know. The relapse rate is pretty high. I personally don't believe in sex addiction, it's made up to con the victim into thinking there's a real medical problem to garnish more sympathy and not leave. It's still a choice to behave that way. It continues the co-dependency of the victim toward their perpetrator. Hopefully pp has given him a final ultimatum and uses monitoring systems instead of simply believing someone who is a pathological liar. (hence cheaters)

+1 Yeah I'm not sure how PP can know he'll never cheat again if it's only been 2 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in my 20s (pre-marriage), not now. I don't really know why I'm not anymore. I think in some ways the solemnity of marriage is more real than just dating. Possibly sex drive isn't as insane as it was in my 20s.

That's what it was for me. I just can't be bothered any more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they can change if they are motivated to change. DH was a serial cheater. He was going to lose everything- me, his job, his friends, respect of his family. He hit rock bottom and started intensive therapy and sexaholics anonymous. He’s 2 years without cheating now. It’s been an arduous process for him and his life has drastically changed. He says he’s now the man he always wanted to be. It depends on the person and whether they want to change and how much effort that put into making a change.

How do you know he stopped?

It's like a drug user, if you don't monitor them closely you often won't know. The relapse rate is pretty high. I personally don't believe in sex addiction, it's made up to con the victim into thinking there's a real medical problem to garnish more sympathy and not leave. It's still a choice to behave that way. It continues the co-dependency of the victim toward their perpetrator. Hopefully pp has given him a final ultimatum and uses monitoring systems instead of simply believing someone who is a pathological liar. (hence cheaters)

+1 Yeah I'm not sure how PP can know he'll never cheat again if it's only been 2 years.

PP here. I don’t have a crystal ball, so I have no idea what he will do in the future. I believe he isn’t cheating now, but he doesn’t wear a go pro all day. I haven’t seen any evidence and I have access to all his accounts. I’m not sure anyone really knows 100%. I see the changes in him and the extensive efforts he’s taking to change his life. That gives me faith and hope in him and us.

[Anonymous]

No, they don't.