Do women seriously have salary requirements when dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A man might not be the plan (and I make enough to comfortably support myself and the children if DH got abducted by aliens tomorrow) but I would not want to support my husband either or have him earn so little that it brings down the family standard of living. He does not need to earn as much as I do but he needs to earn a good amount that is close to what I make. (Or he could be a SAHD but then he’d have to do all the housework and childcare and on average it’s a lot easier to find a man making a decent salary than one who wants to and will be a good SAHD.)

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I had requirements.

1. I had no debt, I wanted someone with the same.

2. I knew not to fall for someone just because they have a decent income, go where the money is then fall in love.

3. A chair needs at least 3 legs to stand, his money, my money, and family money.

4. The biggest reason for divorce is financial issues. Marrying someone around the same age and within the same class is hedging your bets.

I knew what I wanted and I found it. I'm sure I'll get flamed but too many women lack the self esteem to honestly figure out who they want and make it happen. When men want a thin or young woman it's viewed as biology, well, same should go for those of us who know we want someone who can provide.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t think I did, until I started dating an actor. He was college educated and worked hard on his craft. But he was early 30’s and had just had his best year ever — $18,000. This was in the 90’s, but my first job out of collage several years before I made $25,000.

I knew my salary was always going to go up. His was probably never going to be that high again. Being with someone who didn’t have a salary close to mine was going to severely impact my life. Once we had kids, he’d either have to quit acting (which wasn’t an option for him) or we’d take a huge lifestyle hit when my salary had to pay for our bills and child care.

So it was a factor in what I saw as long term potential. And last I heard, he married a very very successful lawyer and didn’t have kids.

I think the question you are asking is loaded. Having a baseline salary idea (plus future potential) is very different than a gold digger only dating someone who make over $200k or $500k. One is an understanding that money can impact your life and should be considered. The other is wanting someone to elevate your life or take care of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No scrubs.

DH and I met in college. He was really hard working, had a great degree and was driven. It all translated into a good salary.

None of the rest of that matters unless it’s a really good salary.

$60k is serious loser-level money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man might not be the plan (and I make enough to comfortably support myself and the children if DH got abducted by aliens tomorrow) but I would not want to support my husband either or have him earn so little that it brings down the family standard of living. He does not need to earn as much as I do but he needs to earn a good amount that is close to what I make. (Or he could be a SAHD but then he’d have to do all the housework and childcare and on average it’s a lot easier to find a man making a decent salary than one who wants to and will be a good SAHD.)

Agreed.

+ 2. Though I have no interest in having a husband who is a SAHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man might not be the plan (and I make enough to comfortably support myself and the children if DH got abducted by aliens tomorrow) but I would not want to support my husband either or have him earn so little that it brings down the family standard of living. He does not need to earn as much as I do but he needs to earn a good amount that is close to what I make. (Or he could be a SAHD but then he’d have to do all the housework and childcare and on average it’s a lot easier to find a man making a decent salary than one who wants to and will be a good SAHD.)

Agreed.

+ 2. Though I have no interest in having a husband who is a SAHD.

I did. I looked. Couldn’t find one though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL. When I married my DH, his salary was 60k! I'd never have met him if I had hang ups about salary or jobs.

No salary requirements.

I looked for someone 100% different than my father. Who went bankrupt many times, could not work under someone else and who could not run his own business. Hence DH needed to be educated, calm in a difficult situation,s and a huge drive to work.

I picked a good one LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never really "dated around", but the general recommendation I gave to my single friends is that the men's salary should not be lower than 80% of her base salary.

Interesting. My recommendation to my single friends was to focus on their own careers and not rely on a man to provide for them.

Excellent recommendations and does not conflict with the >= 80% advice at all 👍

[Anonymous]

I met and started dating my DH freshman year of college, though we didn't get engaged until we were 28. I am professionally ambitious and value education and would not have married someone who didn't share those qualities. I wanted a partner who shared my priorities and goals for our shared life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh.. a man is not the plan. no matter what happens, they could die, leave you etc. find someone who's compatible that you're attracted to. make sure you can exist without them if needed.

Sure. But IME it’s women who are the most financially independent who are the most skeptical of a low income husband.

Right. It's about being able to maintain what you built for yourself, and continue building not having some man drain you.

This. I'll make my own money, but I expect dh to be making his own money too. I want similar salaries.

[Anonymous]

I would also put income stability on the list. A lot of men have their top salaries at late 30's early 40's. Most salary increases happen in the 20's depending on education of course. At 50, age discrimination in many careers is very common especially expensive middle management employees.

So balance the salary with career goals, how well he saves, career possibilities, pension, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had an education requirement. It translated into high salary.

Thankfully my wife didn’t, and it must suck for her that I bring in 900k-1.1/year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an education requirement. It translated into high salary.

Thankfully my wife didn’t, and it must suck for her that I bring in 900k-1.1/year.

I bet she's especially impressed by how you're not at all insecure and understand that you're an outlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh.. a man is not the plan. no matter what happens, they could die, leave you etc. find someone who's compatible that you're attracted to. make sure you can exist without them if needed.

Sure. But IME it’s women who are the most financially independent who are the most skeptical of a low income husband.

Right. It's about being able to maintain what you built for yourself, and continue building not having some man drain you.

This. I'll make my own money, but I expect dh to be making his own money too. I want similar salaries.

+2, this is also me. But being a SAHM with a high earner husband was never one of the things that I aspired to (nor any of my friends, for that matter - I only have one who is a SAHM now and she is looking to return to the work force after a few years away), but that is apparently very different from some of the women on this board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s pretty naive to not care at all about the income or income potential of your spouse (no matter your gender or the gender you prefer to date). I always cared. So did the men who dated me.

Completely. My friends who are a two teacher married couple are living very differently than couples who make mid/high six figures/seven figures. It's not that more money is better, but it's different.