Do women seriously have salary requirements when dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How exactly did you all go about finding out this salary stuff? Was it first date conversation? Were you looking up equivalent jobs on Indeed / LinkedIn? Cause if this conversation happened say 6 months or a year into the relationship, couldn't you have developed feelings by then? And if its just his word, who's to say he won't lie to you and say he's pulling in 6 figures for some stupid reason like its his potential or what he's supposed to be making or he knows his worth.

If you only date people who work in certain fields, you would have a general sense of their salary. Most of my friends went into law or finance out of school (as did I), so if I'd been single that would have been my dating pool -- their friends and colleagues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How exactly did you all go about finding out this salary stuff? Was it first date conversation? Were you looking up equivalent jobs on Indeed / LinkedIn? Cause if this conversation happened say 6 months or a year into the relationship, couldn't you have developed feelings by then? And if its just his word, who's to say he won't lie to you and say he's pulling in 6 figures for some stupid reason like its his potential or what he's supposed to be making or he knows his worth.

I have a good idea of what people make in different jobs. If someone is an insurance claims adjuster, then they probably make $50-60k. If they are a radiologist, then they probably make $300-400k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL. When I married my DH, his salary was 60k! I'd never have met him if I had hang ups about salary or jobs.

Ok and how old where you? Dating at 35+ isn’t the same thing and dating and marrying college sweetheart

[Anonymous]

I cared when I was dating in my twenties.
Now, in my 40’s, I’m widowed and kids are nearly grown. I don’t care at all now. I just want to meet someone who doesn’t expect too much from me, is good in bed, and knows how to fix stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No scrubs.

DH and I met in college. He was really hard working, had a great degree and was driven. It all translated into a good salary.

Right but would you date a 45 yr old divorced dad who was a hard worker with lots of ambition but only made 50k?

Ambition, drive, education, hard work are great things to have only when young. That needs to translate to $$$ by the time you are middle aged or your dating pool will be very shallow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cared when I was dating in my twenties.
Now, in my 40’s, I’m widowed and kids are nearly grown. I don’t care at all now. I just want to meet someone who doesn’t expect too much from me, is good in bed, and knows how to fix stuff.

Ooh yes. Handsome and handy. Done deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The top earning 10% to 20% of men would rather marry the pretty, happy-go-lucky, kind-hearted waitress with the two-year community college degree who takes good care of the home and is willing to raise their children herself instead of sending them to factory daycare, but thanks for playing. A well-off guy doesn't care about your money and sees your 70-hour a week career as a red flag to having a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship. He wants, and can get, better than that. Continue on with your delusions, ladies. You're making me laugh. You guys are hilarious!!

I don’t know a single wealthy man who married a waitress. Or even a woman without a 4 year degree. And my social circle is more top 1% than top 20%. Not even in second or third marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cared when I was dating in my twenties.
Now, in my 40’s, I’m widowed and kids are nearly grown. I don’t care at all now. I just want to meet someone who doesn’t expect too much from me, is good in bed, and knows how to fix stuff.

If you have any sort of assetts you should care, people prey on widows all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cared when I was dating in my twenties.
Now, in my 40’s, I’m widowed and kids are nearly grown. I don’t care at all now. I just want to meet someone who doesn’t expect too much from me, is good in bed, and knows how to fix stuff.

If you have any sort of assetts you should care, people prey on widows all the time.

Just because someone doesn’t make a lot of money doesn’t mean they want to steal other peoples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The top earning 10% to 20% of men would rather marry the pretty, happy-go-lucky, kind-hearted waitress with the two-year community college degree who takes good care of the home and is willing to raise their children herself instead of sending them to factory daycare, but thanks for playing. A well-off guy doesn't care about your money and sees your 70-hour a week career as a red flag to having a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship. He wants, and can get, better than that. Continue on with your delusions, ladies. You're making me laugh. You guys are hilarious!!

I don’t know a single wealthy man who married a waitress. Or even a woman without a 4 year degree. And my social circle is more top 1% than top 20%. Not even in second or third marriages.

You have not seen it because it doesn’t really happen. I’ve seen this type of response many times before on here and I assume the person (people?) saying it is either genuinely confused or, more likely, trolling.

[Anonymous]

I met my husband when I was 24. Neither of us earned much, but I earned more than he did. It really didn't matter to me. It's not like we had a lot of expenses. He was cute and smart and nice and had a great family, and I was confident that I was going to go and have a career, at least.

