When did your sex drive plummet?

[Anonymous]

Had a big dip at 35 that in retrospect was due to depression. (Drive is now sky-high.)

It was miserable at the time but now I’m glad it happened. I learned a lot about myself. Now I know that if I dipped again and DH was angry at me for it, I would just leave the marriage. I love him and I don’t see that happening, but I no longer fear a repeat of that conflict because I know that I can live without him. Living without fear of what might happen in the future is nice.

We have been married 14 years btw.

[Anonymous]

After kids. It's high again (51) and has been for a number of years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s with menopause plus going on an SSRI for depression.

SSRIs will generally kill libido and destroy your sex life; warn your spouse / partner before going on SSRIs.

Doctors do a terrible job of educating patients of this nearly universal side effect of SSRIs.

When my husband went on antidepressants his sex drive plummeted. He didn't think about sex at all. It also made it very difficult for him to finish. Good times

Sorry to hear that. Hugs, pp.

The “difficulty finishing” part hits home, since a couple of women I dated in the past were taking SSRIs and were unable to finish during; they even struggled, but usually could eventually finish with “electronic assistance” afterwards (which was fine). It seems to be a very common side effect.

It is a very common side effect of being a woman- with or without SSRIs. If vibrators were completely normalized as an expected part of intimacy(I realize they are for some couples ), an easy orgasm each time might increase a woman’s willingness to engage despite a lowered libido

Only time I’ve ever needed a vibrator was when DH was too tired for subsequent rounds. I thought that was normal.

[Anonymous]

My wife has gained 40+ pounds over the course of our marriage, leaving my sex drive for her quite a bit lower.

[Anonymous]

44F. I think it's waned as I've been with my spouse longer. I can easily get excited thinking about someone new. My spouse is amazing and great in bed, but, you know, it's been over a decade. I get high drive the week around ovulation, but then I have zero desire unless it's somehow piqued by someone new in my orbit. I'm concerned that post menopause, I will have zero drive.

As with SSRIs, I refuse to go back on hormonal birth control because that totally killed my drive even when I was in my 20s.

So much for women is situational. If we have time to care for ourselves and feel sexy, if our partner is kind and contributes, if we make time to talk and go on dates, then the drive is there (barring medical issues). But when I'm stressed, sleep deprived, and my spouse snipes at me for something then you can forget it, bub.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s with menopause plus going on an SSRI for depression.

SSRIs will generally kill libido and destroy your sex life; warn your spouse / partner before going on SSRIs.

Doctors do a terrible job of educating patients of this nearly universal side effect of SSRIs.

When my husband went on antidepressants his sex drive plummeted. He didn't think about sex at all. It also made it very difficult for him to finish. Good times

Sorry to hear that. Hugs, pp.

The “difficulty finishing” part hits home, since a couple of women I dated in the past were taking SSRIs and were unable to finish during; they even struggled, but usually could eventually finish with “electronic assistance” afterwards (which was fine). It seems to be a very common side effect.

It is a very common side effect of being a woman- with or without SSRIs. If vibrators were completely normalized as an expected part of intimacy(I realize they are for some couples ), an easy orgasm each time might increase a woman’s willingness to engage despite a lowered libido

Only time I’ve ever needed a vibrator was when DH was too tired for subsequent rounds. I thought that was normal.

Do you even talk to other women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is freaking me out. I’m on a business trip and wife just sent me a video. So scared like is next year the year it stops? Or is dcum full of losers and weirdos? I hope the latter but I am scared

Assuming you have kids, you should be fine. For many couples, the fun, sexy times goes away when the kids come but if your wife is still being flirty now you have a good chance to keep a good marital sex life going. Just don't be complacent about it.

DCUM is full of largely white, UMC, unhappy women in boring relationships who view lack of desire as normal and think their husbands should be celibate because they don’t want sex. Sieve enough time here yiu will find that there is a strain of Puritanism here that outdoes Jonathan Edwards. It’s sad, really, to read so many here who are not fully loving and embracing themselves as full human beings and enjoying the gifts if the body, heart and spirit God has gifted to us.

It's obviously true that the people that post here are generally ones with issues. But realistically, by age 50, many couples in their first marriage are sexless or having sex rarely, and usually to placate a man. It's just how most women are wired. Monogamy and monotony are brutal for the female sex drive.

YES. YES. YES. YES. YES. Listen to this. Men don't want to hear this and have twisted the narrative to be "women don't like sex", "women get fat and all they care about it the kids", "women only have sex because they have to" BS because otherwise women would be pushing for non-monogamy and that threatens men to the core. I understand that, but it's true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s with menopause plus going on an SSRI for depression.

