Do women seriously have salary requirements when dating?

[Anonymous]

I didn't have a salary requirement. I did want someone who had drive and ambition, could afford the lifestyle they wanted, and could be responsible with money. So if I'd met a starving artist who could support themselves and was happy with their life, and was hustling to do art shows and sell, and all that, I'd have been satisfied. If I'd met a starving artist who wanted me to subsidize their lifestyle and live off my money while they created art they never sold then that would not work for me.

[Anonymous]

I think at least 80% of your salary is a good starting point but none of the women I know have a firm amount they would never budge from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do men seriously have weight/size requirements when they date women?

No, a ratio requirement that had a base of not too skinny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men who dated me cared for several things ..
My looks
My education and my career goals
My temperament, personality
My good name and my family

Thank you for sharing but I just want to point out that he probably did not care that you were not a good reader or detail oriented.

Men want five things from a woman: fit (in shape, physically and temperamentally), friendly, feminine, cooperative, loyal. That's it.

[Anonymous]

The top earning 10% to 20% of men would rather marry the pretty, happy-go-lucky, kind-hearted waitress with the two-year community college degree who takes good care of the home and is willing to raise their children herself instead of sending them to factory daycare, but thanks for playing. A well-off guy doesn't care about your money and sees your 70-hour a week career as a red flag to having a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship. He wants, and can get, better than that. Continue on with your delusions, ladies. You're making me laugh. You guys are hilarious!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh.. a man is not the plan. no matter what happens, they could die, leave you etc. find someone who's compatible that you're attracted to. make sure you can exist without them if needed.

Sure. But IME it’s women who are the most financially independent who are the most skeptical of a low income husband.

Right. It's about being able to maintain what you built for yourself, and continue building not having some man drain you.

This. I'll make my own money, but I expect dh to be making his own money too. I want similar salaries.

Let me guess: your money is your money and his money is your money, too.

[Anonymous]

Yep. And having a number is smart, but it doesn’t have to be $250k or something that puts you in the UMC unless you are all about that.

I’m mixed AA and most of my AA and Latina friends outearn their DH. All of white female friends married to black or Latino men outearn their DH. Only when I get to African and Asian friends do I regularly see Hs earning considerably more and we are all women with advanced degrees who married men without criminal records. They just largely didn’t have the same educational opportunities and even if they have a degree, they just tend to get passed over in hiring and promoting.
I outearn Ed my first H who was white, but that’s another story and has to do with his personal difficulties with being spoiled and mentally ill. My DH (second marriage) is AA and outearns me and always has, but he’s in STEM. I have to say that I did not ever want to be married again to someone that I outearned because I think it can make a bad dynamic. I read that women who outearn their DH do more housework.

Yeah, I wanted the same income or higher in a second spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The top earning 10% to 20% of men would rather marry the pretty, happy-go-lucky, kind-hearted waitress with the two-year community college degree who takes good care of the home and is willing to raise their children herself instead of sending them to factory daycare, but thanks for playing. A well-off guy doesn't care about your money and sees your 70-hour a week career as a red flag to having a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship. He wants, and can get, better than that. Continue on with your delusions, ladies. You're making me laugh. You guys are hilarious!!

You keep writing that —except statistics show it’s not what happens. Maybe in the oil-fields where men outnumber women at a crazy rate, but not in any major cities of the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The top earning 10% to 20% of men would rather marry the pretty, happy-go-lucky, kind-hearted waitress with the two-year community college degree who takes good care of the home and is willing to raise their children herself instead of sending them to factory daycare, but thanks for playing. A well-off guy doesn't care about your money and sees your 70-hour a week career as a red flag to having a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship. He wants, and can get, better than that. Continue on with your delusions, ladies. You're making me laugh. You guys are hilarious!!

Great. Go for it. Find that beautiful, intelligent, hard working waitress who is willing to let you look down on her and treat her like a second-class citizen. As we all know, anyone who goes to community college must have no dreams or aspirations of their own, and will wake up every day feeling lucky to spend her life catering to your needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The top earning 10% to 20% of men would rather marry the pretty, happy-go-lucky, kind-hearted waitress with the two-year community college degree who takes good care of the home and is willing to raise their children herself instead of sending them to factory daycare, but thanks for playing. A well-off guy doesn't care about your money and sees your 70-hour a week career as a red flag to having a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship. He wants, and can get, better than that. Continue on with your delusions, ladies. You're making me laugh. You guys are hilarious!!

Looks like you haven’t found your thicc barista wife 😑

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The top earning 10% to 20% of men would rather marry the pretty, happy-go-lucky, kind-hearted waitress with the two-year community college degree who takes good care of the home and is willing to raise their children herself instead of sending them to factory daycare, but thanks for playing. A well-off guy doesn't care about your money and sees your 70-hour a week career as a red flag to having a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship. He wants, and can get, better than that. Continue on with your delusions, ladies. You're making me laugh. You guys are hilarious!!

Maybe they would rather do that, but it isn’t what they actually do.

So it would really delusional for women to give up a six-figure job to become a waitress in the hopes of snagging a high-earning DH. Even the Hollywood stars who married “regular” women married teachers at the least and often people who owned their own businesses or were lawyers or doctors. Clooney didn’t marry a waitress. He married a smart woman with a high powered career.

Wealthy men aren’t thinking about daycare. They can afford nannies. They are thinking about dinner with clients or their CEO and the country club and how to ensure double legacy status at top schools for their sons. And how to make middle and high school socially easier for their daughters.

Maybe PP is from a place where the top earning 10-20% of men are truck drivers and the women with 70 hour work weeks and factory daycare are pulling two shifts at the big box store.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No scrubs.

DH and I met in college. He was really hard working, had a great degree and was driven. It all translated into a good salary.

Yeah. I had no salary requirements but I wanted someone smart, hard-working, responsible (ambitious sort of -- he had to have some goals). DH was a lowly non-tenured prof not making much of a good salary when we met. I (in biglaw) made triple what he did. Now it's roughly equal.

Cool story bro. You post in these threads all the time. You are the one person married to anyone in academia who makes a more than a living wage. Maybe you should write a book instead of always posting on dcum. Everyone else married to a professor is frantically trying to find a moonlighting gig that covers the mortgage without their friends finding out... that Subaru Outback payment is NOT going to make itself!

[Anonymous]

The two teacher couples I know all got divorced by the time their kids hit middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The top earning 10% to 20% of men would rather marry the pretty, happy-go-lucky, kind-hearted waitress with the two-year community college degree who takes good care of the home and is willing to raise their children herself instead of sending them to factory daycare, but thanks for playing. A well-off guy doesn't care about your money and sees your 70-hour a week career as a red flag to having a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship. He wants, and can get, better than that. Continue on with your delusions, ladies. You're making me laugh. You guys are hilarious!!

Assortive mating is real. I don't know a single person in my peer group who is married to someone without a college degree, and the vast majority also have a graduate degree. I know women who don't work now, but most had white collar jobs for a while (some were teachers). With the exception of outliers like the handful of tech bros who drop out of Stanford to found unicorns, this is the group that comprises the top 10-20% of incomes.

[Anonymous]

How exactly did you all go about finding out this salary stuff? Was it first date conversation? Were you looking up equivalent jobs on Indeed / LinkedIn? Cause if this conversation happened say 6 months or a year into the relationship, couldn't you have developed feelings by then? And if its just his word, who's to say he won't lie to you and say he's pulling in 6 figures for some stupid reason like its his potential or what he's supposed to be making or he knows his worth.