In retrospect, I do think there's something to be said for the idea that if you have children together, you're going to be doing the pregnancy/labor part and also most likely being the primary parent and managing things at home, and those are both contributions in and of itself and also they put your career back. I thought if I picked a guy whose career wasn't bigger than mine and who said he was committed to doing things in egalitarian way that I'd have an equal partner at home, but it just wasn't at all like that. Our careers have both grown to the point now where we can afford to outsource a lot, but when our kids were really small, there was a period where I was frequently working 50 hours a week at a stressful job to get back on the career track I wanted to be on, and I was doing almost all of the child care and most of the home stuff, and it would have been at least somewhat better if we'd been in a place financially where my husband could have offered to get a lot more help around the house. (It would have been better if he'd been an equal partner at home, but that was so far from reality.) I sometimes wondered what exactly I was getting from this arrangement.

If I were single again, I don't think I'd care about the salary piece if it were a FWB thing. Money isn't part of attraction to me. But if I were going to live with someone and get married again, I wouldn't want to be supporting him with money that I'd want to be going to my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cared when I was dating in my twenties.
Now, in my 40’s, I’m widowed and kids are nearly grown. I don’t care at all now. I just want to meet someone who doesn’t expect too much from me, is good in bed, and knows how to fix stuff.

If you have any sort of assetts you should care, people prey on widows all the time.

Just because someone doesn’t make a lot of money doesn’t mean they want to steal other peoples.

This is true, but pp is vulnerable to those that would be interested in that. She can't afford to live in bubblegum and unicorn land.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The top earning 10% to 20% of men would rather marry the pretty, happy-go-lucky, kind-hearted waitress with the two-year community college degree who takes good care of the home and is willing to raise their children herself instead of sending them to factory daycare, but thanks for playing. A well-off guy doesn't care about your money and sees your 70-hour a week career as a red flag to having a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship. He wants, and can get, better than that. Continue on with your delusions, ladies. You're making me laugh. You guys are hilarious!!

I don’t know a single wealthy man who married a waitress. Or even a woman without a 4 year degree. And my social circle is more top 1% than top 20%. Not even in second or third marriages.

You have not seen it because it doesn’t really happen. I’ve seen this type of response many times before on here and I assume the person (people?) saying it is either genuinely confused or, more likely, trolling.

Maybe in that persons town, the top 10% is truck drivers having his pick between tellers, baristas and dog walkers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met my husband when I was 24. Neither of us earned much, but I earned more than he did. It really didn't matter to me. It's not like we had a lot of expenses. He was cute and smart and nice and had a great family, and I was confident that I was going to go and have a career, at least.

In retrospect, I do think there's something to be said for the idea that if you have children together, you're going to be doing the pregnancy/labor part and also most likely being the primary parent and managing things at home, and those are both contributions in and of itself and also they put your career back. I thought if I picked a guy whose career wasn't bigger than mine and who said he was committed to doing things in egalitarian way that I'd have an equal partner at home, but it just wasn't at all like that. Our careers have both grown to the point now where we can afford to outsource a lot, but when our kids were really small, there was a period where I was frequently working 50 hours a week at a stressful job to get back on the career track I wanted to be on, and I was doing almost all of the child care and most of the home stuff, and it would have been at least somewhat better if we'd been in a place financially where my husband could have offered to get a lot more help around the house. (It would have been better if he'd been an equal partner at home, but that was so far from reality.) I sometimes wondered what exactly I was getting from this arrangement.

If I were single again, I don't think I'd care about the salary piece if it were a FWB thing. Money isn't part of attraction to me. But if I were going to live with someone and get married again, I wouldn't want to be supporting him with money that I'd want to be going to my kids.

Yep, this is what happens when you believe love is everything!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh.. a man is not the plan. no matter what happens, they could die, leave you etc. find someone who's compatible that you're attracted to. make sure you can exist without them if needed.

Sure. But IME it’s women who are the most financially independent who are the most skeptical of a low income husband.

Right. It's about being able to maintain what you built for yourself, and continue building not having some man drain you.

This. I'll make my own money, but I expect dh to be making his own money too. I want similar salaries.

Let me guess: your money is your money and his money is your money, too.

Don’t be so bitter that we worked for our money! 1.5m from savings and investments.

My DH is not at all offended by our money.