When did your sex drive plummet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old were you?
Why ?

When I went on BCPs. Couldn’t find one without that effect. Anyone have luck in that regard on the pill? Which one?

Vasectomy, condoms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is freaking me out. I’m on a business trip and wife just sent me a video. So scared like is next year the year it stops? Or is dcum full of losers and weirdos? I hope the latter but I am scared

Assuming you have kids, you should be fine. For many couples, the fun, sexy times goes away when the kids come but if your wife is still being flirty now you have a good chance to keep a good marital sex life going. Just don't be complacent about it.

DCUM is full of largely white, UMC, unhappy women in boring relationships who view lack of desire as normal and think their husbands should be celibate because they don’t want sex. Sieve enough time here yiu will find that there is a strain of Puritanism here that outdoes Jonathan Edwards. It’s sad, really, to read so many here who are not fully loving and embracing themselves as full human beings and enjoying the gifts if the body, heart and spirit God has gifted to us.

It's obviously true that the people that post here are generally ones with issues. But realistically, by age 50, many couples in their first marriage are sexless or having sex rarely, and usually to placate a man. It's just how most women are wired. Monogamy and monotony are brutal for the female sex drive.

YES. YES. YES. YES. YES. Listen to this. Men don't want to hear this and have twisted the narrative to be "women don't like sex", "women get fat and all they care about it the kids", "women only have sex because they have to" BS because otherwise women would be pushing for non-monogamy and that threatens men to the core. I understand that, but it's true.

That’s only half the story. I am in my 40s, married 15 years. My drive is sky high and increasing. It’s not monogamy and monotony that kills it, it’s unresolved conflicts and resentments. If you can clear those out you can get back all the initial feelings — and more.

Women need to be proactive about developing their sexuality. Yes, a new partner can light the flame, but there are other ways to catalyze your desire. You first need to explore your own sexuality and learn what works for you. What kinds of fantasies, what kinds of touch and smell and taste, what psychological situations, what positions. This requires free mental space though so if you’re overloaded by family responsibilities you also need to claim more time for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s with menopause plus going on an SSRI for depression.

SSRIs will generally kill libido and destroy your sex life; warn your spouse / partner before going on SSRIs.

Doctors do a terrible job of educating patients of this nearly universal side effect of SSRIs.

It helps men by taking longer to ejaculate.

Not necessarily what a DW wants. Sometimes we want a quickie. And then there’s just too much thrusting and rubbing sometimes. 20 min of penetration is really hard on the pelvic area. Not all women want to give a 15-20 min BJ either.

+1O0 SSRIs in men are the worst (speaking as a woman).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s with menopause plus going on an SSRI for depression.

SSRIs will generally kill libido and destroy your sex life; warn your spouse / partner before going on SSRIs.

Doctors do a terrible job of educating patients of this nearly universal side effect of SSRIs.

When my husband went on antidepressants his sex drive plummeted. He didn't think about sex at all. It also made it very difficult for him to finish. Good times

Sorry to hear that. Hugs, pp.

The “difficulty finishing” part hits home, since a couple of women I dated in the past were taking SSRIs and were unable to finish during; they even struggled, but usually could eventually finish with “electronic assistance” afterwards (which was fine). It seems to be a very common side effect.

It is a very common side effect of being a woman- with or without SSRIs. If vibrators were completely normalized as an expected part of intimacy(I realize they are for some couples ), an easy orgasm each time might increase a woman’s willingness to engage despite a lowered libido

Only time I’ve ever needed a vibrator was when DH was too tired for subsequent rounds. I thought that was normal.

Do you even talk to other women?

No not about this. Is this not normal? I can come from PIV pretty much every time and 3-4 times a session is pretty basic for me. Once doesn’t satisfy me it’s just the beginning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is freaking me out. I’m on a business trip and wife just sent me a video. So scared like is next year the year it stops? Or is dcum full of losers and weirdos? I hope the latter but I am scared

Assuming you have kids, you should be fine. For many couples, the fun, sexy times goes away when the kids come but if your wife is still being flirty now you have a good chance to keep a good marital sex life going. Just don't be complacent about it.

DCUM is full of largely white, UMC, unhappy women in boring relationships who view lack of desire as normal and think their husbands should be celibate because they don’t want sex. Sieve enough time here yiu will find that there is a strain of Puritanism here that outdoes Jonathan Edwards. It’s sad, really, to read so many here who are not fully loving and embracing themselves as full human beings and enjoying the gifts if the body, heart and spirit God has gifted to us.

