Serial cheaters: Can/Do they ever change?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If so, what did you/they do to get there? Feeling like it doesn’t happen… I’m not btw, just a victim wondering if a leopard can change its spots…

No, never ever. Serial cheaters do not change. These people are personality-disordered, have zero empathy, and lack a moral compass.

The serial cheaters I knew weren’t like this. They were very caring and generous people. Just thought sex wasn’t a big deal so having it with others didn’t really mean anything.

The ones you had affairs with ?

Too bad the people they are cheating on do think being faithful and honest/not lying is important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serial? Highly, highly, highly unlikely. Get your ducks in a row and get out.

We weren’t even married! Already out and of course the apologies, confessionals, promise to get help, etc have been coming. Blocked to preserve my sanity and got a letter in the mail. Oy!

IGNORE that crap. That person is trying to "hoover" you. Do NOT take the bait. Look up "hoovering"; that is exactly what is happening here. And a letter in the mail? Good lord, don't even read it, throw it in the trash.

Do not make the same mistake I did.

Hoovering is a term that guys in my frat used to use for "BJ". As an example: "man, Becky can really hoover like a champion". Just FYI.

Cool story, frat bro.

Please google "hoovering" and you will learn the definition. Just FYI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If so, what did you/they do to get there? Feeling like it doesn’t happen… I’m not btw, just a victim wondering if a leopard can change its spots…

No, never ever. Serial cheaters do not change. These people are personality-disordered, have zero empathy, and lack a moral compass.

The serial cheaters I knew weren’t like this. They were very caring and generous people. Just thought sex wasn’t a big deal so having it with others didn’t really mean anything.

LOL. This response is hilarious because it is so delusional.

[Anonymous]

They may not be able to reform their cheating ways, but they can nevertheless make loving and supportive spouses and fathers who will always remain committed to their families. I know one such man, cheated on his fiancee during their years-long courtship and engagement, cheated throughout the marriage, continues to cheat now into his 60s, BUT he is an incredibly supportive husband who loves his family dearly. That marriage is still going strong after 26 years and thress older children. The wife (or husband) simply has to be willing and able to put the suspected cheating out of their minds for it to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They may not be able to reform their cheating ways, but they can nevertheless make loving and supportive spouses and fathers who will always remain committed to their families. I know one such man, cheated on his fiancee during their years-long courtship and engagement, cheated throughout the marriage, continues to cheat now into his 60s, BUT he is an incredibly supportive husband who loves his family dearly. That marriage is still going strong after 26 years and thress older children. The wife (or husband) simply has to be willing and able to put the suspected cheating out of their minds for it to work.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They may not be able to reform their cheating ways, but they can nevertheless make loving and supportive spouses and fathers who will always remain committed to their families. I know one such man, cheated on his fiancee during their years-long courtship and engagement, cheated throughout the marriage, continues to cheat now into his 60s, BUT he is an incredibly supportive husband who loves his family dearly. That marriage is still going strong after 26 years and thress older children. The wife (or husband) simply has to be willing and able to put the suspected cheating out of their minds for it to work.

This is actually disturbing. Was the fiancé/wife aware of the infidelity and decided to work through it? Do they have some type of agreement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They may not be able to reform their cheating ways, but they can nevertheless make loving and supportive spouses and fathers who will always remain committed to their families. I know one such man, cheated on his fiancee during their years-long courtship and engagement, cheated throughout the marriage, continues to cheat now into his 60s, BUT he is an incredibly supportive husband who loves his family dearly. That marriage is still going strong after 26 years and thress older children. The wife (or husband) simply has to be willing and able to put the suspected cheating out of their minds for it to work.

This is actually disturbing. Was the fiancé/wife aware of the infidelity and decided to work through it? Do they have some type of agreement?

I have no idea. Though I am friends with the husband and he has been forthcoming about his affairs, he respects a boundary when it comes to discussing his wife. He loves her and I have never heard him say a critical word about his wife, quite the opposite, he has always sung her praises. I have not asked whether she knows about his affairs throughout their 36 years (marriage plus dating and engagement) , but she must suspect something, how could she not? If so, she has put those feelings aside and decided that the benefits of this otherwise good man far outweigh his weaknesses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They may not be able to reform their cheating ways, but they can nevertheless make loving and supportive spouses and fathers who will always remain committed to their families. I know one such man, cheated on his fiancee during their years-long courtship and engagement, cheated throughout the marriage, continues to cheat now into his 60s, BUT he is an incredibly supportive husband who loves his family dearly. That marriage is still going strong after 26 years and thress older children. The wife (or husband) simply has to be willing and able to put the suspected cheating out of their minds for it to work.

This is actually disturbing. Was the fiancé/wife aware of the infidelity and decided to work through it? Do they have some type of agreement?

I have no idea. Though I am friends with the husband and he has been forthcoming about his affairs, he respects a boundary when it comes to discussing his wife. He loves her and I have never heard him say a critical word about his wife, quite the opposite, he has always sung her praises. I have not asked whether she knows about his affairs throughout their 36 years (marriage plus dating and engagement) , but she must suspect something, how could she not? If so, she has put those feelings aside and decided that the benefits of this otherwise good man far outweigh his weaknesses.

Just FYI, your friend is a sociopath.