SSRIs will generally kill libido and destroy your sex life; warn your spouse / partner before going on SSRIs.

Doctors do a terrible job of educating patients of this nearly universal side effect of SSRIs.

When my husband went on antidepressants his sex drive plummeted. He didn't think about sex at all. It also made it very difficult for him to finish. Good times

Sorry to hear that. Hugs, pp.

The “difficulty finishing” part hits home, since a couple of women I dated in the past were taking SSRIs and were unable to finish during; they even struggled, but usually could eventually finish with “electronic assistance” afterwards (which was fine). It seems to be a very common side effect.

It is a very common side effect of being a woman- with or without SSRIs. If vibrators were completely normalized as an expected part of intimacy(I realize they are for some couples ), an easy orgasm each time might increase a woman’s willingness to engage despite a lowered libido

Only time I’ve ever needed a vibrator was when DH was too tired for subsequent rounds. I thought that was normal.

Do you even talk to other women?

My DW gets the buzz treatment from me every single time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is freaking me out. I’m on a business trip and wife just sent me a video. So scared like is next year the year it stops? Or is dcum full of losers and weirdos? I hope the latter but I am scared

Assuming you have kids, you should be fine. For many couples, the fun, sexy times goes away when the kids come but if your wife is still being flirty now you have a good chance to keep a good marital sex life going. Just don't be complacent about it.

DCUM is full of largely white, UMC, unhappy women in boring relationships who view lack of desire as normal and think their husbands should be celibate because they don’t want sex. Sieve enough time here yiu will find that there is a strain of Puritanism here that outdoes Jonathan Edwards. It’s sad, really, to read so many here who are not fully loving and embracing themselves as full human beings and enjoying the gifts if the body, heart and spirit God has gifted to us.

It's obviously true that the people that post here are generally ones with issues. But realistically, by age 50, many couples in their first marriage are sexless or having sex rarely, and usually to placate a man. It's just how most women are wired. Monogamy and monotony are brutal for the female sex drive.

YES. YES. YES. YES. YES. Listen to this. Men don't want to hear this and have twisted the narrative to be "women don't like sex", "women get fat and all they care about it the kids", "women only have sex because they have to" BS because otherwise women would be pushing for non-monogamy and that threatens men to the core. I understand that, but it's true.

Man here, I totally agree with this. It's amazing that since my divorce, how many divorced women say they had a sexless marriage, zero drive for their husbands and it came roaring back after divorce. Same with my current girlfriend and her ex is tall and attractive (and has more hair than me!).

I don't know that I agree that it's men enforcing monogamy. Of the few open marriages I have seen, it's usually the men pushing for it.

[Anonymous]

my previously very horny wife is starting to slow down at 52. I'm six years younger than she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's obviously true that the people that post here are generally ones with issues. But realistically, by age 50, many couples in their first marriage are sexless or having sex rarely, and usually to placate a man. It's just how most women are wired. Monogamy and monotony are brutal for the female sex drive.

YES. YES. YES. YES. YES. Listen to this. Men don't want to hear this and have twisted the narrative to be "women don't like sex", "women get fat and all they care about it the kids", "women only have sex because they have to" BS because otherwise women would be pushing for non-monogamy and that threatens men to the core. I understand that, but it's true.

If you could figure out a way to even the playing field in non-monogamy, maybe more men would find it palatable. It's just going to be way easier for heterosexual women to find willing sex partners than for heterosexual men.

[Anonymous]

About age 48 - man. My drive is closer to my wife's now, so I guess that's a plus of sorts.

[Anonymous]

After about 5 years with my husband. I’m 35. But we still have sex 3x a week. It feels like a chore but I do it because I love my husband and his drive is still high.

[Anonymous]

YES. YES. YES. YES. YES. Listen to this. Men don't want to hear this and have twisted the narrative to be "women don't like sex", "women get fat and all they care about it the kids", "women only have sex because they have to" BS because otherwise women would be pushing for non-monogamy and that threatens men to the core. I understand that, but it's true.

Some men realize that when she says she doesn't want sex, it means she doesn't want sex WITH YOU.

But the flip side of this is the woman who claimed the reason she didn't want sex was [list of things wrong with her DH] but then her XH goes out and finds women who will enthusiastically have sex with him so the problem wasn't actually him.

otherwise women would be pushing for non-monogamy and that threatens men to the core.

If we "acknowledged" that women get bored when they are in monogamous relationships then men would draw the obvious conclusion that they should never get married, and I suggest to you that it's not men who would find that situation deeply threatening.

But go ahead, push for non-monogamy. (Be careful what you wish for, you might get it.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old were you?
Why ?

When I went on BCPs. Couldn’t find one without that effect. Anyone have luck in that regard on the pill? Which one?