It's obviously true that the people that post here are generally ones with issues. But realistically, by age 50, many couples in their first marriage are sexless or having sex rarely, and usually to placate a man. It's just how most women are wired. Monogamy and monotony are brutal for the female sex drive.

YES. YES. YES. YES. YES. Listen to this. Men don't want to hear this and have twisted the narrative to be "women don't like sex", "women get fat and all they care about it the kids", "women only have sex because they have to" BS because otherwise women would be pushing for non-monogamy and that threatens men to the core. I understand that, but it's true.

Agree 100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's obviously true that the people that post here are generally ones with issues. But realistically, by age 50, many couples in their first marriage are sexless or having sex rarely, and usually to placate a man. It's just how most women are wired. Monogamy and monotony are brutal for the female sex drive.

YES. YES. YES. YES. YES. Listen to this. Men don't want to hear this and have twisted the narrative to be "women don't like sex", "women get fat and all they care about it the kids", "women only have sex because they have to" BS because otherwise women would be pushing for non-monogamy and that threatens men to the core. I understand that, but it's true.

If you could figure out a way to even the playing field in non-monogamy, maybe more men would find it palatable. It's just going to be way easier for heterosexual women to find willing sex partners than for heterosexual men.

Man here, it's not that hard to find a woman to have sex with if you have your act together but to even the playing field, you have to be able to "date" outside the marriage and form some other relationship.

Otherwise, it would be like telling women they can get taken out for dinner by another man but no sex. Suddenly, she won't have hundreds of men lining up

Make sense?

[Anonymous]

^not really no

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is freaking me out. I’m on a business trip and wife just sent me a video. So scared like is next year the year it stops? Or is dcum full of losers and weirdos? I hope the latter but I am scared

Assuming you have kids, you should be fine. For many couples, the fun, sexy times goes away when the kids come but if your wife is still being flirty now you have a good chance to keep a good marital sex life going. Just don't be complacent about it.

DCUM is full of largely white, UMC, unhappy women in boring relationships who view lack of desire as normal and think their husbands should be celibate because they don’t want sex. Sieve enough time here yiu will find that there is a strain of Puritanism here that outdoes Jonathan Edwards. It’s sad, really, to read so many here who are not fully loving and embracing themselves as full human beings and enjoying the gifts if the body, heart and spirit God has gifted to us.

It's obviously true that the people that post here are generally ones with issues. But realistically, by age 50, many couples in their first marriage are sexless or having sex rarely, and usually to placate a man. It's just how most women are wired. Monogamy and monotony are brutal for the female sex drive.

YES. YES. YES. YES. YES. Listen to this. Men don't want to hear this and have twisted the narrative to be "women don't like sex", "women get fat and all they care about it the kids", "women only have sex because they have to" BS because otherwise women would be pushing for non-monogamy and that threatens men to the core. I understand that, but it's true.

Agree 100%

I'm a guy and I can accept that monotony and monagamy could greatly affect a woman's sexual desire. After all, I get intense infatuations with other women besides my wife even though I never act on them. That should be normal for humans in their 30s and 40s who can manage their mental and physical health to a reasonable degree. I would actually prefer at this point if my wife had a burning desire for someone else because that would at least mean her capacity for passion and lust are still there. And we could have a discussion about an open marriage where each person got something out of it. But she is just sexually dead inside, which is much worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s with menopause plus going on an SSRI for depression.

SSRIs will generally kill libido and destroy your sex life; warn your spouse / partner before going on SSRIs.

Doctors do a terrible job of educating patients of this nearly universal side effect of SSRIs.

When my husband went on antidepressants his sex drive plummeted. He didn't think about sex at all. It also made it very difficult for him to finish. Good times

Sorry to hear that. Hugs, pp.

The “difficulty finishing” part hits home, since a couple of women I dated in the past were taking SSRIs and were unable to finish during; they even struggled, but usually could eventually finish with “electronic assistance” afterwards (which was fine). It seems to be a very common side effect.

It is a very common side effect of being a woman- with or without SSRIs. If vibrators were completely normalized as an expected part of intimacy(I realize they are for some couples ), an easy orgasm each time might increase a woman’s willingness to engage despite a lowered libido

Only time I’ve ever needed a vibrator was when DH was too tired for subsequent rounds. I thought that was normal.