Also, you state that you have "no idea", yet you go on to make an assumption that the wife has put her feelings "aside" and "decided that the benefits of this otherwise good man far outweigh his weaknesses"? WTAF?

Your posts are bonkers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They may not be able to reform their cheating ways, but they can nevertheless make loving and supportive spouses and fathers who will always remain committed to their families. I know one such man, cheated on his fiancee during their years-long courtship and engagement, cheated throughout the marriage, continues to cheat now into his 60s, BUT he is an incredibly supportive husband who loves his family dearly. That marriage is still going strong after 26 years and thress older children. The wife (or husband) simply has to be willing and able to put the suspected cheating out of their minds for it to work.

This is actually disturbing. Was the fiancé/wife aware of the infidelity and decided to work through it? Do they have some type of agreement?

I have no idea. Though I am friends with the husband and he has been forthcoming about his affairs, he respects a boundary when it comes to discussing his wife. He loves her and I have never heard him say a critical word about his wife, quite the opposite, he has always sung her praises. I have not asked whether she knows about his affairs throughout their 36 years (marriage plus dating and engagement) , but she must suspect something, how could she not? If so, she has put those feelings aside and decided that the benefits of this otherwise good man far outweigh his weaknesses.

Just FYI, your friend is a sociopath.

Also, you state that you have "no idea", yet you go on to make an assumption that the wife has put her feelings "aside" and "decided that the benefits of this otherwise good man far outweigh his weaknesses"? WTAF?

Your posts are bonkers.

Maybe she’s the AP.

[Anonymous]

Of course they can. Anyone who wants to can change. But I guess the folks in this thread think that’s not what most cheaters want?

I don’t know. I was a serial cheater for about a decade. We had kids and I’ve not done it in the ten years since. I have a wandering eye but I don’t go there. It’s not worth losing my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course they can. Anyone who wants to can change. But I guess the folks in this thread think that’s not what most cheaters want?

I don’t know. I was a serial cheater for about a decade. We had kids and I’ve not done it in the ten years since. I have a wandering eye but I don’t go there. It’s not worth losing my family.

I feel sorry for your wife.

[Anonymous]

Yes. With lots of therapy and a desire to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They may not be able to reform their cheating ways, but they can nevertheless make loving and supportive spouses and fathers who will always remain committed to their families. I know one such man, cheated on his fiancee during their years-long courtship and engagement, cheated throughout the marriage, continues to cheat now into his 60s, BUT he is an incredibly supportive husband who loves his family dearly. That marriage is still going strong after 26 years and thress older children. The wife (or husband) simply has to be willing and able to put the suspected cheating out of their minds for it to work.

This is actually disturbing. Was the fiancé/wife aware of the infidelity and decided to work through it? Do they have some type of agreement?

I have no idea. Though I am friends with the husband and he has been forthcoming about his affairs, he respects a boundary when it comes to discussing his wife. He loves her and I have never heard him say a critical word about his wife, quite the opposite, he has always sung her praises. I have not asked whether she knows about his affairs throughout their 36 years (marriage plus dating and engagement) , but she must suspect something, how could she not? If so, she has put those feelings aside and decided that the benefits of this otherwise good man far outweigh his weaknesses.

Just FYI, your friend is a sociopath.

Also, you state that you have "no idea", yet you go on to make an assumption that the wife has put her feelings "aside" and "decided that the benefits of this otherwise good man far outweigh his weaknesses"? WTAF?

Your posts are bonkers.

The man is a friend that is almost like a brother to me and my siblings because our families were very close and we grew up in the same neighborhood, attended school together and were in the same grade. He is hardly a sociopath but rather one of the most empathetic and sympathetic individuals and friends you could want. His profesionally successful and lovely wife and happy, well-adjusted kids would be the first to tell you what a supportive, helpful and loving spouse and dad he is. He builds people up daily in word and actions. The cheating is an aberration in his personality and I should clarify that many years (e.g., 6) can go by without an affair. He is in a profession that is sometimes associated with infidelity because of situational circumstances.

The only reason I assume his wife must suspect something is because I am a wife myself and when my own husband devastatingly cheated on me, the suspicion of that manifested itself in every ounce of my body even before I knew. I do not condone my friend's behavior -- we've discussed it over the years in the way that people who are almost like siblings can -- he knows it is wrong, he feels bad about it and has tried to change, he risks his marriage and family, not to mention the pain he has caused other women, but he cannot quit, though as I say the affairs are further between as he gets older.

Perhaps his wife has never suspected a thing, or maybe they have some sort of arrangement to look the other way on these sorts of things (she is from a different country than he). I do not delve into her thoughts or what she may or may not know, and he of course must know but has never offered that information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If so, what did you/they do to get there? Feeling like it doesn’t happen… I’m not btw, just a victim wondering if a leopard can change its spots…

No, never ever. Serial cheaters do not change. These people are personality-disordered, have zero empathy, and lack a moral compass.

The serial cheaters I knew weren’t like this. They were very caring and generous people. Just thought sex wasn’t a big deal so having it with others didn’t really mean anything.

This was my experience too. Generally outgoing and charming men, the sex with others had zero to do with how they felt about their wives

[Anonymous]

No. My husband has NPD (classic case, it seems). He just can’t get enough supply so he constantly has to have some dumb plaything that will give him constantly adoration. Since I’m onto him, I can’t be counted in for this. Just getting my ducks in a row.