Do women seriously have salary requirements when dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I married my DH when he made 60k as 26 year old fresh graduate student. I didn't think he had tremendous salary potential as his field tops out at 120k or so. He is now at 32, an entrepreneur and makes 250k+ a year.

Needless to say, I am happy

You struck a gold mine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a millennial, my best friend is a single man in Chicago. Educated, earns around 220, 6'0, in shape. He has a problem dating because he wants a woman who earns "around" the same. Then he has looks requirements (must be thin, busty, and he likes light eyed brunettes, ideally tall). Then he wants her job to be flexible because he doesn't want a "code slave".

I thought about setting him up with my friend, she's pretty, works in fintech, makes around 180, but I know she's not "good enough". My DH was more realistic. He wanted most of the same things as my friend, but he only cared that I'm debt free and could pay my own way.

Have you told your best friend that the woman he wants is likely a mythical creature, and that if she did exist she probably wouldn't be interested in him?

Yes, and he'll hmm and humm for a minute then continue wanting what he wants. I don't have a dog in that fight, and I suspect he's self sabotaging a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a millennial, my best friend is a single man in Chicago. Educated, earns around 220, 6'0, in shape. He has a problem dating because he wants a woman who earns "around" the same. Then he has looks requirements (must be thin, busty, and he likes light eyed brunettes, ideally tall). Then he wants her job to be flexible because he doesn't want a "code slave".

I thought about setting him up with my friend, she's pretty, works in fintech, makes around 180, but I know she's not "good enough". My DH was more realistic. He wanted most of the same things as my friend, but he only cared that I'm debt free and could pay my own way.

Have you told your best friend that the woman he wants is likely a mythical creature, and that if she did exist she probably wouldn't be interested in him?

Yes, and he'll hmm and humm for a minute then continue wanting what he wants. I don't have a dog in that fight, and I suspect he's self sabotaging a bit.

We knew a guy like this. He was waiting for the perfect package and she cheated on him. She was a 10 and left him for another guy. He ended up getting some girl pregnant during Covid and had a shotgun wedding.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t call someone with no character a ten, but what do I know/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cared when I was dating in my twenties.
Now, in my 40’s, I’m widowed and kids are nearly grown. I don’t care at all now. I just want to meet someone who doesn’t expect too much from me, is good in bed, and knows how to fix stuff.

If you have any sort of assetts you should care, people prey on widows all the time.

She doesnt' have to remarry. Finances can be separate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The top earning 10% to 20% of men would rather marry the pretty, happy-go-lucky, kind-hearted waitress with the two-year community college degree who takes good care of the home and is willing to raise their children herself instead of sending them to factory daycare, but thanks for playing. A well-off guy doesn't care about your money and sees your 70-hour a week career as a red flag to having a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship. He wants, and can get, better than that. Continue on with your delusions, ladies. You're making me laugh. You guys are hilarious!!

This is just not true. Maybe it once was but not know. Nearly everyone I dated expected a graduate degree and a working wife. I am in my 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cared when I was dating in my twenties.
Now, in my 40’s, I’m widowed and kids are nearly grown. I don’t care at all now. I just want to meet someone who doesn’t expect too much from me, is good in bed, and knows how to fix stuff.

If you have any sort of assetts you should care, people prey on widows all the time.

She doesnt' have to remarry. Finances can be separate.

Even if I dont remarry, as a wealthy woman, me carting around a partner who cant carry their half to do what I want to do would mean that that is my money coming out of my kids pockets, someday. That is why I dont need a man who makes more than me, but I need one who can afford my lifestyle, as I am not willing to "sacrifice" doing what I have worked hard for and the lifestyle I enjoy, to live it with a partner. I understand that this makes my dating pool smaller, but it keeps me from wading into a relationships in which inequality and eventual resentments seem like an inevitability.

People act like considering this in ones 40's in a different way that we may have considered it at 20 is odd. It isn't odd. I am not looking to "build a life" with someone, I've already got one and I am attracted to others who have done the same. I want an equal partner who I can build a relationship with who doesnt drain money that I feel belongs to my children, who will always be my first priority, ahead of a partner.

[Anonymous]

No. Not good ones. I didn't.