Do you even talk to other women?

My DW gets the buzz treatment from me every single time.

“Vibrator normalcy” is on the increase: recently noticed

- CVS now carries at least 4 types of vibrators - rabbit, small wand, gentle air-suction, and internal/remote.

- even Giant supermarket carries a $9 vibrating ring alongside condoms; while not really a traditional vibrator, it’s clearly meant for couple use (worn by the male) and does use battery-operated vibration - meant for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s with menopause plus going on an SSRI for depression.

SSRIs will generally kill libido and destroy your sex life; warn your spouse / partner before going on SSRIs.

Doctors do a terrible job of educating patients of this nearly universal side effect of SSRIs.

When my husband went on antidepressants his sex drive plummeted. He didn't think about sex at all. It also made it very difficult for him to finish. Good times

Sorry to hear that. Hugs, pp.

The “difficulty finishing” part hits home, since a couple of women I dated in the past were taking SSRIs and were unable to finish during; they even struggled, but usually could eventually finish with “electronic assistance” afterwards (which was fine). It seems to be a very common side effect.

It is a very common side effect of being a woman- with or without SSRIs. If vibrators were completely normalized as an expected part of intimacy(I realize they are for some couples ), an easy orgasm each time might increase a woman’s willingness to engage despite a lowered libido

Only time I’ve ever needed a vibrator was when DH was too tired for subsequent rounds. I thought that was normal.

Do you even talk to other women?

My DW gets the buzz treatment from me every single time.

“Vibrator normalcy” is on the increase: recently noticed

- CVS now carries at least 4 types of vibrators - rabbit, small wand, gentle air-suction, and internal/remote.

- even Giant supermarket carries a $9 vibrating ring alongside condoms; while not really a traditional vibrator, it’s clearly meant for couple use (worn by the male) and does use battery-operated vibration - meant for her.

I agree that this is probably a good way to make sex more appealing to women. Not just in cases where the man has ED, but to give a woman a reliable orgasm every time.

For a lot of women, orgasms are hit or miss and/or entail a lot of effort from her (directing spouse, manual stimulation, trying to get in the right mindset). If I knew sex would result in an easy orgasm every time, like it does for my husband (and most men), I would be more likely to do it.

[Anonymous]

When my wife gained 80 pounds and decided in the span of eight years not to lose it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s with menopause plus going on an SSRI for depression.

SSRIs will generally kill libido and destroy your sex life; warn your spouse / partner before going on SSRIs.

Doctors do a terrible job of educating patients of this nearly universal side effect of SSRIs.

When my husband went on antidepressants his sex drive plummeted. He didn't think about sex at all. It also made it very difficult for him to finish. Good times

Sorry to hear that. Hugs, pp.

The “difficulty finishing” part hits home, since a couple of women I dated in the past were taking SSRIs and were unable to finish during; they even struggled, but usually could eventually finish with “electronic assistance” afterwards (which was fine). It seems to be a very common side effect.

It is a very common side effect of being a woman- with or without SSRIs. If vibrators were completely normalized as an expected part of intimacy(I realize they are for some couples ), an easy orgasm each time might increase a woman’s willingness to engage despite a lowered libido

Only time I’ve ever needed a vibrator was when DH was too tired for subsequent rounds. I thought that was normal.

Do you even talk to other women?

My DW gets the buzz treatment from me every single time.

“Vibrator normalcy” is on the increase: recently noticed

- CVS now carries at least 4 types of vibrators - rabbit, small wand, gentle air-suction, and internal/remote.

- even Giant supermarket carries a $9 vibrating ring alongside condoms; while not really a traditional vibrator, it’s clearly meant for couple use (worn by the male) and does use battery-operated vibration - meant for her.

I agree that this is probably a good way to make sex more appealing to women. Not just in cases where the man has ED, but to give a woman a reliable orgasm every time.

For a lot of women, orgasms are hit or miss and/or entail a lot of effort from her (directing spouse, manual stimulation, trying to get in the right mindset). If I knew sex would result in an easy orgasm every time, like it does for my husband (and most men), I would be more likely to do it.

So does that mean you haven’t taken responsibility for your own orgasms? Why not always have a reliable vibrator every time you have sex? That’s not always a man problem—more so you not taking responsibility of what gets you off. Men do it all the time and lucky for them, penetration is enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s with menopause plus going on an SSRI for depression.

SSRIs will generally kill libido and destroy your sex life; warn your spouse / partner before going on SSRIs.

Doctors do a terrible job of educating patients of this nearly universal side effect of SSRIs.

When my husband went on antidepressants his sex drive plummeted. He didn't think about sex at all. It also made it very difficult for him to finish. Good times

Sorry to hear that. Hugs, pp.

The “difficulty finishing” part hits home, since a couple of women I dated in the past were taking SSRIs and were unable to finish during; they even struggled, but usually could eventually finish with “electronic assistance” afterwards (which was fine). It seems to be a very common side effect.

It is a very common side effect of being a woman- with or without SSRIs. If vibrators were completely normalized as an expected part of intimacy(I realize they are for some couples ), an easy orgasm each time might increase a woman’s willingness to engage despite a lowered libido

Only time I’ve ever needed a vibrator was when DH was too tired for subsequent rounds. I thought that was normal.

Do you even talk to other women?

My DW gets the buzz treatment from me every single time.

“Vibrator normalcy” is on the increase: recently noticed

- CVS now carries at least 4 types of vibrators - rabbit, small wand, gentle air-suction, and internal/remote.

- even Giant supermarket carries a $9 vibrating ring alongside condoms; while not really a traditional vibrator, it’s clearly meant for couple use (worn by the male) and does use battery-operated vibration - meant for her.

I agree that this is probably a good way to make sex more appealing to women. Not just in cases where the man has ED, but to give a woman a reliable orgasm every time.

For a lot of women, orgasms are hit or miss and/or entail a lot of effort from her (directing spouse, manual stimulation, trying to get in the right mindset). If I knew sex would result in an easy orgasm every time, like it does for my husband (and most men), I would be more likely to do it.

Don’t you touch yourself? It’s a guaranteed minimum 2x for me, from a combination of things. There’s no reason why you can’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s with menopause plus going on an SSRI for depression.

SSRIs will generally kill libido and destroy your sex life; warn your spouse / partner before going on SSRIs.

Doctors do a terrible job of educating patients of this nearly universal side effect of SSRIs.

When my husband went on antidepressants his sex drive plummeted. He didn't think about sex at all. It also made it very difficult for him to finish. Good times

Sorry to hear that. Hugs, pp.

The “difficulty finishing” part hits home, since a couple of women I dated in the past were taking SSRIs and were unable to finish during; they even struggled, but usually could eventually finish with “electronic assistance” afterwards (which was fine). It seems to be a very common side effect.

It is a very common side effect of being a woman- with or without SSRIs. If vibrators were completely normalized as an expected part of intimacy(I realize they are for some couples ), an easy orgasm each time might increase a woman’s willingness to engage despite a lowered libido

Only time I’ve ever needed a vibrator was when DH was too tired for subsequent rounds. I thought that was normal.

Do you even talk to other women?

My DW gets the buzz treatment from me every single time.

You are a smart and confident man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s with menopause plus going on an SSRI for depression.

SSRIs will generally kill libido and destroy your sex life; warn your spouse / partner before going on SSRIs.

Doctors do a terrible job of educating patients of this nearly universal side effect of SSRIs.

When my husband went on antidepressants his sex drive plummeted. He didn't think about sex at all. It also made it very difficult for him to finish. Good times

Sorry to hear that. Hugs, pp.

The “difficulty finishing” part hits home, since a couple of women I dated in the past were taking SSRIs and were unable to finish during; they even struggled, but usually could eventually finish with “electronic assistance” afterwards (which was fine). It seems to be a very common side effect.

It is a very common side effect of being a woman- with or without SSRIs. If vibrators were completely normalized as an expected part of intimacy(I realize they are for some couples ), an easy orgasm each time might increase a woman’s willingness to engage despite a lowered libido

Only time I’ve ever needed a vibrator was when DH was too tired for subsequent rounds. I thought that was normal.

Do you even talk to other women?

No not about this. Is this not normal? I can come from PIV pretty much every time and 3-4 times a session is pretty basic for me. Once doesn’t satisfy me it’s just the beginning.

You are unusually fortunate. Perhaps you have a shorter distance between clitoris and vaginal opening. I do think it’s a teeny bit disingenuous to state you thought that was typical for most women. Never read a magazine or an internet article about women’s sexual response?