[Anonymous]

I didnt want a man with a ton of debt and very little opportunity to earn a decent living. I wasn't going to marry a school teacher. Salary is just one factor. I make really good money so I dont need my husband to support me but dang, dont marry a man who is gonna actively bring you down! I grew up upper middle class and no way was I going backwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didnt want a man with a ton of debt and very little opportunity to earn a decent living. I wasn't going to marry a school teacher. Salary is just one factor. I make really good money so I dont need my husband to support me but dang, dont marry a man who is gonna actively bring you down! I grew up upper middle class and no way was I going backwards.

I had to break off a relationship early because the man was always comparing me to him.
He took on more difficult classes, though his parents were better than mine, and that his family was more educated (they were not)
I found a wonderful man who was not from a wealthy or educated family, but a wonderful family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cared when I was dating in my twenties.
Now, in my 40’s, I’m widowed and kids are nearly grown. I don’t care at all now. I just want to meet someone who doesn’t expect too much from me, is good in bed, and knows how to fix stuff.

If you have any sort of assetts you should care, people prey on widows all the time.

She doesnt' have to remarry. Finances can be separate.

Widow pp here. I’m not particularly wealthy, and I’m not sure why you would assume that I am. I had some money from his life insurance that will pay for the kids’ college, and I have a reasonably high paying job. I’m not sure that I am more at risk of being exploited than some of the younger women in this thread who go into marriage thinking they are equal partners, and then are used as unpaid labor for a decade.
(Or the poor, kind-hearted, waitress who went to community college...it seems that the main thing likable about this fantasy woman is that she is easy to exploit...)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a millennial, my best friend is a single man in Chicago. Educated, earns around 220, 6'0, in shape. He has a problem dating because he wants a woman who earns "around" the same. Then he has looks requirements (must be thin, busty, and he likes light eyed brunettes, ideally tall). Then he wants her job to be flexible because he doesn't want a "code slave".

I thought about setting him up with my friend, she's pretty, works in fintech, makes around 180, but I know she's not "good enough". My DH was more realistic. He wanted most of the same things as my friend, but he only cared that I'm debt free and could pay my own way.

Have you told your best friend that the woman he wants is likely a mythical creature, and that if she did exist she probably wouldn't be interested in him?

But I bet most men would not call him superificial like they call women who want to date high earners and who are reasonably attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The top earning 10% to 20% of men would rather marry the pretty, happy-go-lucky, kind-hearted waitress with the two-year community college degree who takes good care of the home and is willing to raise their children herself instead of sending them to factory daycare, but thanks for playing. A well-off guy doesn't care about your money and sees your 70-hour a week career as a red flag to having a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship. He wants, and can get, better than that. Continue on with your delusions, ladies. You're making me laugh. You guys are hilarious!!

This is just not true. Maybe it once was but not know. Nearly everyone I dated expected a graduate degree and a working wife. I am in my 40s.

Agree. Data backs this up as well. Assortative mating is now the norm. Even in gay relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The top earning 10% to 20% of men would rather marry the pretty, happy-go-lucky, kind-hearted waitress with the two-year community college degree who takes good care of the home and is willing to raise their children herself instead of sending them to factory daycare, but thanks for playing. A well-off guy doesn't care about your money and sees your 70-hour a week career as a red flag to having a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship. He wants, and can get, better than that. Continue on with your delusions, ladies. You're making me laugh. You guys are hilarious!!

I don’t know a single wealthy man who married a waitress. Or even a woman without a 4 year degree. And my social circle is more top 1% than top 20%. Not even in second or third marriages.

Exactly. People need to stop with the fairy tale stories.

A wealthy man is not going to marry a woman who doesn’t have at LEAST a bachelors degree and some CAREER experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The top earning 10% to 20% of men would rather marry the pretty, happy-go-lucky, kind-hearted waitress with the two-year community college degree who takes good care of the home and is willing to raise their children herself instead of sending them to factory daycare, but thanks for playing. A well-off guy doesn't care about your money and sees your 70-hour a week career as a red flag to having a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship. He wants, and can get, better than that. Continue on with your delusions, ladies. You're making me laugh. You guys are hilarious!!

I don’t know a single wealthy man who married a waitress. Or even a woman without a 4 year degree. And my social circle is more top 1% than top 20%. Not even in second or third marriages.

Exactly. People need to stop with the fairy tale stories.

A wealthy man is not going to marry a woman who doesn’t have at LEAST a bachelors degree and some CAREER experience.

A high earning man doesn’t need a woman who is working 70 hours per week. That is true. He does want a smart woman who he will procreate with.

I was working 70 hours per week when I got married. I’m Ivy educated. I’m now a SAHM of 3 and DH earns a seven figure income.